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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit fed up.. negitive home birth comments

143 replies

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 21:38

im going to have a home birth. and i have not had one positive comment. its all been things like. something might go wrong. oh thats dangerous. what do you want to do that for. aww what about the mess.

OP posts:
rednsparkley · 06/01/2015 22:16

I had three of my four at home and each one was a fantastic experience. I had my first in hospital and it was such a miserable awful experience I swore never to set foot in my local maternity ward ever again - and i never have.

I was lucky to have straightforward and very speedy deliveries so was an ideal candidate for home delivery. Seeing as you have already had a HB (even by accident) and it was awesome then I don't see why others are so negative - or what business it is of theirs tbh.

If you are happy to have another HB and the midwives are also happy then who gives a monkeys what anyone else has to say about it really. I like gawjushun's response.

Mangobubbles · 06/01/2015 22:18

Try to ignore the negative comments. I guess home births are not for everyone and I had exactly the same reaction when I said I was planning a home birth for DS2. The midwives had advised it as DS1 arrived so quickly. It was the best choice, I had a one hour labour and ended up with four lovely midwives (shift change overlap, a trainee, they all stayed to see if he was a boy or a girl) Everything was cleared up and they even put the washing machine on for me! If I had changed my mind and wanted to go to hospital (if there had been time) I could have gone at any time. I am planning another home birth for DC3 in June. I hope you have a wonderful home birth. Smile

Bogeyface · 06/01/2015 22:19

Everyone I told about my homebirth was negative bar one, and she wanted one but said she wasnt brave enough. I said I wasnt brave enough to go to hospital again!

Afterwards my mum raved about it, how good I looked afterwards, how calm everything was, how the midwives were looking after me so well (she was there within minutes of me popping DD out!) and how they cleared everything up and left. She had been going on and on about how she was sure I would be better doing as I was told and going to hospital and had been my birth partner when DC1 was born. She is of the generation where doctor knows best, and is now finally coming to realise that that may not be the case.

I found "Thanks for your concern but I am happy with my decision" worked well, and with the ones that wont let it drop just repeat "I am happy with my decision".

Oakmaiden · 06/01/2015 22:23

VivienneRuns - actually, current thinking is that for a woman with an uncomplicated pregnancy, homebirth is actually the safest option.

middleagedbread · 06/01/2015 22:25

I'm another fan of home births OP. The fact that you've have one before, even if unplanned, means that you have an idea of what to expect.

My DB and wife sat with my other baby (11 months) when I went into labour and the midwife lined our bed with collected newspaper and an old sheet. After the birth all this was placed in a bin bag and removed by the midwife. No mess. No fuss. Just peace and calmness. I would almost say it was boring Grin. Later, after a bath, I cuddled up with new baby boy, DH and DD and we watched You've Been Framed.

I had agreed with my GP to have baby at local hospital if later examinations showed up potential problems, but I was lucky that home births were seen as a positive choice and I had no problems asking for one.

Bogeyface · 06/01/2015 22:26

Oak is right.

With a low risk pregnancy you and the baby are more likely to have a bad outcome in hospital than at home.

Lucylouby · 06/01/2015 22:27

I had a pool and laboured to quickly to use it both times I had a home birth.

I had my first home birth quite soon after a tv programme had been on about unassisted hb. (Which wasn't anything like I was planning). I had loads of comments about how selfish I was being putting me and dc at risk. People just didn't understand, they didn't know how hb worked and that the community mw who had delt with all of them through their pg would also deliver babies if she was asked to. People are generally very Uneducated about the process.

I always try to educate people about hb, for me it was the best way to bring my youngest 2 dc into the world (and I think if I had been more educated when I had dc1, I would have had three hb).
Don't worry about the mess. 1st hb, I had a cream carpet, not a drop of blood anywhere, very quick, easy and clean.
2nd hb, lots of blood and mess all over the sofa. I had out a shower curtain over the sofa to protect it, but fidgeted and changed positions so much it slipped and didn't catch anything. However, it came up clean and we still have the same sofa nearly 5 years later.
I am very envious of your hb plans. It's almost enough to make want another baby! [grins]

Bogeyface · 06/01/2015 22:28

And actually, the ladder of intervention means that each action that is supposed to make you safer can be the very thing that causes problems.

