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AIBU?

To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

526 replies

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:04

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Report

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 12:24

I don't see it as 'dumping' her but letting her spend time doing something she loves in an environment she's comfortable in (library 30 mins from home but we've been visiting since she was a toddler and it's fab).

One alternative is a local childminder which she doesn't want because 'there are loads of babies there, mum'. Also, childminders here can't guarantee the ad hoc hours I'd need.

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/06/2015 12:25

Did you say why she can't stay at home OP?

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 12:26

Most libraries have 8 as the cut off age. 10.5 for a morning or afternoon is absolutely fine. Not up to the staff to make judgement calls about children over that age, unless there are other issues apparent beyond just being 10 or 11.

catsrus · 02/06/2015 12:26

east sussex also say that 'a child' refers to under 8's. This is clearly the nationally accepted cut off. eastsussexgovukstorage.blob.core.windows.net/media/1005/librarybyelawsposter2014.pdf

fiveacres · 02/06/2015 12:27

The OP's place of work is near to the library but not to her home. Hence it seems that it is more sensible to have her DD close to home.

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 12:28

Just make sure there aren't time limits on the computers, Gonk. Some only allow an hour for under 16s or reserve the right to stop a session after this if people are waiting for the computers.

balletgirlmum · 02/06/2015 12:29

Strawberry you sound like the scaremongering librarian who told me off for letting ds go the library for 10 flipping minutes.

Picture the scene. I meet ds from school & we walk into town (we have an hour to kill before footy training. )

Me: we need to take your book back to the library then you can sit & do your homework before football but first I need to pop to Boots.

Ds: do I have to come to Boots, can't I go take my books back while you do the shopping & I'll meet you there.

I couldn't see a problem with that at all but the librarian told me it wasn't safe!!!

I thought it was far safer than him hanging round outside on his own (which is still as safe as it gets at 3.30pm on a sunny day v

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 12:29

Time that has to be specified by your working hours. That's the difference. It's not just her popping in and out when she fancies. She has to spend at least 3 hours in the library whilst you are committed to working elsewhere. 3 hours is not an insignificant length of time.

Lweji · 02/06/2015 12:32

I'd rather she was close to where I was working than 30 min drive away at home. My DS is 10.5 and I'd expect him to be ok with a similar setting.

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 12:32

What agE are you prepared to allow unaccompanied children into your library without disapproving or thinking it isn't safe, Sillystuff?

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/06/2015 12:32

As long as you don't expect the staff to 'look after' her more than they would any other visitor to the library (I.e help her if she needs to find a book or if she is sick/has an accident/feels uncomfortable about another patron) then I don't see the the problem. She's 10, not 5, and sounds like a mature girl who can be trusted not to make noise or run around. at her age I lived in my local library and would have been very happy, quiet and sensibly occupied for three hours with a pile of books and a comfy corner to sit in

Welshmaenad · 02/06/2015 12:33

At that age I would not only go to the library alone for hours, but I'd sometimes bus it to the next town which had a bigger library.

And yes, I did just go in and read. Some children do.

It sounds like she will enjoy the independence OP, go for it.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 02/06/2015 12:33

I'd love to know what being a 'wealthy married Christian' has to do with any of this, happybubblebrain - can you enlighten me?

girliefriend · 02/06/2015 12:33

I don't think I would do this but then I wouldn't trust my dd not to get bored and start mucking about!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/06/2015 12:34

When I was that age I spent loads of time in the library on my own. Loved it. Even got to walk there by myself!

One thing I would say OP, while it's lovely to include DCs in decisions, sometimes what you say has to go. She may not want to go to the CM, she may not want to go to holiday clubs, but for this summer, while you're getting settled at work, that's tough. She doesn't get to choose - if you don't feel she's safe at home (which you clearly don't or you wouldn't be on this thread) then you have to make proper arrangements.

balletgirlmum · 02/06/2015 12:34

The OPs dd is free to come & go if she feels uncomfirtabke at someone coming in. She could go to the cafe next door for example. Or even walk up to OPs place of work

If I was an adult usingbthe library & someone made me feel uncomfortable I'd report it & expect the staff to either approach the person or keep an eye to see if he/she was behaving appropriately. So why shouldn't they do the same for a child.

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 12:34

I think happy meant if library staff were to report the child of a single parent SS would be more disapproving than of a naice MC family. Which is rubbish.

balletgirlmum · 02/06/2015 12:35

I'm a wealthyish married atheist happy bubble & ds was wearing distinctive private school uniform. It made no difference. We were still told off!

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/06/2015 12:36

This also brings back memories of visiting a stately home when I was a very nerdy, history mad twelve year old - I'd walked a little ahead of my parents to look at a painting, making far less noise and disruption than the adult tourists, and was detained by an officious woman because I was an 'unaccompanied child'. I was such a nerdy, smart kid that I probably knew more about the bloody house than she did I can still remember the humiliation at being assumed to be up to no good purely because of my age - maturity levels vary so widely with preteen that it seems unfair to automatically assume (as some have done up thread) that they'll immediately cause trouble and/or injure themselves if left to their own devices in a pub licence place.

fiveacres · 02/06/2015 12:37

It's the atheism ballet

Go to church!

SoupDragon · 02/06/2015 12:38

Using a facility at a certain time for a certain length of time to fit in with work is not the same as just going to the library. It's using the library as childcare.

How is going to the library alone for 3 hours different from being left in the library for 3 hours? Fundamentally they aren't.

Her 10 year old Dd can't up and leave when she's fed up or if someone she doesn't like pops in and annoys her.

Yes she can, she can go to the cafe or text/call her mother if there is a real problem.

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/06/2015 12:38

*Public place!

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RiverTam · 02/06/2015 12:38

so you're saying that no 10 yo, regardless of whether it's of their own volition or because mum's at work, can spend 3 hours in the library, silly? And that you worry about where every single unattended child goes to after when they leave the library? Sorry, but that's your problem that you're choosing to concern yourself so much with this. As many have said, we were in and out of the library at that age, sometimes for long periods. It's a 10 yo! Christ, they're responsible for commiting a crime at that age, so surely they can be responsible for sitting in the library!!!

Mrsjayy · 02/06/2015 12:40

Yabu you can say your dd is sensible etc but in reality you want her somewhere out the house where adults are around just incase yes children go into library but you are using it as a babysitter

fiveacres · 02/06/2015 12:41

It's rare I have my English teacher head on but I am inclined to think a child reading for whatever reason is a positive.

I bet she'll treasure the memories from this summer.

Her mum is nearby and she has a phone. She is in a building that isn't typically associated with delinquency; she can go out for drinks and snacks and she has a variety of activities.

Much better than with a childminder - I agree with OPs DD on this one.

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