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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit fed up.. negitive home birth comments

143 replies

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 21:38

im going to have a home birth. and i have not had one positive comment. its all been things like. something might go wrong. oh thats dangerous. what do you want to do that for. aww what about the mess.

OP posts:

Feathernest · 06/01/2015 23:00

Friend from my NCT group had her first baby at home and the midwives were very supportive of the idea. She is very positive about the experience. As she was under the home birth team, all her apointments had been with the midwives who then delivered her baby. Afterwards they all sat on the sofa and had tea and toast.

AliceInHinterland · 06/01/2015 23:02

I am very jealous! High risk pregnancy ruled it out for me, but i did want one originally and people reacted in the same way. Very odd, how lovely just to snuggle up in your own bed afterwards! Slightest sign of real trouble and they will whizz you into hospital, probably get you into theatre as quickly as if you were already on the ward! As others say all the stats are in your favour. Women need to labour where they feel safest - for you and I that would be in our home environment. Best of luck with it.

MumsyFoxy · 06/01/2015 23:05

YABU; if you get negative comments it's because the stakes are high, people want to make sure you're doing the right choice.
Chances are- all will go smoothly, but in a hospital environment you have that safety net a home delivery cannot give you.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 06/01/2015 23:08

I had a planned home birth for my first and it was the worst decision I have ever made. Sorry, but I would be safely in hospital as I was for my second.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 23:10

seems some people have had first babys at home and been fine. i did not have my first at home. was to scared and had every pain relief you can think of. omg i was screaming like a bitch. but then i guess births are different for everyone.

OP posts:

ChocLover2015 · 06/01/2015 23:11

'Price is a fact, cost is an opinion' is a well known accountancy saying and it is particularly true of the NHS which has large fixed costs.How you allocate those costs to various procedures is arbitrary.
How would you decide how much of these hospital fixed costs should be allocated to a home birth.A patient might not need to be admitted, but she is still using the facilities insomuch as they need to be there 'just in case'. Also the case mix is very different.Anyone with the slightest whiff of a problem is transferred to hospital.

Splinters · 06/01/2015 23:13

people want to make sure you're doing the right choice but they're ill-informed so clearly not qualified to comment. Research shows that the safest place for a low-risk second baby is at home or in a midwife-led unit.

sanfairyanne · 06/01/2015 23:14

ah well ChocLover, you go argue with the nhs over that

Kittymum03 · 06/01/2015 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Weathergames · 06/01/2015 23:16

You can argue that the cost of one women having 10 babies in hospital to another having 2 at home is comparable too.

It's about CHOICE.

sanfairyanne · 06/01/2015 23:20

haha

see - it winds people up already!

go on, do it, op, it will make you giggle
remember to be v sanctimonious to be believable

Catsize · 06/01/2015 23:21

Think we are the only mammal to go somewhere unfamiliar, chaotic and a bit scary to give birth.

First birth was meant to be at home. Was induction from hell in hospital for medical reasons.

Second birth was at home. One push. Jam sponge and custard half an hour later. So empowering. Just amazing.

And as someone else said, the 'oh my God, you are so irresponsible' comments change afterwards to 'that's amazing' etc.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/01/2015 23:29

Ds2 and ds3 were born at home, and both times were really good experiences. Labour was much easier (I have very long labours) because I was in my own home - I was more relaxed, and had things to do, to keep my mind off labour - and I was far more comfortable too.

My midwives were lovely, and I trusted them implicitly.

wheresthelight · 06/01/2015 23:31

Not read the thread sorry but my friend had a home birth and loved it. she is currently pregnant with number 3 and due next month and as far as I know is having another.

things can go wrong in hospital, it isn't any safer in that respect it just means they can get treatment faster should the worst happen.

if it is what you want then go for it and hope you enjoy it!

hotfuzzra · 06/01/2015 23:43

I had DC1 at home just four weeks ago!
In the run up to it I told anyone who asked that we were 'considering' a home birth but that I was 'totally open' to going into hospital if we had to etc.
This seemed to satisfy the people who thought I was crazy as I didn't sound as though I would definitely stay at home if something went wrong. My birth was so quick I didn't have time to fill the pool up and we only had one midwife but she was fucking amazing and I'd do it all again. Good luck OP

ReallyTired · 06/01/2015 23:44

Homebirth is a very emotionally charged subject. People tend ignore research that disagrees with their opinon. (Whether than opinon is wanted or not!)
With any area of parents you will get negative comments when you do something different to your friends.

