Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit fed up.. negitive home birth comments

143 replies

ghostspirit · 06/01/2015 21:38

im going to have a home birth. and i have not had one positive comment. its all been things like. something might go wrong. oh thats dangerous. what do you want to do that for. aww what about the mess.

OP posts:
Beautifulbabyboy · 07/01/2015 08:19

Is everyone ignoring my earlier post? Being in hospital saved me from having a much more serious disability than the one I could have .....

Or to people not want to think of the long term consequences of birth going wrong. I love my children so much and If I had chosen a home birth to satisfy me, and that went wrong to their long term detriment, I am not sure I could live with myself.

PurpleWithRed · 07/01/2015 08:20

Home birth with a rented birthing pool for dd 22 years ago - it was fantastic. I had negative comments too, but I believe recent statistics show that low risk planned home births are as safe as hospital births and result in fewer interventions - which presumably means there are also some cost savings.

The people in labour who should pay for an ambulance are those who are in routine early labour and have had 9 months to sort themselves out a lift or a taxi - not those in an unexpected emergency.

mushypeasontoast · 07/01/2015 08:24

When they tried-and failed- to close our midwife led unit the chief executive suggested paying for ambulances at the public meeting.
He was im politely told what the public thought of that idea.

PurpleWithRed · 07/01/2015 08:24

Sorry Beautiful, missed your earlier post.

Wouldn't the problem have been spotted by a midwife in a home birth situation in time to whisk you to hospital? One of my main reasons for opting for home birth for DC2 was the appalling care I received in hospital with DC1 - it was truly scary.

Beautifulbabyboy · 07/01/2015 08:27

No, intervenion to save me needed to take place within minutes, every 30 seconds was critical. Had my mother been at home I would be in a wheelchair unlike to speak or move. No likes to think of birth going wrong. But I am living proof that medicalising birth is the best thing ever as it literally gave me a life. When I had my children my goal was healthy babies, I didn't care one jot about the process.

slithytove · 07/01/2015 08:58

My hospital birth went wrong to my baby's detriment. Cascade of intervention and an incompetent consultant resulted in stillbirth.

Should I not be able to live with myself for going in?

It's not as simple as that, not black and white.

Homebirth is safe and the right thing for some.

slithytove · 07/01/2015 09:00

Chances are beautiful a birth like yours would have been transferred to hospital earlier. Home births are ony allowed to go ahead under very stringent conditions and any question marks off to hospital you go.

Have you researched home births?

sanfairyanne · 07/01/2015 09:01

why pay for an ambulance?

do you think women should pay for emergency sections as well?

sadly i do think the lack of 1:1 attention and chronic understaffing is making hospital birth more and more dangerous
i genuinely am surprised anyone chooses hospital/midwife centre at the moment, and feel v sorry for those with no choice

MiddleAgedandConfused · 07/01/2015 09:01

The biggest danger of a home birth is a prolapsed cord.

Yes - that's what happened to me/my baby. At home. Not good news.

SoMuchForSubtlety · 07/01/2015 09:09

I had a home birth NOT for myself (everyone is so very quick to jump on the "selfish mother" bandwagon) but for my daughter.

I read the internet while I was pregnant and it was very clear to me that for my particular case (which is not average, no pregnancy is a perfect example of the statistical averages) it was safer for both DD and I to have a home birth with a midwife I knew and trusted. Lower risk of elevated fetal stress leading to complications, greater opportunity for DD and I to labour according to instinct rather than a clock so allowing her space and time to do what she needed, less likelihood of a stalled birth due to me being more relaxed, better likely outcome overall. I don't like hospitals AT ALL (they're for sick people, routine pregnancy isn't an illness) so I confidently expected that no good would come of me being in one to have my baby.

Yes, you cannot know what will happen during birth, so there was always a risk that something would go wrong and I'd have to go to hospital (which is 5 minutes drive away, maybe 7 in traffic). Which is why I had a midwife monitoring me and I was all set to go the instant something wasn't right. I wasn't desperate for a floaty fluffy candlelit birth "experience". I was intent on doing what was best for DD and I.

sanfairyanne · 07/01/2015 09:13

www.bmj.com/content/344/bmj.e2292#

this is the study about cost effectiveness
it includes costs of emergency and non emergency transfer
home birth is cheapest
also safest, alongside mw units, except for first time mums

Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/01/2015 09:15

sorry things were difficult for you when you were born babyboy i hope you and your mum are ok now? just wondering how long ago it was. as maybe things have changed now, ie more training?

