Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

526 replies

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:04

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:
outtolunchagain · 04/06/2015 08:27

Goodness at 10 I would regularly take myself off yo the library for at least 3 hours , I would also go with my DF yo the town where he worked and spend the time pottering around the shops going to the library and having lunch in the middle with him.

At 10 my children regularly went to the library whilst I shopped etc , a totally normal activity where we live

motherwithheadache · 04/06/2015 09:04

Well, I have finally come up with a risk. THere might be a small earth quack, which, if not familiar with this, could be quite scary.

Noneedtoworryatall · 04/06/2015 09:29

Yes I've seen them, but op needs to speak to her library re their policy.

Regardless of policy I would never leave my child at the library so I could work, in my opinion that is just taking the piss.

Op is using the library for childcare. That is just wrong.

NewTwenty · 04/06/2015 09:52

I think that it depends on the library and, from what you have said about your library, it sounds as if the provision for children is very good.

The other way to approach it might be to recruit a bookish sixth-former to also go to the library - to be nominally 'in charge'. I would have happily done that for a fiver at age 17.

usualmum · 04/06/2015 09:57

My 10.9 ds would think its his equivalent of winning the lottery to be permitted to be in the library undisturbed!! He loves reading (spelling not great) and always has 3/4 books with him. He even reads as he walks home from school (not so great)...home is 150 yards from school...GrinGrin
Btw, I am the type of Mum who picks and drops the kids off at various places but think its great for your child to enjoy the freedom of reading and being independant.
YAdefNBU...

Tinuviel · 04/06/2015 10:23

There must be some really dangerous libraries about! As I said earlier, DS1 used to spend a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon at that age - it never crossed my mind that something terrible could happen. Possibly because I can't imagine what could go so wrong in a library. (But my English teacher always did say I lacked imagination!) The only reason he wasn't there for 3 hours was because it shut at 4 and they kicked him out.Wink

And I'm glad our library staff are more friendly than some on here - more recently they let DS1 and DS2 play Yugioh with their friends in the Local History Room because there was a good sized table and they were quiet and well-behaved. I think they were just glad to have teenagers in the library!

Lweji · 04/06/2015 12:15

I have left my DS in my office, unattended basically, while being cared for by the laptop, while I was out of reach in meetings. Assuming that he'd rely on work colleagues if there was an emergency. Without telling them.

I will report myself to SS.

BTW, I really don't think you're a piss taker.

And that you don't need to organise proper for childcare for your child while you're at work.

She (and many of us) can only benefit from reading a lot...

CornChips · 04/06/2015 12:30

I would have been in heaven at her age.

I am unlikely to do the same with DS as he is autistic. (he's also 5.)

That's all I can contribute.

Congrats on the job!

NotEnoughTime · 04/06/2015 13:03

I wouldn't do it myself nervous wreck emoticon

However, I can see that you have weighed up the pro's and con's and have made a carefully considered decision.

I hope it works out well for you both and good luck with your new job.

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 04/06/2015 14:59

Edith Fusty - fab name Grin

Thanks for good wishes!

OP posts:
ChocolateWombat · 04/06/2015 18:16

OP, I'm glad that you have made your mind up and I hope this thread has helped you to do so. As ever, there are a variety of view points.
You obviously didn't like my views, but I tried to express them politely and constructively, because you had asked for opinions. At no point did I say I knew what your motivations were, or that I knew your daughter better than you. I said on several occasions that I hoped you both had a good summer and whatever you decided that it worked out well, so I'm not really sure what I said, which caused you great annoyance.

At the end of the day, we all make our own decisions about these things. Sometimes the way it falls can be pretty marginal. I assume you weren't entirely the library was the way to go, because otherwise you wouldn't have posted on here and asked what people thought. Lots have been positive and encouraged you, but a large number have also been clear that they wouldn't do it.....it clearly is a marginal decision for a 10 year old, and factors such as the individual child clearly play a big role.

I absolutely agree that it would be great for a 10 year old to spend some time in the library alone reading, yes libraries want young people in, both with and without their parents. I still think there are better alternatives for a half day slot when a parent is working, but clearly you and your daughter being happy with this approach is the important thing.

