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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tattoo and OH - AIBU?

133 replies

ultrathule · 24/06/2015 14:07

My OH doesn't like tattoos. I don't have any, but I have always wanted one, and in general I quite like them. I recently achieved something, a sporting success that I've worked very hard for and am really proud of. I'd love to get a small, not visible except in underwear, tattoo to commemorate it (sort of like the Olympic ring tattoos that Olympians get). I just like the idea of having a reminder of something that I'm proud of and worked so hard for.
But he'd hate it. He really would. He just doesn't get the point of them, even the Olympic rings he thinks are tacky and off-putting.
So - AIBU to get it done anyway? I think if it were the other way round, I'd be happy for him to have something that he really wanted, even if I didn't particularly like it. But equally, I don't want to upset him or have him feel that I've done something that is a real deal-breaker.

OP posts:

NKfell · 24/06/2015 14:56

I don't like tattoos but DP has loads- including a sleeve which I abhor!

BUT it's his body, his choice. I don't bitch about them or say anything mean because at the end of the day I wouldn't want him to put me down.

Also, he gets lots of compliments on them so I'm in the minority or at least the SILENT majority!

TTWK · 24/06/2015 14:58

You have every right to get a tattoo, and he had every right to find it very unattractive and to view you in a different way afterwards.

Just as he has a right to put on 5 stone, grow a beard down to his waist or dreadlocks, or anything else you might find bloody hideous.

TwinkieTwinkle · 24/06/2015 15:01

Aghast that some posters think a partner has the right to dictate what they do to their own bodies.

That's not what I'm seeing at all. I see people saying that she should get the tattoo if she wants but she shouldn't expect her husband to like it. Which is fair enough. She knows his opinions on tattoos, it's her decision whether she knowingly puts something on her body that he won't like.

LazyLouLou · 24/06/2015 15:03

Find a jeweller and get them to make you the design in silver, pendant, earrings, whatever you will wear a lot. Or a weaver/fabric designer to make you a 'thing' to hang on a wall or wear.

I don't have a tattoo for the same reason, nor my nose pierced. He really hates them and I don't like them enough to give him the heebies every time he looks at me

BlackNoSugar · 24/06/2015 15:06

DH hates piercings, bordering on phobic - he can't look at the holes and visibly shudders and has to look away when I'm putting earrings in or out. He also dislikes tattoos, but not to the same extent. I have six ear piercings plus a nose stud, and a small tattoo on my ankle. He doesn't like any of them, but accepts that it's my choice. And I accept that he can't cope with the piercings, and don't change earrings in front of him. It's a case of mutual respect.

Fairylea · 24/06/2015 15:09

Well dh and I are covered in tattoos - it's a big part of who we are. In fact dh only has his neck and hands free! So for us neither of us could imagine being with someone who didn't like them. I tend to feel it's your body so you should do what you like.

Saying that in our experience people who don't like tattoos don't like them full stop and never "come round". You could show them the most beautiful and well done tattoo in the world and they still wouldn't like it because it's a tattoo. So don't get it expecting him to change his mind....!

wigglesrock · 24/06/2015 15:18

I'm not the biggest fan of tattoos but my husband decided years ago to get one, it didn't even occur to me to mind. It's his body. His is actually the same one you're thinking of getting, he has it on his upper arm, it can only be seen if he has no top on. It's alright, not my cup of tea but I don't even notice it any more.

loveareadingthanks · 24/06/2015 15:26

YANBU.

Ok, he hates tattoos, but it's not like you've suddenly declared a desire to go for a sleeve, or have a cartoon tattooed on your arm or anything some people would find objectionable/ugly. It's a small, hidden tattoo to commemorate something you are proud of. Completely different and I think he is being very unreasonable. Personally I don't go around closely inspecting my DPs nether regions all the time so I doubt he'll even notice it after a couple of weeks, but it would mean a lot to you.

pinkyredrose · 24/06/2015 15:28

I know tattoos are permanent. So what? Her OH should respect her bodily autonomy.

