AIBU to get annoyed when asked my marital status when leaving a message?

[peanutbutterandbanana]

GGGRRRR - I used to get this in the last century... you make a call and the person answering needs you to leave a message, so you give your details and they say 'Miss or Mrs?'. My marital status is unnecessary and a man would certainly not be asked to confirm his personal home setup.

I've just called someone who runs an employment agency and I know her quite well. She's a one-woman-band so obviously uses one of these answering services, so I had to spend ages spelling my name out, detailing whether I was an individual or a company and then asked 'is it Miss or Mrs?', "Irrelevant," I said.

But my blood is now boiling. I cannot believe that we are well into the 21st Century and this question is still being asked when it is absolutely not relevant to this call or to my potential employment or to anyone else, in fact, apart from me and my OH/DP/DH. AIBU?

Ms is never the wrong title though!

I have a professional title, so don't have to run the Miss / Mrs / Ms thing, but the flip side is that a lot of people automatically assume the title is my husband's!

GoodnessGracious .... I used to say 'Ms' and then I got 'oh, you're one of those feminists, are you?' Then I started to say 'put what you like to fill in your form as I really don't mind what you address me as', but now I'm going to say 'Dame'. It has been worth getting my blood to boiling point (according to Coffee) as now I am feeling happy and serene and uplifted .

Run the gauntlet of the Miss/ Mrs / Ms thing

I think Ms definitely still carries these connotations. It is changing though (albeit slowly). It's changing precisely because some women have insisted and continue to insist on it changing.

Susie don't you see that the problem is (partly) that men never have to say whether they're master or mister, yet the mrs and miss still linger?

Ms is meant to be a neutral title, but unfortunately it simply isn't.

I still use it.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. It makes my blood boil too.

I remember overhearing a conversation in a shop where a customer was ordering something and was asked if age was mrs or miss. "I'm Dr" - she replied. Pause. "I still need to know if your mrs or miss" the assistant said

Then I went to visit a company site and checked in with reception. Receptionist asked my title, I told her it was Ms.

Her: i don't have that option on my system, you'll have to choose miss or mrs
Me: well in that case put me down as Mr
She (looking confused): but you're not a Mr
me: I'm not a Miss or a Mrs either
Her: shall I just put you down as "no title" then?
Me: that would be a good idea

Why didn't she just do that in the first place....?

Oh I would love to say Wing Commander!

peanut, I think the best response to 'oh, you're one of those feminists, are you?' is 'Yes I am', accompanied by a Paddington Bear hard stare (in person) or an icy silence (on the phone).

As others have said, they aren't asking your marital status they are asking for your title, for which you could go by anything you wanted to if you dislike disclosing wether you are a mrs or a miss.

In fact, I got that wrong. Boys would be "master" and men would be "mr", ie it was an age thing. Women would be "miss" or "mrs" depending on whether a man had married them or not. That's (partly) the issue.

I used to think it was no big deal and just women getting their knickers in a twist over something silly. I thought that the use of "ms" was pretentious and probably because the woman was a lesbian. This is because I was brought up by a misogynistic, woman-hating father.

TheresLots I don't care if there's a negative connotation to Ms and I don't care if people think I am separated / divorced / a Norwegian troll. What is important to me is that they are not entitled to know my marital status.

Mississippi why is that? genuine question. What are the associations with Miss and Ms that you do not like? My feminist grandmother surprised me years ago by saying that it is important to her to be Mrs Husband's Name. I think that being a married woman was associated with an elevation in status for her generation (running your own home, in many ways more autonomous) - it certainly isn't now.

But that elevation of status was paradoxically parasitic on the oppression of women, their status as second class citizens, who could only exercise many important social and legal rights through the institution of marriage, if at all.

damepeanut I am delighted that you have found a title that you love!

I like the use of dame in the north american vernacular to mean woman...

Receptionist: is it Miss or Mrs?
peanutbutterandbanana: irrelevant

The following week the OP receives a letter starting with: "Dear irrelevant peanutbutterandbanana"

(sorry, couldn't help myself )

It is ridiculous. Why should my marital status be anyone else's business?

I tend to use Ms but when I was asked recently if I was miss, ms or mrs, I told the person asking to choose as it didn't matter.

Have you noticed that women's driving licences state a title whilst men's licences just state first name, second name?

Ms is never the wrong title though!

It is for those who wish to be Miss or Ms.

Like someone else has said I don't like the way Ms sounds tbh.

Leaving no title at all for correspondence in our house would cause problems as DP and I have same initials and the same when I was living at my parents as my mum dad and I all had the same initial.

Itscurtains that made me

I am going to be a mister too

mister r pig! I like it.

*Miss it Mrs!

I use all of them depending on mood/circumstance as it is completely irrelevant.
I also use maiden/married name as I feel like it..don't like my dad or exh so again irrelevant which one.
I really like my first name though and can get pissy if people get that wrong because that is who I am.

BTW can we have a "choosing a new surname" thread...I would love one that is mine but can never think of one that is meaningful enough...

*I am SO glad you said "Irrelevant"! Well done; if we all did that they'd soon stop asking.

But you know...you're going to get loads of posts saying "I'm proud to be a Mrs"

(EYE ROLL)

and "What's the problem?" It's so frigging annoying.*

V funny that that was posted by mrswinnibago.

I like being a Mrs as it's part of my name, nothing to do with being married. If I was to ever get divorced I would still be Mrs it's just part of me.

"Leaving no title at all for correspondence in our house would cause problems as DP and I have same initials and the same when I was living at my parents as my mum dad and I all had the same initial." --> I assume you don't have the same first name too?

nonsense Earth, they could just use your full name. There are plenty of fathers and sons in the world with the same first name, who live under the same roof, and cannot be differentiated by title - in this case First name Initial (or middle name) Surname is used.

Anyway we could change the system to all be identified by a series of numbers tomorrow, if we wished. The possibilities really are endless.

OMG Gallicgirl, I had not noticed that! Blood boiling again. Oh dear, I must go and 'calm down dear' and take some smelling salts. This is an issue for a Petition on change.org. If I set one up will you all support it please? That is outrageous! A man has a right to keep his marital status private on a public document, but a woman hasn't???? Wow! 2014 or 1914????

If you wish to be a Canadian they say that you should
Use Ms. when referring to a woman unless a preference for Mrs. has been indicated.
Seems eminently sensible...I want to be Canadian.