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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tattoo and OH - AIBU?

133 replies

ultrathule · 24/06/2015 14:07

My OH doesn't like tattoos. I don't have any, but I have always wanted one, and in general I quite like them. I recently achieved something, a sporting success that I've worked very hard for and am really proud of. I'd love to get a small, not visible except in underwear, tattoo to commemorate it (sort of like the Olympic ring tattoos that Olympians get). I just like the idea of having a reminder of something that I'm proud of and worked so hard for.
But he'd hate it. He really would. He just doesn't get the point of them, even the Olympic rings he thinks are tacky and off-putting.
So - AIBU to get it done anyway? I think if it were the other way round, I'd be happy for him to have something that he really wanted, even if I didn't particularly like it. But equally, I don't want to upset him or have him feel that I've done something that is a real deal-breaker.

OP posts:

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 24/06/2015 20:01

I see your point but what I'm saying (maybe not very well) is that tattoos are a visible indicator of different events in someone's life, so something of note rather than what is expected. It's more common than it used to be but as it stands, particularly for older women, it's unusual and challenges pre conceived ideas about how older people 'ought to look'.

I'm drawn to non conformist people and whilst the twin set and pearls lady could fit this description, that wouldn't be immediately obvious.

And obviously not everyone with tattoos is non conformist or someone I like - before I get pulled up on that!

Original poster

ultrathule · 24/06/2015 20:06

Thanks for all your input! It hadn't actually crossed my mind that he might refuse to have sex with me if I got one!
But seriously, you've made me reconsider. I am being a bit self obsessed or a maybe attention seeking, contemplating this as a permanent memorial. I remember and I guess that's enough. My relationship is more important than my ego in this case, so I'll leave my tattoo desire for now.

OP posts:

TheCraicDealer · 24/06/2015 20:08

I don't really get the concept of getting the design to commemorate this event. Like others have said, you stop "seeing" tattoos, so you're not going to be getting that warm fuzzy feeling every time you catch sight of it when you get changed for bed. It just seems a bit...wanky. I'm sorry, I said it. But it does. You'll have other achievements, are you going to get something for each of those too?

I think the fact that you had a design picked out and never pursued and look back with no emotion other than "yeah, that would've been nice", would suggest that maybe you're just not a tat person. I know because I'm the bloody same! You don't seem really passionate about getting this done and I don't think it's worth the hassle to be honest.

Heels99 · 24/06/2015 20:12

Wondering now about getting brownie badge tattoos.

mileend2bermondsey · 24/06/2015 20:14

An ex of mine got many tattoos which I didnt particualrly like, and actively said 'I dont think you should get that' She did any way and guess what? I didnt instantly fall out of love with her and find her repulsive when she did get them. I would have preferred if she didnt get them but really, I am/was glad she was a strong enough person to do what she wanted and didnt allow other people to dictate her life, which is an extremely attractive quality. Her tattoos meant something to her and I'm glad she didnt let me or anyone stifle her. Theres no point living in regret wishing you had got a tattoo and if your OH wuld seriously not find you attractive because you had a bit of ink under your skin, then Id be considering if I wanted to be with a person with such fickle feelings about me. Beauty is only skin deep.

lastqueenofscotland · 24/06/2015 20:22

I have tattoos.
I really like them, I've run more marathons than I care to think about and have 26.2 tattooed on me. Don't give a shit what other people think. My DP isn't mad on tattoos but is also respectful that it's my body!!
It's never caused an argument/cross word/snide comment at all.

lastqueenofscotland · 24/06/2015 20:24

Also agree with mileend how shallow would stop finding someone attractive cause of a small bit of ink

EggOnTheFloor · 24/06/2015 20:27

I agree with MileEnd.

I am not a fan of tattoo's at all. However if DH got one tomorrow it wouldn't alter my thoughts or feelings of him. Maybe if he covered his body, but I assume that takes some work and we'd have time to compromise before he did that!!

I love the person and a bit of ink wouldn't change that for me.

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 24/06/2015 20:29

Why not get one for everything you are proud of? What's wanky about that? It's not about a warm fuzzy feeling, it's about a permanent, physical and personal mark of an acheivement.

I can't share what it is because it would out me but I have a tattoo which signifies my children, they are adopted and this tattoo is a permanent, physical, visible indicator that they are part of me. I don't have a physical connection to them like a birth parent but now I have a physical sign that they are part of me. Maybe that's a bit cheesy but I don't care, it's important to them and to me.

DonVitoCorleone · 24/06/2015 20:30

"what if he doesn't fancy you anymore?"

What, because of a small tattoo? Id think that was his loss to be honest.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/06/2015 20:36

I don't have any, don't care to have anything permanently marked on me because for me it would be like 'branding' myself. I understand fully that others feel differently.

