Tattoo and OH - AIBU?

[ultrathule]

My OH doesn't like tattoos. I don't have any, but I have always wanted one, and in general I quite like them. I recently achieved something, a sporting success that I've worked very hard for and am really proud of. I'd love to get a small, not visible except in underwear, tattoo to commemorate it (sort of like the Olympic ring tattoos that Olympians get). I just like the idea of having a reminder of something that I'm proud of and worked so hard for.
But he'd hate it. He really would. He just doesn't get the point of them, even the Olympic rings he thinks are tacky and off-putting.
So - AIBU to get it done anyway? I think if it were the other way round, I'd be happy for him to have something that he really wanted, even if I didn't particularly like it. But equally, I don't want to upset him or have him feel that I've done something that is a real deal-breaker.

Old tattoos on older people usually are a sign of an interesting life, as soome said upthread. Particularly older women: for a woman to have had a tattoo done before about 1990 is likely to mean she has stories to tell as it really wasn't very mainstream or acceptable back then.

I happen to find tattoos a complete turn off, even small ones, and it's my absolute right not to shag anyone who has one.

Good...you can leave them all for me.

i LOVE tattoos. Some are better than others, of course. Some are dire, some are absolute works of art. I find them very, very attractive - on both sexes.

I still think there's something a bit strange about someone who would react so viscerally to a small tattoo on someone they have previously found attractive.

I agree. OP, do you really think getting a small tattoo will be a sexual turn off for your partner? If so, I'd be worried if that's all it took to turn him off, his attraction didn't run particularly deep as it was.

If somebody stopped feeling attracted to me because of a small mark on a part of my skin...It would make me think less of that person, and I'd consider myself well rid.

That's the great thing about personal rights and freedom of choice. You have every right to think less of someone due to their negative attitude to your tattoo, and I have every right to find someone with a tattoo sexually unattractive.

I don't see the problem. We are individuals, and get to make our own choices. The rights of someone to get a tattoo are no more valid that the rights of their partner to find it a hideous turn off.

Its your body, you can do what you like. You shouldn't live in trepidation of annoying your DP - "OH" - "Other half" - oh dear!

But equally your DP is entitled to be put off by your getting one. If my DP got one, I'd probably leave him for two reasons, which are interconnected - firstly, I find tattoos physically unattractive, in that they are scars, and secondly, I find this jumping on the bandwagon, mindless worship of tattoos off-putting, almost as if he couldn't think for himself. Deeds don't need commemorated by tattoos, we no longer live in Viking times or whatever when displays of your power were visibly needed for survival or whatever. It just seems silly and a bit self obsessed.

Sure it's your body do what you like with it.
One thing I do think is in a partnership it's about mutual respect and understanding of each other which , of course, can be argued both ways.
However, if it was me and I really wanted something and DH wasn't keen then I would do it. ( eg if I really wanted short hair but DH likes long)
If he really hated something then I probably wouldn't. It also works the other way round as well. DH likes having a beard but I hate it on him so never does unless I'm away for a while.

You say you want the tat as a reminder of what you have achieved? Eh? Are you going to forget if you don't have ink done?

Thanks for all your responses. I think some of you must have missed my post where I said I admitted it was a bit self-absorbed, and that I had decided against it.

However, I still think some of the vitriol against tattoos is strange. But it does show how deeply polarised opinion on them can be. I think they can be totally beautiful, if done well.

I admitted it was a bit self-absorbed, and that I had decided against it.

I don't think it's self-absorbed to make decisions about your own body, with regard to something that means a great deal to you.

Absolutely take your partner's likes/dislikes into account, but I don't think it's healthy to base decisions about your own body on someone else's opinion. But if you're not that fussed either way, sounds like his feelings are much stronger on this issue.

I've no tattoos and never will. I assure you I've not had a boring life.

it is just skin scribbles. No more, no less. Doesn't make someone interesting any more than blue hair and unusual clothes do.

OP - in a severe case of missing the point of the thread..... what is your sporting achievement? Just out of sheer mindless curiosity. Marathon? Ironman triathlon? Please put me out of my misery .

This seems to boil down to a 'culture' thing - from one's upbringing you are in one camp or another and there isn't much room on the fence! It is about taste and aesthetics not morality or anything but the two 'extras' with tatoos are that they are permanent and that many people will judge you on seeing them. A classic utilitarian decision in fact! Good Luck

It's your body. Get a tattoo if you want.

Equally though tattoos are a matter of taste, so you don't get to tell him he has to like it.

I have several tattoos that I absolutely love and each one means something. Especially my charm bracelet! All in places that you can't see in my 'teacher' wear. DP doesn't dislike tattoos but doesn't like them, if that makes sense. However he is very much of the school 'it's your body, you do what you like'

So just that really. If you want one. Go for it!! I'm contemplating my next one.

he would have a heart attack if I cut my long hair though

Ambiguous situation.. It's your body and you're responsible for it. As for me, I like big and original ones, but I don't have any - not my style) My younger cousin, 22yo, is currently thinking over making one, she asked me for my opinion, and I don't mind. Btw, she send me few ideas, check it www.dubuddha.org :)

I too think they are super tacky. Yes it is your body but if you know he really hates them, it sends a clear message to him that you don't care.

Personally if I know my DP hates a certain thing, I don't think it's such a hardship to avoid it.

My OH allowed himself to be deterred by me from having a tattoo, over a number of years. Now he thanks me every day

Disgusting tacky things. However I fully support your right to get one.

My OH hates tatts as well, and although he in no way dictates what I do or how I look it pleases me and him to both look attractive for each other.

The most interesting people I have ever met are ones who look very ordinary.

I wonder, you get a tattoo on say a foot. This displeases your OH and that foot is no longer a visual pleasure to him and this is permanent.

Would he be the same if same said foot had to be amputated for any reason and it were no longer there for his visual pleasure?

There is a vast difference between making a deliberate choice to do something you know your partner hates and having something happen by accident or misfortune.

Tats are ok on 20 yr olds (imo), but then of course they grow up and look ridiculous grin In YOUR opinion.

why the confused face? You made a statement that tattoos look ridiculous on grown ups??!

In my opinion too vvega.