Rubbish Christmas presentd for people you hate...

[WantonMother]

Someone else did a thread looking for suggestions for the worst perfume she could buy for her poisonous MIL for Xmas. I'm looking for gift ideas for a lazy, horrible, no good brother in law. Something random and cheap looking if possible with a budget of a fiver (I will stretch to more if it is particularly cringey). And you have any people you want to passive aggressively piss off over the Chirstmas period give us a brief and we'll help each other out... Go!

[DXBMermaid]

A toilet seat warmer or even a novelty toilet seat.
Gnome for in the garden.
Ugly plant that just won't die.
Bucket filled with ckeaning products.
Ugly spencer (are there any non ugly spencers??)
Shoe polish
Fly swatter
Dancing raindeer/flower/bear
Bobble head dog for in the car.
The world is your oyster

[GreenPetal94]

A monogrammed hankerchief set does not go down well with anyone under 70.

But also consider passing on a bottle of booze or chocolates that someone gave you but you don't really fancy. Alternatively Asti Spumanti is cheap.

[BirdintheWings]

Oh god, Hesterton. I think you've just found DS's ideal Christmas present.

[Szeli]

i was going to get my wank stain, ea, alcoholic father a bottle of horrible cheap wine and £1 biscuits but i think a goat may wind him up more!

[sunflower49]

'Bout this?

www.findmeagift.co.uk/gifts/the-gift-of-nothing.html?gclid=CKeDz4TztsICFefMtAodXVwAEQ

[WhereDoesPerryKeepHisHat]

My SIL was the queen of crap gift giving and over the years we received such delights as a really thin and nasty plastic Christmas table cloth, a box of crackers and an advent calendar (to unwrap on Christmas day?!), all still unopened many years later.

We decided to get revenge one year by giving her an unpleasant smelling air freshener which looked like bunch of plastic flowers with fake dew drops on them. I think she got the hint as she hasn't sent us anything since then

[MonstrousRatbag]

A self-care kit comprised of:
Corn plasters;
Neti pot for flushing his sinuses;
Inter-dental brushes; and...wait for it...
Ear wax syringe.

It's shit. But it's caring shit.

[GoEasyPudding]

So easy, a book by Jeremy Clarkson.

It will look like an ok present for a bloke, but really its the worst gift in the world.

[emms1981]

I must be well liked then some of the gifts I've had, a fluffy night dress 3 sizes to small, a pop up laundry basket that you get from a £1 shop, an old chopping board that had clearly been laying around in a kitchen for years, some awful costume jewellery that wasn't even gold coloured when I opened it, my dh bought be a bullshit button once and nothing else.

[stayanotherday]

Pink fluffy willy warmer in the smallest size
Viagra
Used items like half used toiletries
Cheap clothes in the wrong size.

[stayanotherday]

I would visit a friend to give them a card and nice chocolates. They had a house full of car boot items and for years would then go into the other room and start to wrap up an ornament. One year as they started looking round for something I said don't bother and never bothered again.

[Tykeisagirl]

Brut or Old Spice after shave set, preferably with talc in it. Surely no one under sixty would want one but it looks like a proper present. Or a men's Bayliss and Harding set, people only ever give Bayliss and Harding when they don't really like/know the person getting the gift, it's a real default I-can't-be-arsed gift.

Or an Oxfam goat type gift, so basically he's getting nothing but he can't complain because it's for charity.

Or a voucher for something he'd really hate doing, so say Go Ape if he's not the outdoors up a tree type.

[CrazyCatLady13]

There's a cactus called a carrion flower. Looks normal until it flowers, then it stinks of rotting meat. My evil BIL got one once (wonder why......)

[WantonMother]

I once gave a goat gift from Oxfam once and I really liked that person too! My mil takes pleasure in giving me slightly embarrassing Ann summers presents. I've had crotchless knickers, blow job kits, bondage stuff etc all opened in front of the family as we take it in turns to open presents while everyone watches. She always gets me a gift she knows I would like as well but she always has to throw in something naughty. I think she likes me...

[Cornettoninja]

Have you got any photos of him looking particularly awful/stupid/embarrassing with either his kids or wife?

Stick it in an awful frame and enjoy the fact he'll have to display it for a polite amount of time .

[stupidgreatgrinonmyface]

Tykeisagirl

Brut or Old Spice after shave set, preferably with talc in it. Surely no one under sixty would want one but it looks like a proper present. Or a men's Bayliss and Harding set, people only ever give Bayliss and Harding when they don't really like/know the person getting the gift, it's a real default I-can't-be-arsed gift.


Oh dear. I've bought B&H gift sets for my nephews who really prefer to have cash. Inside the pack, I will place a £ note which I will origami fold into a shirt, since I expect they will use it to buy clothes. I have really just bought the toiletries so they have something to open when we are all opening prettily wrapped gifts.

As to a gift for someone I don't like, I would have a rummage through DH's collection of badly thought out gifts he's been given over the years and just pass it on. Or one of the numerous bottles of wine we've been given. We do drink it, but not often so a lot of it has probably gone off by now. If you want, I could send you a crate one.

[Marylou2]

One persons great gift is another persons load of rubbish.I gave SIL some Diptyque Room Spray, both gorgous and expensive. She told MIL I'd bought her some air freshener . Knowing your audience is key!!

[Marylou2]

gorgeous* spelling fail

[JennyBlueWren]

Nickle and Dime, TKMaxx or Lidl (especially for the aftershave -Eruption!) DH and his dad purposefully get each other dreadful tat from these places as "presents" -think crystalised owls with stary eyes which are made into cake stands...!!
Although we were surprised to find on a recent visit that the Eruption had been used -apparently it wasn't that bad.

[JennyBlueWren]

MIL did give her MIL the fluffy bed socks that come free with a Primark dressing gown (she kept the dressing gown for herself). I half wonder if she had planned it for me but realised I'd know as mentioned having the same dressing gown. She gives us random gifts of jars of things for the kitchen (e.g. mustard, pickles) -not sure if she bought them on purpose or if she had a clear out.
She does sometimes get us more normal presents.

[Lomega]

my DH's cousin and aunt hate us for some reason. last year he got a wooden bow tie (?!) and an oxfam goat. I liked the oxfam goat as I'm a stickler for charity-giving but wtf at the wooden bow tie. apparently it was a joke present but then no serious gift followed. we'd bought them expensive wine, a clock decorated with 'organic decor' (if that's a thing, she's (his cousin) really into that sort of botanical stuff) and deli chocs.
We fell out with them during the year (thankfully) so aren't bothering this year so we hope they too won't buy shite.

But if you want my suggestion then wooden novelty items like ties or something equally pointless is my idea :p

[Chandon]

I saw some seriously crap presents at Argos today and wondered....

A plate in the shape of a slice of toast, and a half tin of beans.... In a lovely gift wrap. Wtf?

Or a "thai dipping set" , another gift box, containing 2 tiny bottles of cheap soy sauce and a small white cheap looking bowl.

Quick! Before they are sold out.