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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what the issue is with having only one child?

144 replies

shareacokewithnoone · 27/07/2014 09:04

I'm genuinely surprised some people seem to see it as something really awful.

To me, it's just a different family. Two is my ideal but if I was backed into a corner I'd rather have one than three (for example.)

Those who see it as something bad - why? I mean this very genuinely.

OP posts:

Droflove · 27/07/2014 09:06

Not everyone has great siblings but I do, and pretty much everyone I know does. All my friends that were only children (about 3 I can think of) have said it was lonely and is even more lonely now that their parents are getting old and needing help. Its very hard to be solely responsible for your parents in old age without someone to let off steam to who understands and who can pitch in.

ChoccaDoobie · 27/07/2014 09:08

Well I have one. I love it now but have felt sad not to give my Dd a sibling in the past. Dd loves it for the most part. I have several friends who were only children, some hated it, some loved it. There are all sorts of variables.

Original poster

shareacokewithnoone · 27/07/2014 09:09

But surely that in itself isn't a reason for having more than one child? To provide support for an old age that might never happen!

I was a very lonely child and I had a sibling. It was more to do with where we lived,parents worked long hours, than anything else.

OP posts:

MinutesOfMeetings · 27/07/2014 09:15

I've never heard anyone say its "really awful". Do you hear that a lot? From who?

As an only child myself it's not something I would choose for my own child. I was lonely at times as a child and then I lost my own parents when I was a young adult and I was truly alone in the world. So I chose to have three and create a larger family more likely to provide support for one another throughout life, but I don't thing having an only is awful at all.

Mammuzza · 27/07/2014 09:16

The issue is one of disproven theories, that have echoed down generations unchallenged at grass roots levels to the point of being percieved as fact, when "myth" is a better description.

BBQSteak · 27/07/2014 09:16

Is it a weird british obession ?

ChoccaDoobie · 27/07/2014 09:17

There are pros and cons for both. I'd have loved to have more but couldn't. No sense in being negative about it now. I do make an extra effort to be very welcoming to all and any of Dds friends and we often take one away with us on holiday. Some siblings get on, others don't, my friend who hated being an only had a very difficult childhood with a violent father, she felt she had no one to share her feelings with.

sandgrown · 27/07/2014 09:17

I was lonely but my parents were not the sort who did activities or played games with me. My dad was miserable and we had a small house so I never had other kids in to play. I did become an excellent reader and got an English degree. As an adult I love meeting and entertaining friends but I am also good at spending time alone and very self sufficient. Also a bit precious about belongings as I never had to share!

Rebecca2014 · 27/07/2014 09:19

Who cares what other people think? and the only children who complain are selfish, surely they should be thankful to even be given life and to have loving parents.

My father has six siblings but because his parents were abusive none of them are close as adults and they all have a "Every man for themselves" mentality.

sandgrown · 27/07/2014 09:25

Not complaining just stating the facts!

Sparklingbrook · 27/07/2014 09:25

I have never heard anyone say it's awful. Who is saying this?

Many people would love to have more than one child but for lots of reasons it hasn't happened. You aren't in control of how many children you can have. Lots of people would love to have one child but it's not happening for them.

Original poster

shareacokewithnoone · 27/07/2014 09:26

There are two threads on here at the moment re only children and it's something I've heard touted a lot.

I veer between one and two. Financially it makes far more sense to have one.

I'm not bothered but it just surprised me how strongly some people seem to feel.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 27/07/2014 09:27

I haven't seen the threads-sorry.

Original poster

shareacokewithnoone · 27/07/2014 09:27

Why do I have to justify myself to you sparkling? Yes, I have 'heard' or read more accurately people saying it's awful which I won't quote as I don't want this to be accused of this being a taat - but by all means treat me like I'm on trial at the fucking stand

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 27/07/2014 09:28

right back at you, I have said I haven't seen the other threads. You don't have to justify yourself to me.

Phineyj · 27/07/2014 09:28

My DM was an only and says it was lonely at times, but she is a very sociable adult. I have noticed that the elder care tends to fall on one sibling anyway.

PicardyThird · 27/07/2014 09:29

I think it's a terrible idea to have another child when you would be happy with one, solely or primarily to 'give' your child a sibling. I see/hear that on here sometimes and it worries me. I think all children should, ideally, be wanted in their own right.

We wanted more than one because... we wanted more than one. Nothing more rational to it than that. We were lucky enough to have more than one and watching their sibling relationship is wonderful, but that wasn't our primary motivation.

JessieMcJessie · 27/07/2014 09:29

Similar discussion going on on a thread that I started yesterday OP -

here

Original poster

shareacokewithnoone · 27/07/2014 09:29

I've noticed that too phiney (or phony as iPad wants to call you!)

OP posts:

Original poster

shareacokewithnoone · 27/07/2014 09:30

No, I think that's lovely Picardy.

That's why I want a baby - to have a child. If we decided to have no2, it would be to have a second child and as you say, not to provide them with a sibling.

OP posts:

Phineyj · 27/07/2014 09:32

Phony

SirChenjin · 27/07/2014 09:32

Whoah - calm down share. No-one is treating you like you're on trial, Sparkling is just asking a reasonable question - who's asking? Have you had people in RL asking, or are you just observing generally?

Original poster

shareacokewithnoone · 27/07/2014 09:34

I've said above. Sorry for snapping but I got testy then for a reason.

OP posts:

DrankSangriaInThePark · 27/07/2014 09:35

The only people I've ever seen being snippy about only children have more than one themselves. Or are more than one themselves. So it's usually a non-argument. It's like me saying "ooooh, aren't twins just weird!" when I don't know shit about twins.

Families are just random bumping together of random clumps of scientific mush at the end of the day. I have a half-sister I would cross the street to avoid, and friends I would throw myself under a bus for.

Siblings who grow up to say they are "best friends" are few and far between IMHO. There is a reason why we choose our friends, we can't choose our families......

Did you mean to be so offensive to SparklingBrooke OP?

SirChenjin · 27/07/2014 09:36

OK - but rather than getting testy, just explain!

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