also things can go wrong in hospital as well. i would not recommend all pregnant woman stay away from hospitals

OP posts:
Norfolkandchance1234 · 07/01/2015 09:15

There used to be a programme on TV called desperate midwives. After watching it during my first pregnancy I decided not to have a home birth after seeing all the things that can go wrong so quickly and how naive it is not to be near all the medical help you might need in an emergency where seconds are vital.

sanfairyanne · 07/01/2015 09:16

anecdote: my friends baby was stillborn. she gave birth in hospital. 2 day labour. continuous monitoring
except noone was looking at the machine
Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad
no point being in hospital if it is so understaffed noone pays you any attention

Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/01/2015 09:25

i think with home birth you have the one to one and any problems can be spotted earlyer than if in hospital.

i found when i was in hospital I was left on my own quite alot. when i had my son in hospital i arrived in alot of pain at that stage where screaming and acting bit of a prat. well i was anyway. the midwife told me to sit in the waiting room. yet i was rolling in pain. told me to sit down but i could practically feel babys head... i ended up on the floor of the waiting room screaming no one came. until a teenager with his hoodie up and looking all cool/teenage like... asked if i needed help. and thats when i was put on bed and pushed him out within a few mins.

OP posts:
Izzy24 · 07/01/2015 09:26

Kungfupanda - absolutely.

Why on earth should anyone pay for an ambulance due to an emergency in childbirth ? Unless we are going to ask everyone to pay for ambulances in emergency situations ?

Norfolkandchance1234 · 07/01/2015 09:29

I wanted pain relief, an epidural, which you have to be in hospital for. Thank goodness I was as everything that could go wrong did with my DS. My room was full of doctors sticking things in his unborn head and running off to get it tested etc it was manic but they got him out via forceps with a team on stand by for an emergency caesarean in theatre. Everyone was amazing I felt so lucky to have them all there at my side working as a team with all the necessary equipment.

Kittymum03 · 07/01/2015 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Norfolkandchance1234 · 07/01/2015 09:35

Ghost spirit - that's awful. I was screaming a lot too and it turned out my DS was pushing on a nerve so the pain wasn't the contractions at all. The first midwife was a trainee on her own and didn't really have a clue, once she swapped shifts everything went manic once they realised things were going wrong. Luckily it was a quiet night on the maternity ward. I know on busy nights it can be a whole different story where you get sent to other hospitals further away. In which case a home birth could in fact be so much nicer.

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 07/01/2015 09:36

I started out at home intending a home birth for my second, but had to transfer to hospital (meconium in the waters). I was home within a few hours. As long as you stay flexible, and don't set your heart on one thing, and ideally live close to a hospital so you can transfer, then I think home births are amazing.

Messygirl · 07/01/2015 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/01/2015 09:39

it just felt to me that the midwifes were rude and had a chip on their shoulder. kind of thought why did you train if you don't like the job. maybe its stress but then that's not my fault... when i had my daughter at home midwife came after the birth so i have not yet experience home birth midwife whilst in actual labour. but when she did get here. it was a much better feeling and no chip on shoulder or anything like that. maybe she was more relaxed to. no going from one room to the next etc

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/01/2015 09:43

congrats madrigals glad all went well for you :) i still got ages to go yet but very excited :)

OP posts:
Messygirl · 07/01/2015 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOnlyWayThrough · 07/01/2015 09:49

People often put their foot it in it and say odd/insensitive things about pregnancy and birth in general, from "you look small/massive" to rambling on about their own horrific birth stories. Initial reactions to homebirths are not exempt from this!

I doubt many people mean to be so inappropriate, but suspect it's more that birth is such an emotionally charged subject that the mum-to-be notices a lot more acutely all comments on the topic. For the person saying it, it was probably just a casual remark and instantly forgotten (not that that makes it ok, but just don't take it to heart).

I had two lovely homebirths and wouldn't change it for the world but it really is some people's worst nightmare. For those people it would be a bad choice as they'd probably be too stressed out. And that is all they can see when you mention that you're thinking of having one - they've had zero reason to research the matter have only their preconceptions to reference.

So do your best to ignore the comments, knowing that you are better educated than them regarding homebirths. Or enjoy correcting them!

As for the mess, the midwives don't leave you swimming in blood and amniotic fluid in hospital, so why would they at home Grin. Mine brought loads of absorbent sheet things, and the whole lot got swept into bin bags and taken with them. I never even saw the mess.

And if you change your mind at ANY time, even mid-labour, then you can go straight to hospital. Planning a home birth doesn't mean you're obliged to stick to it.