Rubbish Christmas presentd for people you hate...

[WantonMother]

Someone else did a thread looking for suggestions for the worst perfume she could buy for her poisonous MIL for Xmas. I'm looking for gift ideas for a lazy, horrible, no good brother in law. Something random and cheap looking if possible with a budget of a fiver (I will stretch to more if it is particularly cringey). And you have any people you want to passive aggressively piss off over the Chirstmas period give us a brief and we'll help each other out... Go!

[Gatheringthoughtstothink]

www.firebox.com/product/6086/UNT-Mug?via=searchbox
If I only had a worthy recipient.

[Gatheringthoughtstothink]

Posh pottery

[TeenageWildlife]

A book suitable for a 12 year old

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

I love that the cunt mug has been posted at least three times now.

OP - what about a cunt mug?

[Gatheringthoughtstothink]

Box of those chocolate liqueur bottles, carefully unwrapped then make a tiny hole in the lids, drank the upturned bottle, replaced the foil in an attempt to hide my murky past. They were my sisters present.

[Gatheringthoughtstothink]

www.thepresentfinder.co.uk/buy.aspx?pn=sandal-socks-are-you-serious-!_429

Love these, they have some converse boot ones.
I can't remember where I saw it but it was like a all in one suit made exclusively, from bubble wrap

[ChocolateNutsAndCreamLiquer]

I would have loved to have bought the book, 'Time management for busy people' for the office skiver where I used to work ! The book title might not exist but something similar might.

[Gawjushun]

Sponsor a pigeon made me laugh out loud. It reminded me of those Dog's Trust ads where they promised, in return for sponsorship, 'your dog will write'. That's a pretty cool trick.

I might get the sock sandals for my dad, since he was indeed guilty of this fashion crime in the mid 90s on holiday.

[CocktailQueen]

Why not buy him a goat from Oxfam? That way your money is not wasted.

[Failedspinster]

I nearly cried laughing at Eilis' suggestion above. Do that!

[DreamingDiva13]

My Bil gets us joint presents for Christmas, he got us a knife set last year-dp went to use one of them on Christmas day to chop the veg and the blade was very bendy so he ended up slicing into his finger instead (not badly luckily)....I think the intention was that I would use the knives lol!

For my birthday he always puts 2 scratch cards in a card that he sends at least two days late....I always have to laugh as he makes a big song and dance that 'scratch cards and vouchers are so impersonal and show that you put no effort into buying for the other person. As far as (he) is concerned he would rather have nothing than something that shows he means nothing!'...I always laugh when I open them and secretly hope I win the jackpot as I know he would be furious if that happened ??

We always get him decent gifts-last year he asked for a drill set (£80+ from argos) I took great delite in tracking one down that did the same but in a different brand so a lot cheaper and signed the card from us all (childish I know but knowing that seeing my writing on the gift tag will piss him off gives me a great feeling of satisfaction!).

He is a strange one though-he always asks for ideas for the children, we tell him some and then he makes a big song and dance of coming back and saying 'was thinking of getting them this' (picture of something kids really have no interest in) dp says diplomatically 'they aren't really into that character' then he strops that I'M controlling-never mind he asks our opinions-never mind it's dp who tells him it's always me in the wrong! I'd love to get him the c* mug or even better nothing but alas dp doesn't quite see him for what he is yet.

[Ormally]

Lush used to do a shower gel called 'Tramp'. Currently I don't think they do, but I think they still have men's products called 'Dirty'. May be a bit above budget as both of those were actually quite nice as smells, and brilliant for presents for saying it with flowers. Or showers.

[Ormally]

I think I'd maybe go for (insert favourite pound shop here) liqueur chocolates.

[dinkystinky]

A "Dad's boasting book" mini album from one of those card shops - so he can show off his many and various children - comes with a delightful naff cartoon on the front too

[HellKitty]

DPs mum lives with a bloke who is passive aggressive - there will be a whole new thread about him at some point. Anyway, he never thanks us for our gifts, she buys and signs his name on ours, he's a bit of a control freak. We'd had enough so last year decided to get him a Primark reindeer onesie (he's very short) and they were reduced to £5! Bargain. He never thanked us...

[Ormally]

I LOVE the idea of supplying his small DCs with drums and loud noisemaking things for his benefit. Now that's what I call passive aggressive! Maybe your generosity could be compounded with something that's a failsafe hangover provoker for Daddy, for the perfect morning from hell?

[PumpkinsMummy]

Nothing says I hate you like giving their child a harmonica. Or even better one of those instruments that has a "learn to play" interactive setting, which basically plays really annoying tunes constantly, really loudly, but seem to enchant small people so you MUST NEVER TURN THEM OFF!

Either that or the curry wipes on Gatherings link.

[cinders456]

Moist toilet wipes

[Gawjushun]

If their child is old enough for a recorder then this is a must. Nothing like endless, screeching renditions of Three Blind Mice accompanied by a shower of spittle.

[EiePie]

About 15 years ago my ex SIL (who was openly hostile at times) gave me 6 sherry glasses for Christmas. They were clearly from those tokens you used to be able to collect from petrol stations and appalling quality - even came in a brown cardboard box! I didn't - and still don't - drink sherry!

[CocobearSqueeze]

How about not getting anything at all ?

[Namechangeyetagaintohide]

Something that promises to reverse make baldness.

[Namechangeyetagaintohide]

Male*

[Lioninthesun]

How about this with a condom in it?
because he thinks he is the son of God and he was mentioned upthread

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

How about 50 shades of grey trilogy.