I think as long as you do it for your own satisfaction/meaningfulness and don't expect others to like, validate or pass comment on them then peaceful co-existence is possible. To me, it's a bit like a personalised registration plate, they are very much a thing of personal taste, my mother loves these, I don't and I think that other people's personal plates mean bugger all to anybody else.

Live and let live... if ever something was tattoo-worthy, that would be it. A maxim to live by.

TTWK · 24/06/2015 20:43

A lot of talk about "it's your body" and people's rights to do what they want with their own body. But lots of ridicule and anger at people's rights to find certain things sexually unattractive.

We all have things that turn us off. Fat people, thin people, tall people, short people, whatever it may be. I happen to find tattoos a complete turn off, even small ones, and it's my absolute right not to shag anyone who has one.

whothehellknows · 24/06/2015 20:51

If somebody stopped feeling attracted to me because of a small mark on a part of my skin...

It would make me think less of that person, and I'd consider myself well rid.

itsmine · 24/06/2015 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 24/06/2015 20:53

Horses for courses, I feel the same about spray tans

whothehellknows · 24/06/2015 20:55

"fat people, thin people, tall people, short people,"

You may judge people by those criteria, but speak for yourself and not everybody else. I couldn't give a rat's arse about what somebody LOOKS like. Nice people = attractive. Nasty bastards = unattractive.

enviro300 · 24/06/2015 20:56

I have ten. One of them is on my hand and it's big and colourful....that one I should have thought about for longer but I don't regret them. Always have a temporary one drawn on for a few weeks first and see how you feel....If you miss it when it's gone, you have your answer. I've never thought about my ink affecting other people because I don't see how it could. I just dress to cover them when I need to. Except the hand. Can't do shit about the hand.

Sallystyle · 24/06/2015 21:07

I love tattoos and my husband doesn't mind them. He has one, I have 6 so far.

If he hated them I wouldn't have had them done (well any more done). While it is my body and my choice I don't really want something on my body permanently that my dh hates.

I don't find men with skin heads very attractive. DH went from long hair to short hair but kept a bit more length on top because he knows how unattractive I find shaved heads on men who still have a full head of hair. He didn't have to and I never asked him to have it a certain way but he didn't want to cut it in a way that he knew I would really not like.

So yes, my body, my choice but I also care about my husband's opinion and don't particularly want to do anything with my appearance which he would find a total turn off.

TTWK · 24/06/2015 21:09

I don't believe you. You are just trotting out the "right thing to say" but are not being honest. You will have physical attributes you find attractive or not in a fellow human being. If you don't get turned on by fat people, you are not going to find a 35 stone bloke attractive, regardless of how nice he is.

We all end up with people whose personality we like and who don't turn us off sexually.

Sallystyle · 24/06/2015 21:10

You must be superhuman whothehellknows

There is not one physical trait that you find unattractive?

I do not find obese men attractive, men who wear tracksuits and trainers anywhere but the gym. I am not judging them, I just wouldn't want to shag them.

TTWK · 24/06/2015 21:11

So yes, my body, my choice but I also care about my husband's opinion and don't particularly want to do anything with my appearance which he would find a total turn off.

Get out of here with your common sense!

TheCraicDealer · 24/06/2015 21:15

What's wanky about that? It's not about a warm fuzzy feeling, it's about a permanent, physical and personal mark of an acheivement.

Well the OP said, "I just like the idea of having a reminder of something that I'm proud of and worked so hard for", so her motivations aren't the same. If you do stop noticing it and thinking about it consciously (like I do my twin set and pearls) then what's the point in doing it as a "reminder"? It's alright if you bloody love tats and they're part of your look/identity, but if you're just musing about it and thinking "ooooh, that'd be nice", then maybe you shouldn't be committing to a permanent mark on your skin. If OP still feels the same desire to do it in six months then more power to her, just seems a bit like a fleeting whim which is the bit I'm meh about.

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 21:15

I still think there's something a bit strange about someone who would react so viscerally to a small tattoo on someone they have previously found attractive.

whothehellknows · 24/06/2015 21:21

It has nothing to do with being superhuman, and I'm not really fussed whether anybody believes me. When I was young, I dated people who were "classically attractive", and some of them were gits. So when I grew up, I became more interested in people based on how I feel when I'm with them. If I feel positive and upbeat and enjoy life being around someone, then I'll associate those feelings with that person and feel attracted to them.

Tats, no tats, long hair, short hair, short, tall, obese, thin, whatever skin colour you fancy... I've been attracted to people who fit in every box, and even if a long term relationship doesn't work out, they're all still pretty cool people.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/06/2015 21:57

Lovely post, whothehellknows :)

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