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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit fed up.. negitive home birth comments

143 replies

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 21:38

im going to have a home birth. and i have not had one positive comment. its all been things like. something might go wrong. oh thats dangerous. what do you want to do that for. aww what about the mess.

OP posts:

reallyneedmoresleep · 06/01/2015 21:41

I had a home birth with DS3 and it was wonderful. I wish I'd done it with the first two. It was brilliant cuddling up in my own bed afterwards rather than a horrible busy hospital ward.
There was a mess though!

idiuntno57 · 06/01/2015 21:43

I've had two and they are up there as the two best days of my life.

IMO Home birth has loads to recommend it particularly if you have other dc as it is much less disruptive.

MollyMaDurga · 06/01/2015 21:43

Get a dutch friend! Everybody has a home birth in the Netherlands. Well, not really, but it is completely normal to do so anyway. I think it's great. Giving birth if all is well is not such a medical procedure that it requires a hospital. You are not ill, you are giving birth. If you have a good midwife you are as safe or safer.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 06/01/2015 21:44

There is about to be a mess, but I think the MW clean it up.

How far away is the local hospital.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 21:44

i had home birth with my daughter. by accident it was awesome. i guess no one knew before so probably why i did not get the negative comments.

OP posts:

Velvetbee · 06/01/2015 21:45

I've had 2 too, DC1 and 3. It was fab, like having a private midwife and you get to snuggle in your own bed afterwards.

MrsMinton · 06/01/2015 21:47

My home birth was the best experience. My midwives and DH cleaned it all up and took away clinical waste. It was peaceful and easy and I'd recommend.

LetMeDriveTheBus · 06/01/2015 21:48

I had the same sort of comments. If I had my time again, I'd probably just not tell anyone that's what we'd planned!

42bunnytails · 06/01/2015 21:50

DD2 was born at home, absolutely agree with it being right up there with the best days of my life.

Own bath, own bed. No stuffy postnatal ward, no hospital food and DD1 met her sister aged 3 minutes old!

Mess, what mess? The MW bought enough inco pads to sink a battle ship.

There was, quite literally, one slight blood stain on one old towel used to wrap DS2 in.

HappyAgainOneDay · 06/01/2015 21:50

I had both mine at home because I had running water so didn't qualify for hospital...... Having seen friends packed into after-delivery wards, I'm glad that I had them in private at home. Yes, the midwife each time cleaned up the mess with my husband emptying buckets, rolling up bloody paper etc.

I'll never forget his face when he was asked for newspaper and had the placenta laid in it for him to wrap up and put on the fire downstairs! He paper cut his thumb a couple of years before and fainted.

42bunnytails · 06/01/2015 21:51

DD2 (oops)

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 21:54

i never had time for the pads as it was all unplanned. but even then it was not that bad. i did not have to clean it up and even then it was not as bad as cleaning up sick haha.

paramedics cut cord long haha looked mad. when midwife came i asked her to cut it shorter so she did.

OP posts:

bunchoffives · 06/01/2015 21:55

Take no notice OP, homebirths are lovely and at least as safe - less infection risk, mw for the whole labour, less stressful, no move afterwards... and no mess that the mother has to deal with

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 06/01/2015 21:57

It's a shame you're getting negative comments. It's a personal decision that I'm sure you've thought about, including accessing the prod and cons. Just practise a quick easy retort and then ignore them, carry on as you were, it's not them giving birth. Something like "I've weighed up the props and cons and have made an informed choice to plan for a home birth. I'll interpret your comment as concern, thank you for wanting to look out for us, planning for a home birth is one of the ways I can influence how the birth goes and I'm excited to be having my baby in an environment that is safe and comfortable for us both." Then change topic, or go on to talk about how lovely and knowledge your midwife is, no rush of picking up a hospital infection, having a bath in your own bathroom, no undignified flashing of your bun cheeks from a scratchy hospital gown, the intimacy and privacy during and after your birth, comfort for your birthing partner(s), etc. So, although its annoying, if you can accept their comments as concern for you, you can turn the negative into a positive in that they care for you and want a good outcome for you but perhaps aren't as informed as you are and are expressing their care in a clumsy way.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 06/01/2015 21:58

My 7 week old was born at home in a pool. No mess at all, no stress, no childcare worries for ds who slept through it and my own food, bath and bed at the end of it all. Wouldn't have had it any other way.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 21:58

thats why i want home birth again. in my own surroundings no replying on in anyway. no dying of boardem for 6 hours after the birth. no grumpy midwife... all mine have been grumpy when i was in hospital.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 06/01/2015 21:59

My DD has just had her first baby at home, in a pool hired from her local Maternity hospital.

There was no mess, I helped her DP empty the pool etc but the MWs would of been happy to do it.

They take away all of the bodily/Birth by products, they have to, by law.

It was a lovely birth experience.

You've been unlucky, my DD had positive feedback from all the HCPs and had people ask questions but no outright negative comments.

More just "you're brave", type comments.

mushypeasontoast · 06/01/2015 21:59

Ds1- midwife led unit, I barely got there in time and it was stressful.

Ds2- accidental homebirth. He was prem and I delivered him myself as very quick birth. Dh was calling the ambulance when he was born.

Dd- planned homebirth, midwife arrived in time(she knew me and drove fast), it was calm and peaceful. Own bath, own bed, takeout for dinner and dh didnt have to leave me(ds2 was taken to hospital so on my own). I think my recovery was quicker as well.

If I ever have anymore I will definitely opt for planned home birth.

SantasFavouriteHo · 06/01/2015 22:00

I too had a hb for ds2, great experience and as other posters have said, so nice to be in your own bed/have access to your own food/privacy of your own bedroom etc
There was no mess either the midwives know what they're doing and brought sheets/pads with them and took them away
The worst bit (and it was funny rather than painful or anything) was waddling down the hall to have a shower trying not to get blood on the cream carpet!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 06/01/2015 22:00

Accessing the prod? I meant assessing the pros...

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 06/01/2015 22:04

Well...you have already had one....I am not sure why anyone commenting.

Its just naive first timers who want one I would be worried about.

You have had a baby, you understand the pain involved, you know yourself....and how you were under stress....and you had all this - at home!

You sound like a great HB candidate to me, if all well with baby!

ChocLover2015 · 06/01/2015 22:07

maybe they think it is an unnecessary waste of scarce resource?

Gawjushun · 06/01/2015 22:07

"It's so kind of you to take an interest!" Then silence.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 22:08

i would like to have a water birth. dont think i will have time though as dd was born so fast.

OP posts:

VivienneRuns · 06/01/2015 22:15

Post natal wards are sleepless hells so if you had an easy birth first time a home birth is possibly preferable and certainly appealing.

I think a lot of people think you're crazy because of the 'what if' possibility, what if something goes wrong? In an emergency it may be too late by the time you get to hospital.

The most dangerous day of your child's life is their birth, a woman with a history of easy births is probably taking little risk at home but for most it's a big risk because things routinely go wrong. In those circumstances it's best to be around people who are trained to recognise and deal with that. The worst can happen to anyone and there's no guarantee that it will be as straightforward second/third/fourth time around.

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