AIBU to get annoyed when asked my marital status when leaving a message?

[peanutbutterandbanana]

GGGRRRR - I used to get this in the last century... you make a call and the person answering needs you to leave a message, so you give your details and they say 'Miss or Mrs?'. My marital status is unnecessary and a man would certainly not be asked to confirm his personal home setup.

I've just called someone who runs an employment agency and I know her quite well. She's a one-woman-band so obviously uses one of these answering services, so I had to spend ages spelling my name out, detailing whether I was an individual or a company and then asked 'is it Miss or Mrs?', "Irrelevant," I said.

But my blood is now boiling. I cannot believe that we are well into the 21st Century and this question is still being asked when it is absolutely not relevant to this call or to my potential employment or to anyone else, in fact, apart from me and my OH/DP/DH. AIBU?

I really don't funking care...but if I did care which sometimes I do... I'm a Ms being called a Mrs is not an insult nor a Miss...I have been called all three and quite get a kick out of being whatever I want to be..lots of options

not everybody is married though. I feel weird when people assume because of my age and because i have children that i'm a mrs. I shouldn't have to correct them, it shouldn't be the norm to use mrs rather than ms so that people that don't fit the bill are left having to opt out of mrs. Ms should be the default!! not an assumption! an assumption is the default and I can see why married women either wouldn't notice or wouldn't care, but it's annoying.

Yes, I read that article this week too, I'd like to see Miss and Mrs gradually becoming the exception rather than the rule.

As for the being asked about marital status / title, I'd rather they said "is that Ms?" so I can just say yes.

I get why this annoys you but while there are people who want to be referred to as Miss or Mrs then it's a valid question. Just say Ms.

Someone mentioned that there should be a gender neutral title - I disagree! I rely on titles at work so I know whether I'm discussing a him or a her. We can obtain gender equality while still distinguishing people are of a certain gender.

Oops i didnt RTFT! I have a response to another part of zombie section though!

Peanut when you called the big corporation regarding the phone bill, the response would have been the same if your husband called and the bill was in your name. It is totally unrelated to treatment of women and marital status. For all the person on the phone knows, you could have been his estranged wife who he wanted nothing to do with, and he is their customer so would take instruction from him only. Who paid the bill wouldnt come into it. Of course any male couldve called and said they were mr peanut and been dealt with but that is because the person lied and, in my work, i have to take what a person says at face value. If they come on the phone saying they werent the customer would be treated very differently though...

You are probably right Beavington, but the next time that happened to me I just said 'Yes, I AM Mr Peanut Butter'. Pause. Call centre worker has to think carefully about how to respond. If I was transgender and they started questioning me then I might have a complaint against the company. So she decided to accept that I was Mr Peanut Butter and we were able to continue our conversation. Sometimes there are moments when I bless the fact that I live in politically-correct-must-be-careful-not-to-cause-offence Britain and that moment was one of them.

Back to the OP.... I have just returned from France where any woman who looks as if she is remotely past school age is referred to as Madame. So men and women are equal. In adulthood they use MADAME as a general title for women and MONSIEUR as a general title for men. It has NOTHING to do with their marital status, only their maturity. How sensible. My DD is about to turn 18. I think it would be great if she could then change from being Miss Butter to Mrs Butter with me being Mrs Butter as well, regardless of whether I am unmarried, divorced, married or widowed. True equality.

Youareallbonkers I do care about these things because I care about everyday sexism. It is only by our foremothers campaigning about equality that you and I (presuming you are a woman) are able to do so many things (eg go out to work once married, expect equal pay to men, vote ffs) that women only a few years ago could only dream of. There are many inequalities in modern Britain. I have two DDs and I hope that when they are my age, and raising their own DDs, that they will be living in a more equal and understanding world. So yes, this little matter does bother me and I make my own small protests about it whenever I see an opportunity. I aim to change the world one person at a time.

I know this is a zombie thread but I've never understood why people froth about this. If you don't want to "give your marital status" just use a title that doesn't do this. It's really very simple.

I do, but still find the question irritating, as the reply "no, it's Ms" invariably elicits some sort of surprised response from the person asking.

I think its very U to be rude to some poor person on the phone if they ask you, since they are just doing their job, plus moaning at them won't change anything except make their day a bit worse.

You should contact companies or the Government if you want real change.

All this refusing to give titles to people on the phone is really nippy.

It might be possible that change could be effected from the "bottom up" by people objecting to, for eg, call centres asking them for titles. If enough do then eventually they will presumably give their customers what they want? No excuse for being rude to the poor person who answers the phone though, but of course it's possible to politely refuse to give a title. And things may gradually start to change

The way I see it, I have the choice of three titles, one of which is unrelated to marital status. Men have only one once they are too old for "master"

Excluding academic titles and knighthoods etc :o

Sometimes I sign E mails with H Again. I get replies addressing me as Mr Again. I just smirk. Bit cross making though.

When I first got a bank account 100 years ago, I didn't put a title on the form (no space for one because few women had bank accounts then ). So my cheques said H Again under where one signed. I rang up once and they refused to speak to me because they thought the account was held by a man because only men didn't have titles on their cheques.......

I think my driving licence is up for renewal next year. I'm going to see if I can one without a title on it. Like my male partner has.

I think we are overcomplicating things. Just don't have a title - so easy, so I am Nana Dookdookdook no title. Often there is a m/f tick box if that is required so the title isn't needed.

I have a feeling in the US you just fill in your name etc etc , no title.

Typical UK left in Victorian times.

Wingcommandergallic please do let us know how you get on . This is another example of everyday sexism - driving licences. Men are just first name, second name. Women have to be badged and labelled with a title as well as their two names. Even if you choose Ms you are still having to do something that men don't have to do.

Next time I am asked my "Miss or Mrs" in a phone call I'll say 'you choose, it is unimportant to me". Bit by bit attitudes will change if we all do our bit. There are indeed some deep-seated Victorian attitudes towards women floating around GB today, Nanadook.

Yes, because being obnoxious to someone who is just doing their job is just the way to change attitudes.

Happy - when I first opened my bank account in the 80s (NatWest) they refused to give me one without Miss on the cheques, although men had no title on theirs. So I switched to Lloyds who were happy to oblige and have been with them ever since, sorry NatWest, you lost me for life there.

I thought about getting my driving licence changed from Miss to Ms last year when I renewed the photocard, but it was a lot of hassle compared to just renewing it, so I didn't but should have made the effort really.

Dh and I have the same title but they still assume that they must want the man of the house. Handy though for when I need to collect a parcel addressed to him. It does annoy me when I have to choose a title which isn't mine because they can only think of three options and I can't proceed until I have conformed to a cultural stereotype. There should always be an option for no title. I love not being able to be identified by my gender - why should it matter? I think either one title for everyone or why not be radical and abolish them altogether.

you can't NOT have a title. When I was setting up an account for a utility service recently (I'm not in the uk, it was Greenstar, there, name and shame for those of you in Ireland) I could only select from Mrs, Miss, Mr or Dr. I selected Mr. So now the statement comes to Mr **Rachel StopBarking.

It's just annoying.

And years ago, when ordering maternity clothes from blooming marvellous, the only option was MRS!!! I'm sure they've changed that now.

They say 'Miss or Mrs Firbolg?'
I say 'Dr Firbolg. Or Ms if you have no other options.'
Repeat as necessary.

No need to be rude, but I always tell a call centre person politely to feed back to their line manager that asking a woman's marital status in order to deal with a complaint/ pay a bill/book a theatre ticket is offensively 1950s, and they should reconsider from a PR point of view.

Me too, Firbolg. One of the things I like about being Dr Murmuration is it obviates the need to specify my marital status.

Don't worry Owlcapone, I would be ever so sweet when I say 'you choose my title as it is unimportant to me so I don't use one'. Particularly unimportant when leaving a message for a colleague who knows me as Peanut Butter. No rudeness (or snideyness) required.

meh... I'm going to be like Granny Weatherwax and snap "Mistress!" next time someone asks.