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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think none of my friends will get divorced?

174 replies

redredholly · 30/01/2015 19:18

I am in my 30s and lots of my friends are at the start of their marriages (or up to ten years in), and they all seem really happy. None of them have got divorced yet. Ok there was one person but there were no kids or property involved and it was literally a silly young mistake.

I simply can't imagine any of these real marriages breaking down. I wonder if divorce was more a thing of the baby boomer generation and not so much in mine?

OP posts:
Lweji · 31/01/2015 14:04

The key there is that they are at the start of their marriage.

In fact, not many people I know have got divorced, but at least one couple should have and another probably would have if he hadn't died. I'm in my forties and I'm divorced.

lavenderhoney · 31/01/2015 14:04

What do you mean " real " marriage?

Many people seem so well suited and happy together. Behind closed doors it can be very different and also difficult to talk about and leave if their friends keep telling them how lucky they are and how x is so perfect, or how they admire them for having a " real" marriage!

I didn't think I'd get divorced. I am though, and it's surprising how many on the surface happily married people have confessed to me how unhappy they really are.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 14:09

ExH's relatives thought we were happily married. The truth was rather different.

creambun2014 · 31/01/2015 14:14

Moancollins - Again I havent said anything about not going through sticky patches. You seem quite a pessimist.

creambun2014 · 31/01/2015 14:18

I have not said I am better than anyone or froze anyone out either. People in rl very rarely get married where I am. I have no close married friends as nobody really gets married anymore.

Mintyy · 31/01/2015 14:28

I'm 52 and most of my facebook friends are in their 40s and 50s. I've just been through those that are, ignoring anyone in their 30s (it's a boring rainy afternoon here Wink) and 45 of them are still with their other halves from 20 or so years ago, 21 are separated or divorced.

Frikadellen · 31/01/2015 14:29

I don't think you are unreasonable I think you are naive.

We have been married for 19 years and in our circle of friends we have seen severeal divorced. A suicide and a child passing away from leukemia. An affair wherr it was tge wife the husband didn't stay. none was stuff you imagined. its just life. I would be very surprised if you got another ten years down the lane without something like this happening.

bloodygorgeous · 31/01/2015 14:36

I totally agree that anyone can get divorced - anyone!

I used to think it would never, ever, ever happen to me and my dh.

As it happens it hasn't but by God we've had times when I've thought about it.

And we are in what I'd regard as a good relationship and do love each other.

You have no idea what shit life will throw at you or how you will feel in 5, 10, 15 years time.

Chillychangchoo · 22/03/2021 19:49

OP, how are you all getting on? It’s been another 5 years 😉. Maybe you all didn’t envisage a pandemic?

Like people said, you never know what’s around the corner.

VestaTilley · 22/03/2021 19:52

Hollow laugh. Give it a decade OP.

I’m afraid you’re either smug or naive.

I’m 35 and in our wide social circle there’s already been 1 divorce and 1 separation. Amongst people I knew from church and school growing up there were a few divorces in their 20s.

notanothertakeaway · 22/03/2021 19:57

Zombie thread

SuperCaliFragalistic · 22/03/2021 20:01

Hahaha. How ridiculous to assume your friends wont get divorced. People grow apart, affairs happen, domestic abuse happens. You sound very immature to be unable to see that life happens and people change, relationships change.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 22/03/2021 20:02

Fucking zombie thread. Argh.

KoalaLlama · 22/03/2021 20:06

Impossible to say really, but the divorce rate is falling!

PurpleFlower1983 · 22/03/2021 20:10

Of my close friendship group none of my friend have divorced (we’re mid-30s). None or our parents divorced either. In my DH’s close friendship group (early 40s) no one has divorced except him (I’m his second wife) so YANBU as I see it.

FastFood · 22/03/2021 20:14

4 separations recently amongst my friends. People together for 10+ years. All with kids.
Each time it came as a big surprise for the rest of us. You just don't know.

B33Fr33 · 22/03/2021 20:16

I remember when none of my parents generation had been divorced. Then my aunt found out her husband had a 20 year affair. My uncle's wife left when the kids went to uni and a distant relative was imprisoned for attempting to murder his estranged wife, all in one heady 12 month period. Maybe you'll be like that, have faith Grin. Or there's me, only one in my generation in my family to get divorced for 7 years (But I'm 10 years older than the one after me 😁).

bogoffmda · 22/03/2021 20:23

No one ever does until it hits you in the face and gives you a reality check.

Before I got with my current DP I was on a few dating websites - some good and some sleaze beyond belief. I stopped counting the number of men and women who were on some of them who I knew from the school gate. Happy happy couples who treated me like shit for being a single parent!

Doomsdayiscoming · 22/03/2021 20:26

People can’t afford to get divorced.

They only just managed to cling onto the bottom rung of the property ladder. No way they’ll both be able to buy a singletons.

Boomers had equity.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 22/03/2021 20:39

My parents divorced totally unexpectedly to everyone when my dad was discovered to have had a mistress for 5 years. My mum would not, quite rightly, forgive this so they split. They had been married for 32 years. It was and still is awful.You never know what goes on behind crossed doors.

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 22/03/2021 20:42

I think you are being ridiculous to a) think the past was "a headier time of reckless marriages" Hmm and b) think you know what other people's relationships are really like behind closed doors.

goodbyegreenbelt · 22/03/2021 20:43

Thread is 6 years old. I wonder if OP still has the same view?

Jonnywishbone · 22/03/2021 20:43

I have two lodgers living with me. Neither know the trials and tribulations I have with my ex partner who also lives with me.

My ex is aware I will be moving out in the next month or so but neither of the lodgers have a clue.

As others have said only the two people in a relationship know the situation.

Still1nLove · 22/03/2021 20:46

🧟🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️

chipsandgin · 22/03/2021 20:47

It’s a sweet thought that somehow your friends are different, but almost certainly naive and sadly you’ll be proved wrong - often by the most unexpected people too.

Re the cheating comment - I’d say from my experience younger generations are less, not more, tolerant of cheats & liars? It’s a massive shame if that’s not the case, especially if it’s the “women would probably tough it out and stay with their husbands if they cheated”, fuck me that’s one depressing sentence right there!

Firstly for the sake of equality presumably that will be the case if the wives cheat!? But actually lets just hope that anyone, whose spouse fucks other other people behind their backs, has little more dignity & self respect when the time comes than to stick around like a pathetic doormat & stay married!