NRomanoff · 24/06/2015 15:33

Dh hates tattoos, I have 3. He is very unbothered by them. Since he also knows that I am an adult and it's my decision. I would never asked if he liked them as I would get a very honest 'as tattoos go, it's nice' he wouldn't be negative about it, nor would he bullshit me that he loves it.

grovel · 24/06/2015 15:33

My DH would not dream of stopping me getting a tattoo but he might leave me for putting my vanity ahead of his complete aversion to body "art"!

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 15:34

I don't particularly love tattoos but I can't really understand why he'd object so strongly to a small tattoo that would only be visible when you're naked.

How will it impact him? It's not like you're getting I Ran The 2015 London Marathon tattooed on the side of your neck.

TTWK · 24/06/2015 16:09

I don't particularly love tattoos but I can't really understand why he'd object so strongly to a small tattoo that would only be visible when you're naked.

But he will see her naked. Nobody gets to decide what someone else should find attractive or unattractive. If he finds tattoos a huge turn off, and it has a serious effect on their relationship, that is his right.

If the OP knows that in advance, and still goes ahead, that is her right.

They both have rights.

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 16:10

Yes I know he has the right to dislike tattoos but such a reaction to a tiny tattoo seems over the top in my opinion.

SoupDragon · 24/06/2015 16:17

Her OH should respect her bodily autonomy.

There is nothing to suggest that he doesn't. He is perfectly entitled to his opinions and the OP is perfectly entitled to ignore them or take them into account. If she ignores them, her OH is perfectly entitled to decide he hates it.

The OP appears to be doing what most caring people would do and considering the effect of her actions on the feelings of her partner.

Collaborate · 24/06/2015 16:20

What if to OP's H a tattoo is a real turn off? What if he tells her when it's done that he doesn't fancy her anymore? OP is entitled to get the tattoo. H is entitled to go off her (based on physical appearance) because of it.

pinkyredrose · 24/06/2015 16:22

Well if he can't get it up because she's got a tiny tattoo that's his fucking problem.

SoupDragon · 24/06/2015 16:23

Well no, it would be the OPs problem as well.

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 16:23

Could you honestly stop fancying someone over a little tattoo or would it be more likely that you'd be angry and withdrawing marital relations.

I saw one of those Channel 4 docs recently where this poor woman married Mr Average Looking and ten years later his entire body including face was tattooed. She was clearly devastated by it but stuck with him. I wouldn't have.

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 16:25

It was this guy.

penguinsaresmall · 24/06/2015 16:30

Well I am biased as I hate tattoos. If dh wanted to get one I would really try to talk him out of it as I find them unattractive and I can't help that. Luckily he doesn't like them either.

SolidGoldBrass · 24/06/2015 16:30

Hmm. What I would suggest you consider, OP, is how supportive, accommodating and respectful your chap is in general. It's not unreasonable (I suppose) to be a bit catsbumface over big tattoos, or badly-executed ones, but to dislike them to the point that you want to forbid someone else to have one suggests that you are a bit narrow-minded and probably don't like proper music, spicy food or horror films either.
Is your H, for example, proud of this achievement of yours? Does he frequently tell you that you look good or you did something well? Or is he, generally, not all that bothered about what you do as long as he gets his meals cooked, his pants washed and his dick sucked?

TTWK · 24/06/2015 16:34

Could you honestly stop fancying someone over a little tattoo or would it be more likely that you'd be angry and withdrawing marital relations.

I find tattoos vile. It would be a deal breaker if OH got one. I don't think I could DTD with someone who had a tattoo. Just ghastly things.

That's just my opinion. Everyone else is free to have a different view. Luckily OH hates them also.

So yes, to answer your question.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/06/2015 16:36

I hate tattoos. I would hate Dh to get a tattoo. Would it be a dealbreaker, no. But it might affect the way I feel about him if he did something he knows I dislike so much.

BolshierAyraStark · 24/06/2015 16:38

Your body so only you get to decide.

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