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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to defer or not to defer (Scotland)

141 replies

confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 10:55

Deferring DC1 means that he would end up in the same school year as our twins.

I am totally torn. DH thinks it would be better to be in their own class, but so many people defer that a February birthday would probably be very, very young for that year.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 07/02/2015 12:33

Dd is a February Birthday I didn't defer and for a few years I regretted it but it turned out she has some learning difficulties we didn't know so once she was diagnosed it helped. It is really up to you you will have 3 children in primary 1 so thats 3 new starts I think it would send dc1 then the twins so they are settled before the twins start. Dd is nearly left now I can see the years difference between her and her nearly 18yr old friends but she had coped great in high school. I honestly think it is swings and roundabouts

Journey · 07/02/2015 12:33

My council wouldn't pay for the twins deferred year, if the only reason is the fact their brother might be in same class as them. It wouldn't be considered a valid reason for deferring a November baby. I think you might very well end up having to pay for your twins deferred year.

Mrsjayy · 07/02/2015 12:34

Speak to the nursery to see what they say

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 12:36

I'm confusing myself a bit here but your DS was born Feb 2013 so is meant to go to school with the March 2012-Feb 2013 lot.

A year below him would be the March 2013-Feb 2014 lot.

And your twins should be with the March 2014-Feb 2015 lot.

So if you defer him he'll still be a year above your twins?

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 12:37
Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 12:38

I am so confused...

Feb 2013, he will be 5 2018 and 6 2019?

OP posts:
cunexttuesonline · 07/02/2015 12:39

It's a long time away though? I think you should wait until nearer the time and see if DC1 seems emotionally mature enough. We deferred Feb born DS1 and that was a good idea as he was not ready for school at 4 so normally I would recommend deferring, however I think in your situation, with the younger siblings I would aim to put him at 4.5 providing that you feel he could cope with it.

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 12:40

Nah 2017 and you want to defer him until 2018.

Aug 2017 he'll be four and a half.

Aug 2018 he'll be five and a half.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 07/02/2015 12:42

Could you look at moving somewhere with two primaries near to one another?? Possibly a totally daft idea, I know...

Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 12:43

My mind has actually gone totally blank Confused Blush

So I can defer him and the twins will be 2019 and that's okay?

OP posts:
APlaceInTheWinter · 07/02/2015 12:43

trixy no it was rated outstanding and was a nice nursery but small. Also, the nursery didn't say not to defer for those reasons. I was responding to your point about DCs not being bored playing for another year by pointing out that pre-school year was more structured in our nursery.

The nursery actually encouraged most parents to defer but iirc only one parent did. However that parent was also advised to defer by the HT of the attached primary as they also felt the DC wasn't ready for school.

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 12:44

Yep! Defer him until 2018 and the twins will be due to start in 2019 anyway.

Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 12:46

Oh fantastic. Thank you Flowers

Sorry for a 3 page thread Blush

OP posts:
Alwaysinahurrynow · 07/02/2015 12:47

I have to say coming from England (but now in Scotland) I find the whole deferral thing a bit odd. Although not as odd as people going to university aged 16 - I know there is no way I would have been mature enough to live in halls etc at 16. I am solely considering deferring my October son so that he would be 18 before going to uni but tbh I think he'll be bored so probably won't.

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 12:48

Ya bunch of dafties Wink all that angst for nothing!

Alwaysinahurrynow · 07/02/2015 12:51

Sorry just realised I didn't say why I think it's odd. You can't generally defer in England. Would it not be easier to align the admissions with the school year but then start the year after now if so many people seem to think they start too early?

Original poster
confusedinkirkie · 07/02/2015 12:52

Blush I have been trying to work it out all week! How embarrassing Blush

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 07/02/2015 12:54

Alwaysinahurry - have you be told you'd be allowed to defer an October-born child? I think you'd have a fight on your hands. Plus some universities start in October anyway.

PrimalLass · 07/02/2015 12:55

See we find the system in England odd. Going to school at just 4 seems so little. 4.5 is better IMO.

AgentProvocateur · 07/02/2015 12:57

Defer all three.

Alwaysinahurrynow · 07/02/2015 13:02

I would be paying for the priviledge of deferring so as it is a private school (don't shoot me). They would therefore get an extra year of fees out of me as he's at their nursery.

My OH knew a scottish student at uni and she was not allowed in the union/hall bar etc as she was too young, hence our concern as the poor girl really struggled socially until she turned 18.

PrimalLass · 07/02/2015 13:12

Ah I see. I went to Glasgow and we started early October anyway.

skinoncustard · 07/02/2015 13:23

I deferred both my DC one born the end of Feb the other beginning of March.

Best thing ever. Not just at primary, but starting high school, sitting exams, going on school trips, going to Uni. All these were , I feel , much easier being that little bit older / mature.

Although you will have to accept a 'lifetime' of " Oh you kept them back".
Angry

Also when your child does well, isn't concerned about going to brownie camp, is happy to stay at the birthday party on her own, out will trot the same old story. " of course wee johnny / jenny is the youngest in the class "

I even got this when one of my Dc moved to London at 22!!!!!!!!

For what's its worth I would def defer without hesitation .

trixymalixy · 07/02/2015 13:27

Pre school year is more structured in all nurseries, but it's learning through play. Even in P1 DS kept saying he had just been playing at school and he hadn't done any learning yet, but they were learning addition and subtraction through playing skittles for example.

I've been through 3 preschool years with my kids (2 with DS and 1 with DD) and they covered the curriculum in different ways in each of those years. There's no need for a child to be bored repeating a preschool year unless you are at a poor nursery with lazy staff repeating exactly the same thing year after year. They should be able to cope with children repeating the preschool year.

MimiAndPops · 07/02/2015 13:27

Skin why did you defer a child born in March? They would have been due to start school at 5 and a half so you mean they started p1 at 6 and a half years old?

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