An NHS homebirth does have a safety net. It is called a qualified midwife. In a home enviroment you have a midwife all to yourself and two midwives during the second stage. Unlike a hospital you are guarenteed the sole attention of an experienced midwife at all times.

In a hospital situation you are dependent on your midwife picking up any problems. Unfortunately midwives usually have more than one woman to look after and have not mastered the art of being in more than one place at once. There is little point in having an obstricitian or an operating theatre on site if no one notices that you need help.

Interventions like continous monitoring, or refusing to allow the mother to eat increase the chances of problems. When I gave birth to ds, I was put on a drip and not allowed to eat or drink because of the tiny chance that I might need a c-section under general. My first birth was ridicolously over medicalised. (ds is now 13 years old)

The biggest danger of a home birth is a prolapsed cord. However a prolapsed cord is a nightmare wherever it happens. I know someone whose child has severe brain damage inspite of having a crash section in hospital for a prolapsed cord. I believe that the lack of one to one care in hospital is the reason why the safety record of homebirths is similar to hospital births for second time mums.

Bogeyface · 07/01/2015 01:00

In the 70's it was government/NHS policy to get all births in hospital after the Peel report. It was given to be dangerous and selfish. I have a copy of a 1981 edition of the Marks and Spencer (well, St Michael) book of pregnancy and motherhood and it says that any woman who has a homebirth is selfish and putting her own comfort above the life of her baby. Homebirth gets one paragraph, saying that basically your baby will die and you will be lucky if you dont.

That was, to the women of the 70's and 80's, medical fact. We are still struggling against that, as this thread has shown. There are still many people who believe that hospital = safe, when it really doesnt. The worst thing that happened to women in the last 300 years was when men invaded the delivery room and tried to keep any female apart from the mother, out of it.

Suggested reading.... Eve by Petrina Brown and Homebirth by Nicky Wesson.

I say all this as a veteran of 5 hospital births and one at home.

wobblyweebles · 07/01/2015 01:26

I remember telling people I was planning to give birth to my third baby at home.

Everyone told me I'd haemorrhage and die.

I pointed out that I haemorrhaged after the birth of my second baby at home, but apparently I was still alive and well enough to argue about it.

Ended up having an accidental hospital birth :-)

AmericasTorturedBrow · 07/01/2015 01:54

More than likely the negativity is a result of ignorance - most people who have or consider having a home birth are more informed than those who opt for hospital as they've had to assess all possibilities and outcomes as opposed to having blind faith in hospital. My personal belief is every woman should have the choice to at least attempt to give birth where she feels safest and most in control, for some that's surrounded by men in white coats, for others it's at home - they are being rude and disrespectful and ignorant. As if you haven't looked into it before making a decision!

Good luck, go into it with an open mind. I had both of mine at home, it was brilliant, but I knew if I didn't mentally prepare myself for possibility of transfer I'd have totally freaked out, such was my fear of being in hospital after doing all my research!

SorchaN · 07/01/2015 03:10

I think it's great that you're having a home birth. Don't listen to the predictions of doom - just focus on making plans to enjoy the birth!

Catsize · 07/01/2015 07:36

Oh, and the other lovely thing is that I can snuggle with my daughter on the bed and tell her this is the spot where she was born but only because the pool had just an inch of water in it thanks to nobody believing me that things were happening!

kungfupannda · 07/01/2015 07:45

I had DS2 at home with the full support of the MWs, as DS1 was very fast.

Our area fluctuates between 1st and 2nd in the country for number of home births, so no-one bats an eyelid.

I was once told by an antenatal teacher that the small number of things that go catastrophically wrong quickly tend to do so very, very fast, so you could be standing right in front of the most senior consultant in the country and they wouldn't be able to do anything, whereas the majority of things that go wrong give some warning that intervention will be needed. She also said that it takes time to prep a theatre, whether yore in hospital or at home, and that is done while someone is being blue-lighted in, so unless you're a long way from your nearest hospital, you won't lose time coming from home.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/01/2015 07:53

Do people here think that if you end up needing an ambulance to get you to hospital, that you should cover the cost of that ambulance?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 07/01/2015 08:06

no i dont think people should pay for an ambulance. as the reason its been sent is because of a medical emergency.

OP posts:

Annietheacrobat · 07/01/2015 08:07

No!

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