I hope your new job goes well and that both of you have a great summer.

grannytomine · 04/06/2015 19:11

When my son was 10 and his little brother 7 they would often spend the day at the county ground watching cricket. I was at work. I never even thought anyone would report me for abandoning them. It would have been fun really, I worked at the same police station as the officers policing the game. When they came back into the station for shift change/refreshments/bringing a prisoner in they would put their heads round the door and tell me the kids were fine. Heavens, I was using police officers as childcare and they were colluding with me.

Yarp · 04/06/2015 19:16

Bertrand

You have been really polite. And although I agree with what the OP proposes to do, I'm not really sure why she posted either.

OP

I don't think there's any need to characterise people who have disagreed with you as over-the-top or hysterical. I agree with you, but all any of us can do is answer you according to our own preferences and experiences with our own children. (Good to hear the professional views of SWs too)

Iwantahandbag · 04/06/2015 19:49

My 10.5 year old DS goes to the library by himself once a week while I take my youngest to an after school activity. It is only for around 45 minutes though. (He did go with a friend for around 1.5 hours in half term though).
It started when we had half an hour to spare between school finishing and the activity starting, we would pop into the library a couple of minutes away. DS never wanted to leave, so over the past few months he has been staying there reading, doing homework and on the computer while I take the youngest to their class.
I do give him our spare mobile phone for this time in case he needs to contact me. I am about a two minute walk away. The librarians have got to know us and it's never been a problem.
I personally would not discuss it with the library staff, unless there is a policy on show. It may look like your asking them to keep an eye on her.
May also be useful to discuss a few scenarios and go through the rules. I once received a text from DS asking me to come and get him. Raced over there, he was only worried as one of the librarians told him off when he decided to get his half eaten packed lunch out! I had assumed he knew that you are not able to eat and drink!
You could also start going over the next few weeks to get into the practice. Maybe drop her off, and go to a nearby coffee shop for an hour. That way you suss out how she is, how the staff react and they will start to recognise you and your DD.
As a child I remember spending long summer days in the library reading sweet valley high and sweet dreams books. Wish I had the time to do all that reading now.
Good luck in your new job.

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 04/06/2015 20:30

Who's Bertrand?

ChocWombat - you've not caused me great annoyance but you have made several assertions about me and my child which I have corrected. I hope you have a lovely summer too

Yarp - many of the responses have been OTT (I've even been called disgusting) and I think I've been very restrained. And very grateful for variety of responses. Not going to argue with you about it.

Why did I post asking for views? I suppose working out of the home is new for me and having been through a period of ill health my confidence is shaky and thought it might help to get some opinions. And it has.

OP posts:
Singsongsung · 07/06/2015 10:06

I once read some good advice about child safety and those decisions we make each day about how we look after our children (I think it was on the NSPCC website but I may be wrong):
If you are in two minds over whether something is safe for your child then don't do it.

Silvercatowner · 07/06/2015 10:26

It's lovely that so many youngsters spend so much unaccompanied time in the library. I did myself at the age. But to me, this is different and makes me feel very uncomfortable. This is unpaid childcare and as such, not on.

Icimoi · 07/06/2015 10:49

No, it really isn't childcare, Silver. Not even librarians think that.

Lweji · 07/06/2015 10:53

If it would be fine to leave the child at home alone, we cannot call child care to her being alone in a public place, can we?
Librarians are not supposed to check if she is there, if she is ok, to give her food, or to ring her mother if something trivial happens.

The girl has money, a phone and can go outside to buy food or do whatever she likes.
She does not need to be cared for.

Silvercatowner · 07/06/2015 11:06

Icimol - you have a direct line into all the librarians' brains?

Of course it is childcare, mum is at work. If mum considers her to be independent then she should be left at home. I was at that age and I left my children when they just a bit older. But she isn't considering doing this and it is that that makes me uncomfortable.

Lweji · 07/06/2015 11:09

Librarians posted here on this thread.

Silvercatowner · 07/06/2015 11:11

All of them?

Lweji · 07/06/2015 11:14

Icimoi didn't say all either. :)

TorresTourist · 07/06/2015 11:17

I think it's fine to do it, she sounds like she'd enjoy it, she can go to the cafe and you are nearby if there is a problem.

Icimoi · 07/06/2015 12:10

Silver, no, but I have RTFT where a number of librarians have expressed that view. And if you seriously believe that I was claiming to be writing on behalf of all librarians in the world, you need a reality check.