Tattoo and OH - AIBU?

[ultrathule]

My OH doesn't like tattoos. I don't have any, but I have always wanted one, and in general I quite like them. I recently achieved something, a sporting success that I've worked very hard for and am really proud of. I'd love to get a small, not visible except in underwear, tattoo to commemorate it (sort of like the Olympic ring tattoos that Olympians get). I just like the idea of having a reminder of something that I'm proud of and worked so hard for.
But he'd hate it. He really would. He just doesn't get the point of them, even the Olympic rings he thinks are tacky and off-putting.
So - AIBU to get it done anyway? I think if it were the other way round, I'd be happy for him to have something that he really wanted, even if I didn't particularly like it. But equally, I don't want to upset him or have him feel that I've done something that is a real deal-breaker.

Silly question, have ypy actually had a conversation with your do about your precise plans? From your OP it doesn't seem you have.

I would fund it a lot easier to be supportive of a tattoo, if I had a fair waring and new what to expect. You might also find it useful to analyse your oh's reaction to the idea.

DH did a sporting event and it's 'traditional' for people who complete this challenge to get a specific tattoo. He didn't get the tattoo at the time and now it seems a bit late (it was five years ago). So although he really wanted to have it done to commemorate his achievement, and we both have a tattoo, I can't say there has been any lasting sorrow that he doesn't have one.

Memories of that day will last forever, he doesn't need the tat to remind himself. We've got a fab photo of him going through the finish line and that's sufficient.

Good suggestion about getting something else as a commemorative thing. I'm not saying you should NOT get one if OH hates them, because it is your body. It's not as if the tattoo changes who you are, but can you happily live without it?

I should add that we both do have a tattoo, which are completely unconnected to his sporting achievement!

Your body and all that but I wouldn't want DH to get one as rightly or wrongly they make me think that the person isn't very bright or imaginative. Sorry.

Pony74 that's such an ignorant way of thinking.

OP, to judge by your post I'm a lot older than you. I'm 60, and I know two things that you don't know.

One day you will be 60. And your tattoo will look awful.

Pinky not really. I used to think they were really cool, but now I'm in my 40s, I've changed my mind. Nothing says the 90s like a tribal arm band!

Now the little squiggles on the wrist etc look dated, and the full sleeves also look a bit yesterday. Everywhere I go, I see them. They're just not individual anymore.

Pony74 just because you don't like tattoos it doesn't give you the right to say that those who do are 'not very bright'.

Many it's you who isn't very bright? Seeing as you're trying to justify making sweeping negative generalisations.

I didn't say that they weren't very bright. I know lots of clever people with tats. I said that's the impression they give to me if I don't know someone.

Sorry if I offended you, but the OP did ask. I'd say the same thing to my daughter or any of her friends (not the ones with tats obvs).

Your body so only you get to decide.

True, but when you are in a long term relationship with someone and you want to continue to maintain that relationship, a sensible person would take account of their partners views before making an irrevocable decision.

That's how married people stay married.

I have tattoos, however if my wife didn't like the idea of me getting them because she finds them unattractive I'd take her views on board, if I did get tattoos and she then found me unattractive it'd be my fault.

Yes it's your body but if your DH has a good reason as to why he's against them I'd listen.

DH hates tattoos. I had one when we met, got another three over the course of our relationship and am having another 3 this year.

He still hates tattoos, but he loves me.

I'm pretty covered whilst my husband has no tattoos nor any desire to get one. We rub along just fine.

Tatts are always going to be something that divides people. However, it is your body, and some can be discrete. My partner isn't into them personally, but I already had some by the time we started dating, I guess less of an issue since he had to like it or not bother. You barely notice them on someone you see every day, only one of mine ever catches my eye and thats because it's in a quite obvious place (especially during summer and short sleeves). The small one on my back is generally forgotten about by everyone who knows I have it, including myself sometimes!

