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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit fed up.. negitive home birth comments

143 replies

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 21:38

im going to have a home birth. and i have not had one positive comment. its all been things like. something might go wrong. oh thats dangerous. what do you want to do that for. aww what about the mess.

OP posts:

VictorineMeurent · 07/01/2015 16:13

I had my first baby in a private hospital committed to natural childbirth, my consultant advised me if I'd been in an NHS or standard posh private hospital I'd almost certainly have endured un necessary interventions due to the length of my labour. As it was she strongly recommended a home birth for DS2, who duly arrive trouble free after a short and comfortable labour. DH cooked me an enormous breakfast, slept most of the day and then I made a point of getting up to cook dinner, wonderful experience, wish I'd had a third.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 07/01/2015 16:17

southeast london slithy

OP posts:

slithytove · 07/01/2015 16:20

Shame, North west and Essex have a wonderful service called one2one midwives which would solve your problem I think.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 07/01/2015 16:25

oh i see :) never mind. will get sorted one way or another i dont think there will be much choice really could be wrong but doubt it

OP posts:

Girlwhowearsglasses · 07/01/2015 16:37

I would say that if it was so quick first time you should just say that you'd be mad not to "plan to have a safe home birth in case it's really fast and you can't get in to hospital anyway". If you feel like going in you can do anyway.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 07/01/2015 16:43

OP if you need more research or specific info I recommend the groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/ukmidwifery/info uk midwifery group. Incredibly experienced midwives commuted to safe birth at home or hospital. There's a yahoo home birth group too. They will all echo the safety of home birth (esp if you have quick labours) and advise you on dealing with doctors, midwives or worried relatives

Chattymummyhere · 07/01/2015 17:17

I had my first in a hospit it was horrible start to finish.

I rang the hospital they said stay at home I ignored them and went in, I was 9cm they couldn't find a bed to start with so then put me in the midwife led, then kept leaving me completely alone. After the birth while I was showering they did all the heal prick while I was away from my baby, did not believe me when I said he couldn't feed.

Second birth I had a hb pool not quite ready sadly, two midwifes all to myself while my son slept upstairs, went from 5cm to baby born in minutes. Nothing done to baby without me being there, my own shower and bed.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 07/01/2015 17:21

just wondering people are saying they had 2 midwifes. maybe i only had one because i had already given birth time she got to me?

OP posts:

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 07/01/2015 17:26

I had one midwife and a student (who was very grateful to witness a home water birth).

AmericasTorturedBrow · 07/01/2015 17:26

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry to the women who've posted whose babies died at birth. Regardless of choices and statistics it must be the worst thing to go through, Thankyou for adding your voices .

I ended up doing more research with DD despite having had a brilliant HB with DS and that horizon program came out about the dangerous shortage of midwives in hospital - I actually went the other way and got incredibly worried about the dangers present in hospital that it was blessed relief my second HB was successful.

At the end of the day giving birth is dangerous, you have to weigh up the various risks and work out where you feel safest, because there is no clear cut answer - some babies lived at home when they might have died at hospital and vice versa, some died at hospital when they might have lived at home and vice versa, nothing is given or guaranteed. Do your research, know yourself, your hospital, your midwives and make your choice with an open mind and a trust in the people caring for you.

Bogeyface · 07/01/2015 17:33

I found one of the most useful things to remember when I wasnt sure about HB was "If you're at home you can go to hospital, once you are in hospital you cant go home".

SoMuchForSubtlety · 07/01/2015 20:46

OP, I had one midwife for most of my home labour and then two towards the end for the pushing bit. It took 10 hours though, so lots of time for them to get to me!

^I feel that calling women selfish for making an informed birth decision is
misogynistic.^
This. 100% this. People need to stop telling women how to birth and let them make their own choices. Everyone knows there's no perfect formula for labour, no average birth, no standard way of bringing a baby into the world. Study after study has shown that allowing women to labour the way they want to makes for better births. And yet women are still judged for their choices and their decisions are continually questioned. It wouldn't happen if men had the babies, I guarantee. Because everyone is used to listening to them

Lucylouby · 07/01/2015 22:36

For my first hb, I only had one mw. I had a short labour, the first mw lived 45 mins away and only just got to me in time. By the time she got to me, I was about to start pushing and the second mw lived over 30 mins away so she didn't even set off. (Policy was that the first went, then called for the second as she was needed).
With second hb, they had been warned I was quick when having babies so sent two mw to start with. The second one on call lived closer so she got to me quite quickly (she was also my cm, so knew my history!)
Dd is now 4, so things might have changed, but when she was born, labouring women were meant to have one mw and then the second mw called for in enough time to get there for the actual birth, I guess so there is one for the mother and one for the baby.

MrsMook · 07/01/2015 23:12

I had a horrid long winded hospital birth that ended up in an EMCS for Ds1. The hospital was manic which affected care. Much of the time I was alone, I had my waters broken with poor consultation, round 1 of pethidine which I didn't really want as my body struggled to adjust to the pain. Round 2, I only know about from reading my notes as I was locked off onto planet pain. I was desperate to change position and not assisted to heave my SPD ridden body off my back, while trying to evict a back to back baby. I don't know if a better managed labour would have avoided the Cs, but it would have been less traumatising.

I'd have loved a HB for Ds2 but was guilted out of it with the risks of scar rupture. I didn't have the emotional energy to battle for a HB and had enough baggage to face. Ds2 was born in hospital after a much better and more positive labour, but ended up being born in theatre by forceps after a monitoring scare, threat of Cs, and I ended up with a 3rd degree tear that combined with my SPD still had me hobbling around struggling to walk over 3 months later.

If I have a Ds3, I'd like a HB to avoid unnecessary and damaging intervention. Also Ds2 came much quicker and the journey in shortly before pushing started was horribly uncomfortable. I should be considered a lower risk having successfully passed a "trial of labour ", so have stronger arguments for a safe HB.

I'd love to see more support of home births and a more objective risk assessment of it for different circumstances.

Bogeyface · 08/01/2015 01:54

One of the problems with choosing HB is "but my baby would have died at home". Its often true, but home birth midwives are far more intuitive ime than hospital mw's who have no choice but to rely on monitors because they have to care for so many women at once. A HB mw has one woman to look after and can witness minute changes as they happen and make the judgement call when to transfer and they will always err on the side of caution. They dont want a damaged mother or child anymore than we do.

Midwife means "with woman" not "with women". The NHS is treating expectant mothers and its midwives terribly, putting both under unacceptable stress and worry. Imagine being the midwife who has to deliver a dead baby knowing that if you could have spent more time with the mother then you might have spotted the signs sooner and saved a life, its heartbreaking.

Whats got to happen before they pay for the levels of care that labouring women need and midwives want to be able to deliver? I dread to think..... :(

Seff · 08/01/2015 07:48

I can't see the MW issue being solved any time soon, the NHS seems to have too many problems to deal with.

However, with less than 6 months till an election, none of the politicians really give a shit unless they think they can say something that will win them votes.

slithytove · 08/01/2015 08:31

If they can roll out one to one midwife services across the whole country, there will be a vast improvement in maternity services. But it needs to be requested, to show a need for it.

Please google and ask for it to come to your area. It's just amazing.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 08/01/2015 12:46

I was under one-to-one midwives for Dd and as I said earlier my home birth experience couldn't have been better. My midwife was also pro-co sleeping and checked for tongue tie when she did the other new born checks before Dd was even a couple of hours old. You then get up to six weeks postnatal care from the same midwife which was very useful for breastfeeding support.

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