HedgehogsDontBite · 06/01/2015 22:30

I had DS in the street outside my house which totally saved on clearing up.

Weathergames · 06/01/2015 22:34

Had 2 amazing homebirths with DC 2 and 3.

Raved about it so much my best friend had one.

There was mess, the midwife warns you in advance of what you need (shower curtain for bed etc).

If it's safe and you are willing and able go for it.

Also for 9 months of negative remarks when you proudly tell people your baby was born at home you'll get years of "wow you're brave!" Grin

Weathergames · 06/01/2015 22:35

NO MESS!! Doh!

Beautifulbabyboy · 06/01/2015 22:36

I have a medical condition that was caused by a bad labour. My mum was in hospital, the problem was spotted, and my condition is no way as bad as it could have been, and it could have been very bad. Had she of had a home birth, my life would be very very different... And I doubt I would be able to forgive her for making that choice. A home birth is what's best for you, is it what's best for the baby? And the problem is, you won't know until afterwards.

For the sake of completeness, I was my DM's second child. There was no sign in her pregnancy what was about to go wrong. She was healthy, fit etc.

Weathergames · 06/01/2015 22:36

My first one was 16 yrs ago and no one was really doing it then so everyone thought I was mad!

ReallyTired · 06/01/2015 22:36

I had a homebirth and it was lovely. Giving birth is messy, but if the homebirth is planned then you have plenty of time to prepare for the mess. When my daughter was born we used a shower curtain to protect the carpet/ bed. There were plenty of inco pads and we diliberately sacrificed an old duvet. Everything with blood on went to the local incinerator.

Having a homebirth goes against convention. I think that people are defensive about people making different choices to them. There is a world of difference between a planned NHS homebirth and an unassisted birth. Many people do not appreciate how skilled community midwives are or the equipment they carry.

motherofmonster · 06/01/2015 22:38

I had a home birth with ds and had a few negative comments as it was a first baby. But when i say down and discussed it with the midwife it was what she was happiest with as i had panic attacks at the thought of going into the hospital (over 20 miles away)
and think she realised i was more likely to have a bad experience due to the stress of it all.
at home i was calm, relaxed. Mess wasn't a issue at all, a old shower curtain and a couple of old sheets
and the best bit was being able to go onto my own shower, and then to get tucked up in my own bed.
i don't regret it for a moment and would do the same again x

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 22:44

omg hedgehog outside your house :o

OP posts:
Jackiebrambles · 06/01/2015 22:45

I was low risk for my first pregnancy so my midwife encouraged me to do a home birth. I wasn't brave enough though!
Two of my friends had their first babies at home (we live in same area) and they were both very straightforward and quick births. They'll be doing the same for their second babies but I had an emcs so no such luck for me!

Sod whatever anyone says, if you have quick labours it's the best thing!

slithytove · 06/01/2015 22:45

I had a still birth

Then a caesarean

Then finally 3 months ago a planned home birth. People thought I was mad, but I'm so glad I did. I think it might be the best thing I've ever done.

HedgehogsDontBite · 06/01/2015 22:47

Yep. I don't know who was more traumatised, me or the neighbours.

slithytove · 06/01/2015 22:48

And midwives are great at spotting potential issues early on. Earlier than the hospital as with a planned hb they are there when you want/need them. So very very safe, they leave lots of time to get to hospital if needed. Would advocate hiring a doula too.

sanfairyanne · 06/01/2015 22:51

just tell them you dont agree with wasting nhs resources so have chosen the cheapest, most cost effective birth to save the nhs money. you cant stand selfish money wasting.

that'll shut them up Grin

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 22:54

i cant afford a doula :)

was it a really fast birth hedgehog ?

with my daughter it was about 20 mins... im a little bit scared i might be on my own again. but not scared enough to not go ahead. saying that if its fast again might not be much choice anyway

OP posts:
sanfairyanne · 06/01/2015 22:55

hahaha

see - ChocLover is first on the bandwagon even here. everyone thinks they are expensive! just go on and on and on about selfish people choosing expensive hospital births

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 22:58

lol when i wanted home birth with dd they seemed to really discourage it like it was a chore.

not much different this time they keep going on about the birthing centre. dont want the bloody birthing centre

OP posts: