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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get annoyed when asked my marital status when leaving a message?

439 replies

peanutbutterandbanana · 30/07/2014 11:40

GGGRRRR - I used to get this in the last century... you make a call and the person answering needs you to leave a message, so you give your details and they say 'Miss or Mrs?'. My marital status is unnecessary and a man would certainly not be asked to confirm his personal home setup.

I've just called someone who runs an employment agency and I know her quite well. She's a one-woman-band so obviously uses one of these answering services, so I had to spend ages spelling my name out, detailing whether I was an individual or a company and then asked 'is it Miss or Mrs?', "Irrelevant," I said.

But my blood is now boiling. I cannot believe that we are well into the 21st Century and this question is still being asked when it is absolutely not relevant to this call or to my potential employment or to anyone else, in fact, apart from me and my OH/DP/DH. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
peanutbutterandbanana · 30/07/2014 11:42

Sorry, should have said ' Knowledge of my marital status is unnecessary' in first para ... but my vision is blurred with fury so checking thoroughly before posting was not a possibility!

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 30/07/2014 11:43

I am SO glad you said "Irrelevant"! Well done; if we all did that they'd soon stop asking.

But you know...you're going to get loads of posts saying "I'm proud to be a Mrs"

(EYE ROLL)

and "What's the problem?" It's so frigging annoying.

Teddybeau1988 · 30/07/2014 11:43

I would say yanbu

But if someone asks ' is that Miss...' Im always quick to say 'no! It's Mrs...'

Vivacia · 30/07/2014 11:45

Is it more that they're after a title than your marital status?

I always say, "I prefer no title" and then of course the computer won't let them go any further so I say, "If you must, please use "ms"".

The other day in Next I had to introduce the shop assistant to Ms. She used "Miss" and I had to clarify, "no, ms... that one there".

MrsWinnibago · 30/07/2014 11:45

Teddy why?

thecatneuterer · 30/07/2014 11:45

That's what 'Ms' is for. I never allow myself to be called anything else.

Surfsup1 · 30/07/2014 11:47

YANBU - I don't get asked that so much now I'm back in Aus, but I'll saving up your response in eager anticipation of the next time!

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 30/07/2014 11:47

I always tick/say Ms. I don't mind in the least actually being married/a Mrs (I have friends who do mind to the extent that they won't get married), but don't see that it's at all relevant to anyone else, and why should I be regarded as an appendage to some man (father, husband) rather than a person in my own right?

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 30/07/2014 11:48

Ditto loving "irrelevant" and likewise will try that next time Grin

Ninetysixpercent · 30/07/2014 11:54

YANBU. I come across this all the time, like recently when taking out car insurance. I don't mind if they ask for your title but marital status is as you say generally irrelevant. Even worse I was pricing up holidays for next year online for me and ds and when it came to number of adults/children 1 adult wasn't even an option, minimum was 2 adults. It's like living in 1950 sometimes.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/07/2014 11:55

Yabu. Chill out. It's not worth being bothered about this. A 'mr' doesn't need to be asked because there's only one option, so it's a silly comparison. They need to know this info for when they write to you fur example. I imagine you'd be 'furious' if they guessed the wrong title.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 30/07/2014 11:56

Ms is never the wrong title though! Grin

Lottapianos · 30/07/2014 11:56

'I am SO glad you said "Irrelevant"! Well done; if we all did that they'd soon stop asking.

But you know...you're going to get loads of posts saying "I'm proud to be a Mrs"

(EYE ROLL)

and "What's the problem?" It's so frigging annoying'

Just a massive YES to all of this. Your response was great OP. It's hard not to feel like you're a character in Mad Men sometimes Angry

MrsWinnibago · 30/07/2014 11:57

Anyleft but WHY is there only one choice for men? Your naivety is astounding.

It's not a silly comparison...it's silly to suggest it IS!

arethereanyleftatall · 30/07/2014 11:57

I don't know why not mrswinnibago and I don't care.

Lottapianos · 30/07/2014 11:58

'Yabu. Chill out. It's not worth being bothered about this'

Bingo!

Off you go peanut and flick your little 'chill out' switch and for heaven's sake stop overthinking thinking! Wink

mommy2ash · 30/07/2014 11:58

they don't care if you are married they just want to use your proper title

Teddybeau1988 · 30/07/2014 11:59

I'm catholic and was brought up on the whole sex before marriage is bad idea. The rational part of me knows its outdated and backwards, but I get abit irate if its Miss on the DCs school letters. It is abit like being brainwashed

MrsWinnibago · 30/07/2014 12:00

Anyleft then bugger off or stay and be educated!

there's only one choice for men because women had no status in life in the past unless they were married. A woman was the property of her Father until she married when she became her husband's.

Men had no such bollocks to contend with.

The separate titles are a hangback from this not so distant and very shitty past.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 30/07/2014 12:01

YANBU. I just say "Ms" and wait for them to get over it.

I can't imagine how annoying it must be to have to keep changing your title as you get married/divorced/remarried as so many people must have to.

Sapat · 30/07/2014 12:02

I kept my maiden name and just say it is Ms. Perfectly acceptable. To be honest I don't think anyone cares.

Original poster
peanutbutterandbanana · 30/07/2014 12:02

The thing is arethereanyleftatall I would not be furious if someone guessed incorrectly. Often I say 'you choose' when asked this silly question in this day and age. My name is Peanut Butter and whether I am Mrs Peanut Butter or Miss Peanut Butter is irrelevant when taking a phone message. Just tell her that Peanut Butter called and pick any old title if you have to. She didn't even bother taking my phone number, but perhaps her system picked it up.

Hopefully 'all phone calls are monitored for training purposes' and the powers that be at that company will take note and in future just have a 'Mr' or 'Ms' option. Or 'Dr' or 'Lord' or 'Lady' or 'Sir' or 'Your Royal Highness' - see how silly all these titles get when all you are doing is taking a frigging phone message.......

History has shown that by people (women) taking small steps towards equality things do eventually change, arethereanyleftatall......

OP posts:
minipie · 30/07/2014 12:03

YANBU

This is why I say "Ms"

I would say "irrelevant" or "no title" but lots of people get a bit flustered if they have nothing to put in a box on their form. So it's quicker to say Ms.

Quejica · 30/07/2014 12:06

I'm a Miss at work and I've been married 20 years so my title isn't an indicator of my marital status.

Jayne35 · 30/07/2014 12:06

'Yabu. Chill out. It's not worth being bothered about this'

Agreed. I really don't care one way or another, at work I regularly get letters addressed to Mr/Ms/Mrs Jayne (because they haven't asked) and I don't care about that either. Life really is far to short to be complaining about the small stuff.