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AIBU?

to defer or not to defer (Scotland)

141 replies

confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 10:55

Deferring DC1 means that he would end up in the same school year as our twins.

I am totally torn. DH thinks it would be better to be in their own class, but so many people defer that a February birthday would probably be very, very young for that year.

OP posts:

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BloodyDogHairs · 07/02/2015 14:12

Oh god I'm now sitting looking at my DS born March 2012 and my Dd born November 2013 and I have no idea when they should start school!

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 14:17

Bloody Aug 2017 aged 5 years 5 months for your DS.

Aug 2018 aged 4 years 9 months for your DD.

BloodyDogHairs · 07/02/2015 14:19

Ah thankyou thankyou!!

If DD starts nursery age 3, will she be in with her brother for a few months until he starts school?

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 14:25

I think so. A pre-school type nursery?

Will your DS start after Easter? The term after he turns three.

So DD would start Jan 2017. So yeah, 7ish months they'd be there together. There's a few siblings like that in my DS's nursery just now.

BloodyDogHairs · 07/02/2015 14:31

Yes, I've not applied for a place yet for him so not sure if I'm starting him when he turns 3 or waiting until after the summer holidays when he can start with the other new children.

Thanks for being helpful, I'm going to screenshot the dates now

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 14:35

No problem! I don't normally know stuff so I'm getting a warm, fuzzy feeling from being helpful

readyforno2 · 07/02/2015 14:38

I work in a preschool (in Scotland) I would say generally if you can defer do.

A child is always going to be at an advantage being the oldest in the year as opposed to being the youngest. Academically, a child may be 'ready' for school but emotionally maybe not so.

It is a preschool's job to ensure that's child is learning to their full potential, so if they say a child is 'bored' then they are not doing their jobs properly. All children progress at different levels and this must be taken into account when planning etc. However I do agree with pp who said that with the curriculum for excellence the merge between preschool and p1 shouldn't be as much of an adjustment.

RawCoconutMacaroon · 07/02/2015 14:43

In your position we would defer all 3 DC.
As others have said, no child is required to start P1 until the August after their 5th birthday. This is entirely the choice of the parents, not the nursery or the school although they may try to make you think it is their choice and not yours! This issue for some is free funding of an additional year of funding, you may not get funding.

Our oct born DC is not starting P1till he's 5 3/4 and that was our choice... We firmly stated that when he started nursery and they are fine with it but said we will need to self fund his second year there.

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 14:51

RTT. There's no need to defer all three.

OP wanted to defer her son but thought that would mean he'd be in the same year group as the twins. If the OP defers her son he'll still be a year above his siblings.

RawCoconutMacaroon · 07/02/2015 15:09

Bigkidsdidit... The data about no long term benefit to deferring, or indeed to deferring actually harming kids is trundled out in one form or another occasionally by councils trying to discourage parents from exercising their legal right not to start their child at school until the August after they turn 5.

The data, when you look into it typically looks at the attainment of children who have (mostly) been deferred for medical and social reasons which have seriously impacted their development - not for more general reasons of parental choice or for being not quite ready for school.

Sadly, many of these children, even tho they may benefit from deferral, will still do worse than average with their schooling... But I bet the extra year in nursery helped them cope with school better than they would have without that deferral.

For kids who are progressing well, who are maybe just a bit young socially IMO the benefit of not enrolling them at school until you actually have to, is the extra year they have to mature, being a little bit older when they come to cope with exam pressures, uni applications etc.

If we had the time again, our eldest two who started p1 at 4 1/2 would both be deferred (despite both being academically very high achieving). Both were sitting Highers at 16, uni interviews at 16 1/2 (against English and international students many of whom were already 18), started uni at 17 1/2 after completing 6th year...

There are a lots of valid reasons for not rushing to start formal education at the earliest possible time, it's not just about wether they are "ready" for p1 at 4 1/2.

JennyBlueWren · 07/02/2015 15:13

Does he go to preschool -if so what do they think?
I have recommended all but one parent who can to defer their child. Only one I haven't is because she is very ready for it (I could put her into P1 now and she'd be in her element).
Does he seem ready at all? Confident, mixes well, follows instructions, asks questions and wants to know more, writes their own name and copies other words (choosing to do so), tries to read books (familiar tales or using pictures to make it up), counting beyond 10, recognising and ordering numbers...

