to think none of my friends will get divorced?

[redredholly]

I am in my 30s and lots of my friends are at the start of their marriages (or up to ten years in), and they all seem really happy. None of them have got divorced yet. Ok there was one person but there were no kids or property involved and it was literally a silly young mistake.

I simply can't imagine any of these real marriages breaking down. I wonder if divorce was more a thing of the baby boomer generation and not so much in mine?

Well, seeing as I never even wanted to get married, I was surprised to get divorced at the age of 36 last year!

I think statistically most marriages break up when people are in their forties, so still a way to go for your circle of friends.

I'm sure I've read that the divorce rate for this generation is lower than for people born in the 50s & 60s.

But is that maybe because this generation has got married later and have therefore not been married long enough?

3 women from my school year are divorced, at least 4 have split from partners they have dc with

Of married couples I know yeah I've seen a few red flags and could well imagine them getting divorced in a few years. With some they were happy and worked well when it was just the two of them but add a couple of dc and a split of work/childcare/wife work into very gender specific roles I can imagine several women getting out as soon as they are able to financially support themselves. One friend admitted years ago that she was with her DP until the DCs were grown then would make a decision about the rest of her life. They split.

On the flip side I didn't expect dp and I to survive so long. We've had a lot of difficult times but have ridden it out and have now been together a lot longer than other couples who appeared much stronger.

Then there's my parents who split after 27 years. Empty nest divorces aren't uncommon.

Why do you feel it was at the immature stage even though you were getting older when divorced?

Of our group of friends the same age/stage as yours...one is separated and I can't see them getting back together. And one has a dh who cheats and everyone knows.
Both total surprises when we found out.

I know how you feel as I think there is only 1, maybe 2 couples I can imagine divorcing from my wider circle. I'm mid thirties. Thing is I realise people change a lot and I don't expect to stay friends with everyone let alone guess who will live happily ever after.

Life throws up a lot of tragedies, divorce is the lesser of the evils that can befall. Best not to speculate OP.

My parents friends are divorcing in their seventies! She's been having an affair for years and ditched her dh now his health is failing! No one saw it coming

I think a lot of people get divorced in middle age. They're presumably only just having children so aren't going to be at the divorce stage for at least several years and I don't think it's at all uncommon for people to stay together for the children and wait till they're adults or gone to uni. Sadly, I know a few couples that's happened to who you would never expect. Or the man has a mid life crisis and starts shagging a woman 20 years younger, I've seen that happen as well.

Your friends are still in the first flush of love and excitement about raising a family, once the drudgery of years of raising kids, arguing over housework, finances and mismatched sex drives takes its toll I can guarantee affairs will start happening. Wow, what an old cynic I am and I've never even been married or got children.

I know what you mean, OP.

We know 2 couples that split within 2 years of marriage both pre kids, but of the rest of our close group of around 20 couples, I really can't imagine any of us splitting.

We are mostly early - mid 40s and are nearly all heading towards our 20th anniversaries. I may be naive too, but I honestly think we're all very happy.

YABU. Every generation thinks it's better than the last!

My parents married after 2 months of knowing each other and are still going 40 years on.
However NO ONE of my generation including me would put up the relationship as it was when they were in their 40's. But 30 years on and they have changed as people and are happy.

Hope your friends are either ultra compatible or be very happy to compromise.

Some people get divorced after 40 years, you just never know. Odd OP

Who can tell the future? No one really gets married thinking you will split up. But it's not always cheating that ends things many other things get in the way of a successful marriage. I could have stuck mine out (and been miserable), but I went against my own beliefs of marriage lasting forever (raised ina Christian home believed myself for years) when I realised all that was doing was dooming me to a life of depression and misery. Sometimes divorce is the better option even if unexpected.

I don't think it's an odd OP at all!

I am in my 30s and have had the same thought. Statistically I know that some of my friends will get divorced, but I can't imagine it now.

Things change, the first 17 years of my marriage were very happy. Nobody thought it would go wrong, least of all me.

Similar here op but it's my siblings I can't see ever getting divorced. Not saying they're blissfully happy at all times, in fact I'm pretty sure they're not but I just can't imagine it.

I probably am being naive but I can't see any of them having affairs either - I just can't see where they'd have the opportunity or anyone else who'd put up with them!

socks exactly the same as me!

When I had my first 19 years ago, there were 12 of us in my NCT group.
All married ( actually one wasn't, but they got married when their DD was 5)
So 19 years on. All 12 still married to the same partners.

It sounds like you picked the wrong man fairylights and has nothing to do with age imo. Dh and I are both that age and have been married over a decade now.

Actually, the OP may very well be right. Divorce is on the decline.

www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=0

Hahahaha. You'll learn.

XH and I split after 8 years together when I was 26 and he was 35. I finally met someone who gave me the strength to leave him after years of low level violence and EA. I wasnt blameless at all, I had several affairs whilst I looked for my knight in shining armour.
I never imagined getting divorced but also never envisaged having my arm shut in the back door by the man I married either. You have no idea what goes on in peoples private lives, most of our friends were shocked when we split up.

I've been married for 15 years and hope to stay so. But I know how quickly things can change. I've seen it with my friends. I think this idea that 'Oh my friends are all so happy, they won't get divorced' is very, very naive. Believe it or not the vast majority of people who get divorced were blissfully happy at one point and deeply in love. That's the reason why most people get married.

But it does change. People who absolutely adore each other through their 20s and 30s can drift apart and end up with different interests in their 40s and 50s. And I think it would be an extremely unusual marriage that never went through any sticky patches where things weren't great and anybody who hasn't worked that out yet probably isn't particularly worldly.

And I also think that people who think 'Oh of course we and our friends are so happy we will never divorce' are to a certain extent in denial but have some kind of awareness of that because it makes them feel secure to think 'Well of course WE have the good marriages, not like these people with terrible unhappy marriages who divorce'. But most people who divorce did have happy marriages at some point.

The average lenght of a marriage at divorce is 11.3 years and people don't stay that long if it's never been good.

OP, seriously, you will learn. Things can turn on a sixpence. A job loss, a new baby, financial difficulties. It's surprising how things change and the people who were loves young dream can't stand the sight of each other.

My baby boom mother commented that our generation seem to know how to look after each other better. She said they were too busy redefining what marriage meant (gender roles etc), and not concentrating enough on supporting one another.

However I do think that swans mate for life, but humans don't, and trying to fit into that ideal can be terribly destructive when it's not a mutually supportive relationship.

Hazelshade, the divorce rate may partly have fallen in recent years due to economic problems which have forced couples to stay together.

Moancollins - everyone faces difficulties but they can bring you together, not push you apart. We have lost 2 babies, having a few babies, worked our way up from nothing and living in one room, been in large amount of debts that we paid off. It hasnt come between us though, if anything overcoming adversities made us stronger and closer.