AIBU to get annoyed when asked my marital status when leaving a message?

[peanutbutterandbanana]

GGGRRRR - I used to get this in the last century... you make a call and the person answering needs you to leave a message, so you give your details and they say 'Miss or Mrs?'. My marital status is unnecessary and a man would certainly not be asked to confirm his personal home setup.

I've just called someone who runs an employment agency and I know her quite well. She's a one-woman-band so obviously uses one of these answering services, so I had to spend ages spelling my name out, detailing whether I was an individual or a company and then asked 'is it Miss or Mrs?', "Irrelevant," I said.

But my blood is now boiling. I cannot believe that we are well into the 21st Century and this question is still being asked when it is absolutely not relevant to this call or to my potential employment or to anyone else, in fact, apart from me and my OH/DP/DH. AIBU?

Just say Ms.

The sooner everyone starts using this title the sooner these questions will stopped being asked.

I have tried saying 'Ms' but some people dont' seem to be aware this is an option, so put you down as 'Miss' anyway. One person wrote it down as 'Mis'. I prefer not to bother with titles at all and I always ask people to use my first name instead.

It's part of your full name.

So either chill out or petition the government to ask that all females go by Miss regardless of their marital status or age.

It's worth being bothered about because it's an idignity and annoyance that men do not suffer, only women.

I don't see the point of titles anyway, I prefer the Scandinavian norm, where everyone is called by their first name, regardless of age or status.

If titles are used, I would prefer the same title used for all adult women, regardless of marital status, like in France and Germany.

I just wish there was a gender neutral title that everyone could use. I hate Ms with a passion, simply because I hate how it sounds.

I do have a gender-neutral title, but I had to bloody well earn it and I get really cross with websites when the only options are Mr/Miss/Mrs and you can't leave it blank. A few places have even had me ring up customer services to speak my mind on this!

I agree that marital status is irrelevant and I have also always been a Ms.

But - the person on the phone asking you isn't interested in your marital status either, they just want to get the title right because people get arsey about being called the wrong title.

Yabu.

IMO it's just to establish your correct details so you can be addressed correctly during correspondence etc. I've never since it as a summing up of your 'worth' in society. My ds's are addressed as Master on any correspondence they receive as they aren't an adult yet. I don't have a problem with this at all.

I do have a bit of an issue with the undertones of the words spinster and bachelor are used though.

Spinster= sad unmarrried unwanted women that never found a man.

Batchelor= jack the lad playing the field.

Next time I'm going to say "I'm 'Lady' actually", cos I am a laidy (said in Dave Walliams voice)

Yabu, it's unhealthy for your blood to be boiling over this. Also the competitiveness with men over everything must be exhausting. It's not a personal attack on you, it's just someone doing their job.

So you get that 'spinster' has negative undertones that 'bachelor' doesn't susie and yet you see 'miss' and a neutral way to give someone a 'correct' title?

Can you not see how the gender problems there apply to the 'miss or mrs' thing?

Coffe, someone is doing their job badly if they only offer Miss or Mrs.

No I don't really see the connection. I see miss mrs mr ms as a way to address someone when do business or paperwork it's a throw back to a stuffier age when people objected to being addressed by their Christian name etc. but I see spinster as much more invasive as by being known as a spinster people automatically become aware that you have no spouse and no children.

Coffee - it is because of women fighting the fight over many things over the years, regardless of how it affected their health, that things have changed very, very slowly. Women are still not treated as equals to men in many ways. Everyday sexism exists and unless the issues are raised and female (mainly) blood boils and does something about it then the status quo will remain the same.

I am not worried about a 'personal' attack on me and no, it isn't exhausting to hate prejudice. The world is a very interesting place with lots to be done to make it better. But I am worried about the attitude of the world towards women in general. I have two DDs and I would like them to live in a more equal world than the one I inherited and luckily I inherited a more equal one that my darling DM was born into because women of her time got upset about the small, tiny, seemingly inconsequential prejudices that exist and did something about it and encouraged others to copy them.

If by my OP a few women on here copy me and use 'irrelevant' when asked their marital status for a phone message next time they are asked then I will have achieved a very small bettering of the world for the female sex.

As others have said, why can't we just have one title for adult men and one for adult women (unless people are Dr, Prof etc). Mr and Ms is fine but I wouldn't care if people decided on another adult-woman title if people hate Ms. Personally I like it and have always been a Ms.

Unless your marital status is relevant in a specific situation, why should your title reveal it? And why should you be expected to choose a title that reveals it when men aren't?

Should have also said, YANBU and 'irrelevant' is a perfect answer!

I suppose I can see that in years gone by it would of been

Master
Miss. are children until they come of age 18? And then it became

Mr
Mrs. on the assumption that all girls were swiftly married off at a young age.

So IMO it's outdated and old fashioned rather than sexist and oppressive.

YANBU. What is the need for titles at all?! I went through the most ridiculous shenanigans with HSBC to be given a bank card that said R Pig rather than Mrs R Pig or Miss R Pig, of which I am neither.

I recall my grandmother complaining about being required to give a title when she was sending flowers to my mother. They were to mark my mother's choice to return to her maiden name on separating from my father (so title particularly ir/relevant) and DGM was excited to send flowers to "Not Mrs, New Name". And M&S could not send flowers without being supplied with a title for the recipient. They were utterly inflexible, and unmoved.

I say we all become dames.

'A 'mr' doesn't need to be asked because there's only one option, so it's a silly comparison'

The fact that a man doesn't need to be asked is kind of the point! Is it equal that a man's title doesn't reveal his marital status while a woman's does? No. add to that the eye-rolling and accusations of militancy/bra-burning that still, unbelievably, one sometimes gets for saying 'Ms' or 'Irrelevant' or whatever, and it IS worth worrying about.

Small things add up to become big things. It is ALWAYS worth calling out inequality.

Personally, I say Ms. I always long to say something like 'Wing Commander' but haven't yet had the presence of mind.

I got a new phone contract recently and said 'I'd rather not give that' when the guy asked my marital status. He pushed it and said 'Sorry, you don't want to?' a couple of times. I kept saying a polite no until he moved on. Why the actual fuck do they need my marital status when I'm buying a phone??

Op it is because of women fighting the fight over many things over the years, regardless of how it affected their health, that things have changed very, very slowly.

But it's up to women to use the title Ms. I do and it's never an issue.

susie, 'it's just to establish your correct details so you can be addressed correctly during correspondence etc.'

Aren't your 'correct' details the ones you want to be addressed by?

I'm mrs and don't want to be called Ms or Miss!

Rootypig - Yes! I am now Dame Peanut Butter. I thank you!

Only - OH YES! Wing Commander! I'm going to say that next time I'm asked Miss or Mrs.

Do you not feel as though Ms is viewed negatively? I was taught my by not that old parents that it meant that you were either divorced, separated, an old spinster or a lesbian. The tone in that I was taught that was not positive at all.

I know that they're wrong to have taught me that way but just wondering what the general attitude is to a Ms?

I always put my title on letters at work but only because they can then use it to address the return letter correctly. I don't think that it reflects on me.

Theres. Yes I was aware of the same sadly, Ms meant cat lady with a moustache or lesbian.