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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think none of my friends will get divorced?

174 replies

redredholly · 30/01/2015 19:18

I am in my 30s and lots of my friends are at the start of their marriages (or up to ten years in), and they all seem really happy. None of them have got divorced yet. Ok there was one person but there were no kids or property involved and it was literally a silly young mistake.

I simply can't imagine any of these real marriages breaking down. I wonder if divorce was more a thing of the baby boomer generation and not so much in mine?

OP posts:
cardibach · 30/01/2015 19:19

YABU.
I don't think it needs further comment.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 30/01/2015 19:20

Errr,.......

cunexttuesonline · 30/01/2015 19:21

Same here, but I think give it time! You never know what will happen.

Brandysnapper · 30/01/2015 19:21

Of course you can't imagine it, until it happens. It's not always the people who argue most who split up. But no, divorce is not I believe on the decrease.

fedupbutfine · 30/01/2015 19:22
Biscuit
Original poster
redredholly · 30/01/2015 19:23

I simply can't see how it would happen. Most of the women would probably tough it out and stay with their husbands if they cheated (and were remorseful) too.

OP posts:
InternetFOREVER · 30/01/2015 19:23

I know what you mean... I look around our group of friends and can't imagine any of them divorcing.... so then I think it must be us! Grin

UrsulaBuffay · 30/01/2015 19:23

None of them will die either, I mean they haven't yet so...

scousadelic · 30/01/2015 19:23

I hate to tell you this but you are almost certainly wrong

I am in my 50s now and have seen friends and family separate, some after 25+ years. Oddly enough, it has been some of the couples you would least have expected it from

Original poster
redredholly · 30/01/2015 19:24

But those of you who are older and wiser, did you think nobody would at the start like me? I imagine the past was a headier time of reckless marriages to obvious cads [ducks and covers]

OP posts:
bakingaddict · 30/01/2015 19:25

It's nice to think that the people we know wont get divorced but the reality is somewhat different

CallMeExhausted · 30/01/2015 19:25

Give it time... I divorced my XH after 7 years - it is not necessarily a quick thing.

My mother married and divorced 4 times (although she never lasted more than 5 years), my father divorced 3 times, but his 3rd lasted more than 25 years.

My sister and brother have both divorced, I am currently married and DH and I have been together 13 years. I don't see anything changing down the road with us, but I also made sure I had a lot of counselling to try and break the cycle I grew up with. My brother and sister weren't able to see the connection.

CalleighDoodle · 30/01/2015 19:26

I know of a couple of blissfully happy couples one where the husband is sleeping around and the other the husband has a long term mistress. Neither wife has a clue. Both wives are very happy. Both husbands say they love their wives and would never leave. Im quietly waiting to see if the wives are as happy the day they find out.

You never know what goes on behind closed doors. Often the people behind those doors have no clue either.

pieceofpurplesky · 30/01/2015 19:27

I didn't think I would ever divorce until H decided that marriage got in the wY of his social life with the group of friends we had and left me and DS. He is still with the circle of friends who, quite frankly, need to grow up a lot and because I wasn't in to the same drunken games they were H found me dull. Another couple are shagging each other and everyone knows. One of the men is having an affair with an ex but they stay together for the children. I have ten years on you and I bet by then the same will be happening ...

So I suggest OP not to be so smug until you reach 95!

CallMeExhausted · 30/01/2015 19:27

Brandy technically , divorce is on the decrease, but only because formal marriages are also decreasing.

Original poster
redredholly · 30/01/2015 19:28

Oh no I'm not smug, just frightened!

OP posts:
fedupbutfine · 30/01/2015 19:29

I simply can't see how it would happen. Most of the women would probably tough it out and stay with their husbands if they cheated (and were remorseful) too

you may well find that the ow would have something to day about him staying with his wife.

DoJo · 30/01/2015 19:30

I do think it makes a bit of a difference that many people of our generation will have lived together for significant lengths of time before they marry and will not have felt the same pressure to 'make honest women/men' of each other before they are ready.

Not that I think that this offers immunity from divorce, but it may make a difference. However I also read threads on here from women (largely) who are about the same age as me and living in desperate unhappiness and perhaps their friends all feel the same, so who knows.

pieceofpurplesky · 30/01/2015 19:30

Oh and I am certainly not from the baby boomer generation

nottheOP · 30/01/2015 19:31

You never know what goes on behind closed doors... Or you're the divorce statistic in your group.

We're at the early marriage stages and have has this conversation too.

SwedishEdith · 30/01/2015 19:31

When was this headier time when people were more reckless?

People are people so why should it be, you and I should get along so awfully and some of them will shag people they shouldn't. And, of course, when you're young and in love you can't imagine splitting up even if one of you cheats - because you just can't imagine it ever really happening to you.

pieceofpurplesky · 30/01/2015 19:31

You come across as smug as your friends have "real marriages". As opposed to what?

listsandbudgets · 30/01/2015 19:32

YABU - I had a similar thought about my group of friends a couple of years back. Since then 3 of their marriages have broken down and they're all divorcing. Sadly you can't just be sure of these things :(

noblegiraffe · 30/01/2015 19:33

I can't imagine any friends divorcing but then one already has because he badly beat her up and I certainly didn't see that coming. So I'm not the best judge.

cheminotte · 30/01/2015 19:34

How old are you and your friends OP? Have you and/ they got kids yet? Dp was saying we are through the worst as dc nearly 5+ but read on here in 40s is when many marriages break-up. We were trying to work out possible causes eg no time together in evenings as teens staying up later.