I can understand not wanting three in the same class but it does happen in smaller schools. How do you think they'll behave together? Would it be a problem or just in theory?

Groovee · 07/02/2015 15:17

My dd was 15 last month, so she's in S3. She was very young socially and emotionally at 4. Now at 15 she's transferred to high school with very few problems and is doing well all round. This is when I had bigger worries for. I wanted her to be 16 when she sat her exams. And she has very little drama compared to friends children who are the year younger. A number regret not deferring now.

Groovee · 07/02/2015 15:26

As an EYP, it concerns me a nursery said a child would be "bored" staying at nursery! Nursery can be adapted so many ways and by different things, if they think a child is bored, then it sounds like they are lazy and not good at being able to stretch a child in learning through play.

Mrsjayy · 07/02/2015 17:06

Fwiw my dd has passed all her standard grades 3 highers and doing 3 more in 6th year so she has coped fine her pals are mostly winter borns funnily enough so she is just as mature as them 1 of her friends did 2 6th years didn't know you could do that but they are just turned 18

Mrsjayy · 07/02/2015 17:07

They have* sorry

temperamentalamongcorvids · 07/02/2015 17:10

I would defer your dc1 and your twins too.

I've just deferred my November born DC, so it can be done.

LindyHemming · 07/02/2015 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Almostfifty · 07/02/2015 17:41

I have a February DC. We didn't defer. I had another one a year ahead of himself up here (moved to Scotland after he'd been to school for a couple of years) and he managed no problem too.

It's worse if they go to University, so it's worth having a year out then.

MrsAmaretto · 07/02/2015 18:11

Dec-Feb birthdays defer here. Nursery should be providing learning that stretches them no matter if they are deferred or a genius 3year old.

It's not just about P1, sibling went to uni after 6th year, but as a December baby she wasn't 18 for the whole of the first term & couldn't get into most places with her new pals. Rubbish.

dementedpixie · 07/02/2015 18:22

I had a November birthday and left school at 16 (after 5th year) to go to Uni. I had no problems drinking with my Uni friends!

OP, your DC1 would be due to start school in August 2017 at the age of 4y 6m. If you deferred him he would start school in August 2018.

Your twins would be due to start school in August 2019 at the age of 4y 9m so would not be in the same class as your DC1 even if he was deferred.

dementedpixie · 07/02/2015 18:24

p.s. I found a link earlier that said only 4% of children in North Lanarkshire get deferred so that's why I know very few that have been.

skinoncustard · 07/02/2015 18:25

Mini & Pops

Sorry my mistake, wrote in a hurry.

Dd1 was 4 at the end of Feb . Could have gone to school August of the same year. I chose not to send her till the following August . Therefore she was 5 1/2 .

Dd2 wasn't 4 until 2 weeks after the end of Feb deadline , therefore she couldn't go until the following year . Therefore was also 51/2 . Which I saw as a blessing in disguise.

Sorry for the misunderstanding

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McPie · 07/02/2015 18:34

My November twins were deferred due to not being emotionally ready to deal with school. We had the full backing of the nursery, they approached us about it but it was already something I had considered. There were no issues settling in on the first day, even with them being in different classes. I would approach the nursery with your concerns as they are the ones who will set the ball rolling but personally it was right for my two and I would do it again if I had to. (Bonus is they both enjoy being the eldest in their classes )

AgentProvocateur · 07/02/2015 23:03

Mimiandpops, I've RTT and I still say defer all three!

KristinaM · 07/02/2015 23:14

I would defer them all

We have didn't defer a january baby and now wish we had. It was ok in primary but harder in secondary when the others are much older

We DID defer a December child and it was a great decision. No regrets at all

Personally I think that " being ready for school " is not the issue. It's only primary one! For me it's

" do you want them to be the oldest in their class or the youngest when they are choosing options /sitting their national 5s/highers /choosing a university or college course ? "

We decided to defer the December child when he was 3 so the nursery held him back a class. So he wasn't in a group that all went to school except him

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