Rubbish Christmas presentd for people you hate...

[WantonMother]

Someone else did a thread looking for suggestions for the worst perfume she could buy for her poisonous MIL for Xmas. I'm looking for gift ideas for a lazy, horrible, no good brother in law. Something random and cheap looking if possible with a budget of a fiver (I will stretch to more if it is particularly cringey). And you have any people you want to passive aggressively piss off over the Chirstmas period give us a brief and we'll help each other out... Go!

What about this?

how about the most passive-aggressive of all the gifts? A pack of thank you cards

My brother was given a banana guard and a balaclava one christmas. The banana guard in particular was a great source of amusement for the rest of us :)

A firebox classic..

Socks. Nice boring useful black socks. Can't complain, but it shows zero effort in a non aggressive way.

or this. It's a classic!

www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814

A politicians biography! Preferably one from the party he doesn't support.

'But you love reading!'

it looks good too

One year my exhusband bought his stepmonster an egg separator..it was a ceramic face..the white bit flowed out of the nose like snot. The Baby Jesus surely would not be amused!

Saw a baby bel cook book on the book people or my husband got a war on terror board game that came with an balaclava with Evil on it.

Laughing in disbelief at war on terror board game & Evil balaclava. That's a classic.

Something that's reliant on another thing or part of a pair/set. MIL once received a single curtain tie from her ex-SIL.

BHS is brilliant for absolute shit. DM once bought a hideous, stinky potpourri ball thing from there for someone she didn't like at work. Much hilarity ensued on Christmas Day when she opened the exact same gift from said colleague.

Voucher for a really shitty restaurant?

Soap on a rope? Someone gave me one a couple of years ago and I'm still waiting for the right person to emerge so I can pass it on.

How about a bumper pack of condoms so he doesnt reproduce anymore?

I found the most perfect solution to this a few years ago - cowshed candles! They are nice and quite pricy but called things like 'knackered cow' and 'moody cow' and 'lazy cow'. I bought my annoying sil one and was quite pleased with myself.

You could do something DIY that is awful! A really holey uneven scarf in a miserable colour. You could then ask him does he wear it every time you see him. Or really awful homemade baking. Nothing worse than someone else's bad homemade buns and he would have to force himself to eat one in front of you.

A pack of andrex wet toilet wipes

How about a microwaveable dish?

www.houseoffraser.co.uk/Sistema+Medium+microwave+plate+880ml/166901142,default,pd.html&$$ja=cgid:8743622035%7Ctsid:44970%7Ccid:176487355%7Clid:82089103675%7Cnw:g%7Ccrid:45452055955%7Crnd:18193357130634068729%7Cdvc:t%7Cadp:1o3%7Cmt:%7Cbku:1

Boring, plastic and hopefully he hates cooking.

A bottle of Nescafe, a piece hose and instructions on how to perform a DIY enema.

Buy a scratchcard, and just scratch off the bar code bit and get the shop to scan it.

If it hasn't won anything, give him the scratchcard. He'll never fucking know.

What a great idea.

My dads mum is so lazy with presents despite all the effort we put in for her. It's not about money but she always gives the boys vouchers which I would much rather have!

For my last birthday I got an umbrella and a pair of socks!!!

On another she gave me a bag that was a free gift with Avon purchases!

Love hearing all these ideas. I still make an effort but would love to be brave enough to give her something awful but I would feel mean.

Oh, such amazing suggestions! ludoole condoms defo crossed my mind on more than one occasion!
any passive aggressive gifts about parenting? I was thinking about a packet of ProPlus as he never, ever does the night feeds for his twins. I reckon crap, obscure hobby is the way to go forward you know. I'm renowned in my family for being a ditz so I could easily feign ignorance that wankface doesn't like cribbage or somesuch and say that I must-have-gotten-mixed-up-ever-so-sorry [smilesweetly]

squoosh

I once sent a poisenous relative a sturdy rope

A 'Poo Pourri' spray? Yes, honestly, it exists ... spray in the toilet bowl after (or maybe it's before) you poo, and it stops the stink. Apparently.

www.poopourri.com/