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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to defer or not to defer (Scotland)

141 replies

confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 10:55

Deferring DC1 means that he would end up in the same school year as our twins.

I am totally torn. DH thinks it would be better to be in their own class, but so many people defer that a February birthday would probably be very, very young for that year.

OP posts:
Sn00p4d · 07/02/2015 10:58

Totally depends on the child I think, is he "young" for his age, could he cope with school, is he showing any readiness for schooling yet?
Beginning of feb birthday or end?
If it wasn't for the younger siblings I'd go with deferral but can see how that would be a bit of an issue!

Velocirapture · 07/02/2015 11:00

Can you ask the school how many are going to defer in that year? Or ask that she goes in a class that has less deferred children.

DS's class has kids that are a full year and a bit older that ones that were not deferred. It shows in height but the youngest ones (girls incidentally, the deferred ones are boys) are completely fine.

trixymalixy · 07/02/2015 11:02

Difficult. I deferred my DS and it was definitely the best thing for him. I'd normally highly recommend deferring. Do they have more than one class for the P1 intake?

WeAllHaveWings · 07/02/2015 11:03

I deferred ds (11 this month, P6) and have never regretted it and would recommend to everyone.

The twins adds an extra dimension to the decision. How many classes does the school have? in ds's school there are 4 infant classes and 3 from p4 upwards so big enough each sibling could be on their own class. Not sure what I would do if there were less classes.

Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 11:04

Very end of February. It would either be school years 2018 or 2019 so probably far too early, but jobs/house moves and things are involved. Bugger.

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 11:04

Normally only 1 P1, yes.

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 07/02/2015 11:05

Can you defer the twins too so they are not the same year?

Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 11:07

No, they're November babies.

OP posts:
babyboomersrock · 07/02/2015 11:09

I would defer. In fact, someone in our immediate family is doing this - same birthday month - because she works in education and sees the problems some children have as a result of starting too soon. There are two other children in the nursery who are in the same situation and they will all go to school the year following their fifth birthday.

Is your DH concerned that DC1 will feel upset by being in the same class as the younger siblings? I'd just be very matter of fact about it and say to DC that it all depends when your birthday is, and DC1's birthday means he'll be going at the same time as the twins.

If lots of other parents are deferring, that's another good reason to do the same. It will be much easier for your DC to settle in a group where they are all of a similar age.

Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 11:14

Is your DH concerned that DC1 will feel upset by being in the same class as the younger siblings? I'd just be very matter of fact about it and say to DC that it all depends when your birthday is, and DC1's birthday means he'll be going at the same time as the twins.

No. He thinks that they need space to be their themselves, away from each other. It's the same sort of reason why people often split up twins.

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WeAllHaveWings · 07/02/2015 11:17

Gut feeling is deferring is best for your ds. Main worry is if ds is older and doing better than twins in same year it could demotivate the twins, but tbh friend had this problem anyway when one twin was academic and the other wasn't.

Means you've got the same homework each night to look forward to. Same awful Biff, Chip and Kipper book to read three times!!! Wink

WeAllHaveWings · 07/02/2015 11:19

You don't need to make the decision until quite late. I registered ds in the feb to keep our options open, but then decided much later to defer.

Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 11:22

I didn't know you could do that WeAllHaveWings!

I know it's a bit early, but I like having a game-plan Grin

Same awful Biff, Chip and Kipper book to read three times!!!

Yikes!

OP posts:
OwlMother · 07/02/2015 11:23

You can defer the twins. You don't have to send them to school until they're five, so you send them the august before they're six. We did this with ds who is a December birthday.

The only issue that arrived is with nursery funding, they are only automatically entitled to two years, and if they start the January after they're three they'll need more than two years. The nursery can apply for an additional year- for us it seemed to be nearly automatic. It's worth speaking to the school.

FortyFacedFuckers · 07/02/2015 11:26

To be honest I would wait until closer to the time to decide I was going to defer DS 9 but both school & nursery advised me against it saying he was more than capable ready etc so I sent him and honestly couldn't imagine him being a year behind now he has done very well at school has always been in top groups ect.

beatofthedrum · 07/02/2015 11:28

I agree with deferring for late February. I deferred my Jan dd and am deferring my Jan ds. Cannot imagine them being in the year above. I see the complication with the twins but I think overall it would be better for your dc1 not to be so very young for his year.

bigkidsdidit · 07/02/2015 11:29

I've just decided not to defer my January boy. It is really falling out of favour where we are. His nursery workers thought he would be bored for another year there too.

Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 11:29

Thank you so much OwlMother! Flowers I'll speak to nursery next week.

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Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 11:31

Hmm, that's interesting if the tide is starting to turn.

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bigkidsdidit · 07/02/2015 11:35

Yes apparently the new curriculum merges nursery and p1 more so it's less of a shock. (Heard this second hand though). But deferral numbers are dropping - cost of childcare may be an issue too, it is for us.

APlaceInTheWinter · 07/02/2015 11:36

Have you spoken to the school or/and nursery to see if they think your DS is ready for school?

I didn't defer DS because he would have been bored with another year at nursery and his P1 teacher agreed we'd made the correct decision as he settled well into school.

I think you have to judge it on your DS. Although I do think the DTs complicate matters as your DS is probably going to have to constantly explain that he isn't a triplet; that he is a year older than them and that you decide to defer him. Putting him in that situation would make me uncomfortable tbh as I don't know of any circumstances where siblings of different ages are in the same class. I would worry that the DCs thought it meant that your DS isn't as capable as the DTs. Of course if you defer the DTs too then that won't be a problem.

Namelesswonder · 07/02/2015 11:38

I was advised not to defer January DD as it was felt she was ready and another year of nursery would have bored her. She is now P6 and in top groups for everything. I would say wait and see and take advice from nursery and school staff.

trixymalixy · 07/02/2015 11:39

I would say the opposite actually, deferring is definitely the done thing here. Why put your kids at a disadvantage right from the start when you have the option not to.

If it was my decision, and could afford an extra year of nursery for the twins , then I would try to defer all 3.

Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 11:40

It's far too early to judge them, but we need to have a rough idea of preferences for job/house move/ financial reasons.

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 07/02/2015 11:42

Nursery told me DS was ready for school too, but it was definitely the right thing for him, he fits right in the class he's in in terms of height and maturity, and he was definitely not bored being at nursery for an extra year and he is a bright child. what child gets bored of playing?

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