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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

526 replies

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:04

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:
BookSnark · 02/06/2015 11:05

Not unreasonable - but why wouldn't you leave her at home?

ImperialBlether · 02/06/2015 11:06

I think if it's only for three hours, that's fine. When I was that age I spent longer than that in the library at one time and it wasn't for babysitting reasons, it was just that I liked reading there.

fiveacres · 02/06/2015 11:06

Sounds fine to me.

LondonZoo · 02/06/2015 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CluckingBelle · 02/06/2015 11:08

I have a ten year old and I think I would, as long as she was comfortable with it. I'd prefer her to be there, nearby to where I was working, as opposed to half an hour away at home. That we she could come to me if she needed me.

grannytomine · 02/06/2015 11:08

Sounds fine to me. I would often spend that long in the library when I was that age, I had to go nextdoor to the swimming pool to get to a little cafe. I loved it.

SoupDragon · 02/06/2015 11:09

I think it's fine if you are sure she would be ok with it and isn't going to get bored etc.

It wouldn't have worked with mine - the only bookworm is DS2 and I would not have trusted him to be sensible.

BadPoet · 02/06/2015 11:09

What's the library policy on unattended children? If you are leaving her there because you are happier with other adults about then YABU - it's not their job. If you are leaving her there because you'd be happy to leave her at home but think she'd prefer the library then YANBU I suppose - can't help but think that it's the former though.

drudgetrudy · 02/06/2015 11:10

I think that's okay. She could text you if she really needed anything and I think its better than leaving her at home.

ItsTricky · 02/06/2015 11:10

Sounds fine to me. 3 hours will go quite quickly for her if she's engrossed in her book. I'd go through a few scenarios with her such as what to do if the fire alarm goes off etc and make sure she sends a text if moving from library to cafe and vice versa

balletnotlacrosse · 02/06/2015 11:14

Sounds fine to me. I'd prefer her to stay in the library than go to a café on her own, but I suppose 3 hours is a long time in that regard. Is there any section of the library where she could go and sit and have a snack, use the loo etc?

fourcorneredcircle · 02/06/2015 11:18

What badpoet said... Libraries are not childcare. If she has an accident, or something happens that she can't cope with how is it fair to put the librarians in that position?

TheWitTank · 02/06/2015 11:19

I think that's fine if she is sensible and you feel she will be comfortable with that. The only issue may be the library -will they accept unaccompanied children for that long?

WipsGlitter · 02/06/2015 11:21

I don't know to be honest. It's a bit like using them as unpaid childcare, if you are not happy with her being at home on her own why are you happy with her being in a library?

I totally sympathise though - we are currently writing cheques for £00s for summer childcare at the minute (nine weeks where I am!!)

drudgetrudy · 02/06/2015 11:22

She is nearly 11-many kids of that age go to the library on their own-she isn't 4.
Its unlikely she would have an accident in a library but if she did I expect they would phone OP who is very nearby. It would be worse if she had an accident at home. I don't think OP is expecting the librarian to be responsible for her daughter.

TheWanderingUterus · 02/06/2015 11:23

Lots of parents do this in my local library, as long as the child is over 8 it's fine with them. The library is in a central location in the town centre so lots of parents leave grumpy preteens there rather than drag them round the shops.

I wouldn't have any worries if she is sensible and has a phone.

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:24

Thanks for replies.

Booksnark - I might leave her at home if she's comfortable with that but I'd prefer her to be nearby.

BadPoet - you are wrong to assume I want other adults to keep an eye on her. She can happily spend hours in the library and is sensible and confident enough to go to the cafe for a cake and drink.

OP posts:
BookSnark · 02/06/2015 11:25

Same could be said of me though!

If I fall and hit my head in the library - someone'll have to mop up the blood and contact emergency services. They might even be stuck with my distressed toddler to deal with.

If OP DC is not especially 'needy' or 'random' - and can be trusted to follow rules - then I think nearly-secondary-age in a library is fine.

balletgirlmum · 02/06/2015 11:25

At her age I was taking myself to the library & spent hours looking stuff up etc.

However last year I was publicly told off in our local library by a librarian for leaving my 10 year old ds doing his homework whilst I popped to Boots for 10 minutes.

BabyMurloc · 02/06/2015 11:27

So long as:

Library policy says she can be left unattended.
You know you can trust her.
She knows how to call you/get to you if needed.

Not ideal ofc but if she ticks all those boxes AND would be happy I would do it.

balletgirlmum · 02/06/2015 11:28

I really wish I'd spotted the signs that said children under 8 shouldn't be left unattended as she really had a go at me!

SheHasAWildHeart · 02/06/2015 11:29

It might be worth finding out what events are on at the library. I used to work at the Library of Birmingham and we had lots of free events on for the kids.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 11:30

As an ex librarian yabu. We get more than our fair share of kids dumped for the day with the expectation we will keep an eye on them because with all the will in the world that's what's happening.

What if she's in the library and gets a better offer, heads out with pals and you have no idea? Are you going to come in and expect the library staff to know where she is?

Libraries are not dumping grounds. It's so hard when a random child appears and hours later it's perfectly clear they've been left there whilst mum shops, gets hair done, goes elsewhere with other dc or even just doesn't want the child under their feet at home. Do you really think these children slip in unnoticed and don't cause any issues whilst they are there?

I used to be in constant contact with social work for advice. We weren't registered childcare, no first aid or child protection training, no childcare experience or even the desire to look after children.

TheWitTank · 02/06/2015 11:30

That was my thought ballet -our local library have a sign up about unaccompanied children and keep a razor sharp eye on all goings on. I know they would not be happy with a 10 year old for 3 hours. I don't have an issue with it myself and think a sensible 10 year old should be perfectly fine reading for a few hours, but I don't want the op getting a shirty phone call from the library or her upset daughter! Might be an idea to check out their policy before hand.

Librarina · 02/06/2015 11:31

Hi,

I'm a Librarian and we get this a lot in the summer holidays. Our policy is no unaccompanied children under the age of 8 years old. We keep half an eye on slightly older children, especially when they turn up regularly and we've been known to offer them juice and biscuit if we have any.

Our willingness to look kindly on this is in direct proportion to the behaviour of the child when they are in our Library. (And a little bit to do with the friendliness of the parent when they drop off/pick up - saying Hi to us and 'Bye' goes a long way). One of the things that often causes me concern is if I've been keeping that half an eye on a child and then they just disappear without saying 'Bye' to us, as I don't know if they are OK and there's little I can do to find out.

If she had an accident whilst on our premises we would provide a qualified first aider in the same way that we would any other person. I'd have to check our safeguarding policy as what else we would need to do for an unaccompanied minor. She might be interested to know that we quite often have activities on over the summer which, if you chat to the library staff, she might be able to 'help' with if she wanted to.

On the whole, I'm sure it would be fine. Three hours is kind of at the limit as to what I think is OK to leave a child of 10. If you are at work nearby and she will keep in regular contact with you, that will help if Library staff are aware of that.

Personally, I would rather have been left in a library at that age, round the corner from my Mum than at home 30 mins drive away.