As for tatts being horrible, yes some can be (as a matter of opinion). However if you take time to know what you rally want, get some colour in, not just some generic black blob, I think you could come up with something even your partner could like. I have one that everyone likes, I've had more than one person say to me "I honestly hate the things, but that one is quite nice" - it can be done. It's your body though - any other time no one would really dare tell you to compromise yourself, espcially for a bloke's opinion. I don't see this being any different.

I don't have tattoos and have no desire to get one, but I don't understand the "but it'll look shit when you're old" objection.

Why will it look shit? Because your body has changed? Your body was going to change as you aged anyway, and I think an older body with ink on it looks no more shit than an un-inked elderly body.

Likewise with the "but they look so dated" comments. OK, if someone gets a fashion tattoo without thinking through that it's permanent then spends the next 40 years wearing long sleeves to cover up their barbed wire arm cuff then they're an idiot. But if a tattoo is meaningful and significant, who cares that someone can look at someone in their 40s probably got their tattoo 20 years ago when tribal tattoos were popular.

I think this is a great vlog about the whole "tattoos when you're old" thing... "Tattoos? But What About When You're Old?!" | Kie…:

To be honest, no one expects their tattoos to remain unchanged until you die. That's not the point. They become part of you and your life. You don't expect your face to stay the same when you're 60 but you (hopefully) love it just the same, it's just you.

But then people who dislike tattoos are always going to bring out the whole "what about when you're old" thing. Personally I'm going to be more concerned whether I can get to the toilet on my own than worrying about what my skin looks like... I'd rather enjoy my younger years doing what makes me happy with it.

Thankfully the old stereotypes of tattoos are changing... its been around for thousands of years so it's never going out of fashion, just some trends come and go like everything else.

i have a few tats. i didnt even mention it to dp i just got them. if he decided to no longer be interested in me because of something that has no impact on him whatsoever then thats his tough luck.

The "they will look shit when they/you are older" argument is a pretty lame one, in my opinion as well Rachel. As someone with a larger risk of dementia, possibly cancer and other scary things, as well as generally what "being old" brings - if I reach 80+, still have most of my marbles, body pieces/organs, not hooked up to some machine then the tatts I have will be the least of my thoughts. We all have different ways of rememebering how we lived, tattoos are mine.

It's your body

The jewellery thing doesn't wash for me afraid. The whole point of a tattoo is that it's permanent, it is part of you. For whatever reason you get it, whether to mark an event, a time in your life, a relationship or whatever - it's a permanent and physical connection.
Assuming someone isn't bright because they have a tattoo says more about the intelligence of the beholder than the person with the tattoo. Don't like them? That's up to you, but judging someone because they have chosen to do something to their own body for personal reasons is ridiculous.
OP decide how important it is to you and talk to dh about it.
And I know many people in their 60s and beyond with tattoos, they look amazing because it shows something about their life and their character - far more interesting than twin set and pearls!

My mum has a tattoo and she's in her late 50's. Doesn't look shit. Looks like the tattoo she got but on an older persons skin.

If you want one get one. You could just get a really small one if its that big of a deal for partner. Or somewhere like on your foot

See now that's irritating, GrumpyOldBiddy because you're generalising and making the flipside of the comments you didn't like yourself.

Somebody with tattoos is not necessarily more interesting than somebody with pearls and twinset... what you have inked on your body or choose to clothe it in has absolutely nothing to do with you as a person; what's inside, thoughts and feelings.

How about everybody stop making these pointless and insulting generalisations to swipe at everybody else? It's not a 'them and us' situation, is it?

I don't think I could DTD with someone who had a tattoo. Just ghastly things
Good grief, nothing superficial about that statement.

It's that poster's choice though, her right to choose, whether you think it's superficial or not.

Plenty of people would DTD with a tattooed person, some others may not on that same basis. All fine.

Tattoos of sports achievements? Hmmm may get an egg and spoon tattoo