Rubbish Christmas presentd for people you hate...

[WantonMother]

Someone else did a thread looking for suggestions for the worst perfume she could buy for her poisonous MIL for Xmas. I'm looking for gift ideas for a lazy, horrible, no good brother in law. Something random and cheap looking if possible with a budget of a fiver (I will stretch to more if it is particularly cringey). And you have any people you want to passive aggressively piss off over the Chirstmas period give us a brief and we'll help each other out... Go!

*presents sigh

Got a glass handbag once. Or take yourself to the nearest 99p or pound shop.

I know, I know!

When buying presents for my cousin people I don't like, I always get three gifts from somewhere that does a 3 for 2 and then mentally assign them the free one just to feel better.

I would get something that is specifically for something he has no interest in. For e.g. If he isn't into golf, never played it etc., get him some cheap and shitty golf present from the pound shop that is not only cheap and nasty, but also useless and not worth trying to return.

My cousins mum used to buy my dad the naffest most hilarious gifts every year, they really made Christmas for us because we spent a substantial amount of the day pissing ourselves laughing at what she'd bought. Obv she wasn't there , we're not that mean. One year she got him a radio pen, that was quite a highlight... .

Go to a charity shop and buy something completely tacky and random like a dog ornament. Is there an animal he hates? Buy him a plate with it on.

really????

is this what the baby jesus would want???

hardly in the spirit of the season is it??

A glass handbag?! Random indeed!

Hmmmn, I might use the free present idea, thanks Saucy

I just want a present that says, "I really don't like you and begrudge spending any money on you so here, have some tacky shit." I'm normally much more vocal when I dislike someone but really don't want to upset DSis too much.

The Absolute Quickest Way to start a Window Cleaning Business: How to start a successful Window Cleaning Business Fast and Easy!

Or something that you need something else for it to work. Like replacement blades for a razor he doesn't have and would have to shell out for for them to be of any benefit. Or a games cartridge for a play station that he doesn't have that you might pick up in a charity shop. Or something that suggests that he has an underlying personal hygiene issue like nose hair clippers or odour eaters. Or a cooking for 1 cookbook. Gosh, I reckon I could be quite good at passive aggression!

Someone else put this on the nasty work secret santa thread. I think it would be perfect for your brother...www.sendacowgifts.org.uk/semen-straw

is this what the baby jesus would want??? Someone gave HIM Frankincense and Myrrh. Talk about passive aggressive. One of those is used for embalming. And, imagine spelling the thank you notes. They didn't have spell check...

Love all of your suggestions! I shall have to investigate what he really doesn't like I know he doesn't like Winnie-the-poo... but probably better to get something that I can pretend I think he likes.
gymboy oh, I reckon baby Jesus could find a special place in his heart to hate this particular piece of work...

I suspect this is indeed NOT what the baby Jesus would want.

However, neither would the baby Jesus want my passive aggressive ignorant and rude SIL.

Unfortunately, whilst my spirit of Xmas extends to the homeless shelter to whom I am delivering a batch of sleeping bags and duvets shortly, it stops just short of 'thoughtful gift for SIL'.

99p store had a horrendously festive tie in there seasonal section! It was poo brown.

oh squoosh that's brilliant!

Didn't see that thread weird He is known for impregnating women and leaving them so that is particularly apt! Also, does help out an African family so I will feel great!

I might have to put together a shit hamper for him full of shitness...

A peter Andre calender, DVD of something that's going to be on the telly on xmas day (wizard of oz, sound of music etc). Crazy frog cd, sudoku toilet paper, glasses case (even better if he doesn't wear glasses, feign ignorance if questioned), naff jumper

What about a plastic guinea pig? MIL bought one for us!!! Only problem is that it's provided us with more joy, hilarity and shared jokes than any other gift ever.I'm sure this wasn't what she had in mind when she got it.

One of those books about some ingredient that allegedly cures all ills & can be used for every household task - like "The Miracle of Cider Vinegar" or "The Wonder of of Baking Soda". You can claim that it's really interesting & practical if he looks put out.

Or what about a packet of cheap clothes hangers - is that too useful? Or, if these still exist, a crochet doll that goes over loo rolls. My mum was once given one of those.

Failing that, nasty toiletries / nasty sweets/ random ornaments would probably do the job.

You can send shit too.....www.sendacowgifts.org.uk/magic-muck

Get him a charity goat or something similar. If he complains, it's easy to call him ungrateful and selfish. Also it's helping out a person in need, so giving him a gift is more bearable.

Though on a more serious note, why even bother to get him a gift at all? It's really not in the Christmas spirit to purposefully give mean gifts. I don't see why you can give the family a hamper gift for your sister and her kids and just get the kids their gifts.

I saw a mug with 'I'm a Twat' written on the base of it that nearly made it into the secret Santa for someone I'm not keen on this week. Unfortunately I didn't want to upset the twat's nice girl friend.

I quite like really naff Christmas decorations as well, but usually more for women.

Firebox and IWOOT have a great selection of gifts for under a tenner some are fabulous, some are designed to piss off. Bin bags that look like Christmas puddings are fun, festive and about the crapest present you could receive.

bulbasaur I see your point but everyone else in the family is sorted for presents. I just hate him with a passion...I know it's not kind but he really really is an arse. And he complains that no-one likes him and refuses to speak when in family gatherings because of this, not buying a present will give him further ammo. So, what I really need is a rubbish present that can be dressed up as a thoughtful one.

Current winner is cider vinegar book from loon

This one probably wouldn't be right for your BIL, OP, but if anyone wanted a gift to wind up somebody pedantic / a geography enthusiast, there's a mug on amazon featuring all the flags of the world. Except, according to reviews, some of them are wrong; & several of the countries are spelt incorrectly too.

I was tempted to get it for my FIL, but I do actually like him, & he's already got high BP. It would really piss him off though, & he'd be much too polite to say & would feel obliged to use it every time we visited.

Buy him a book on how to do something. Something boring like macrame but you can pretend you sincerely thought he would be interested, he expressed an interest in that macrame hanging basket holder in the pub, you remember, blah blah. Then encourage him to open it and read the first project.

THIS IS THE CRUCIAL PART

Make sure you have bought No. 2 or No. 3 in a series, so the first project starts with "using the techniques you have learnt in book 1, create the basic thingie"

I LOVE THIS!!