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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my 4 month DS for 4 nights

107 replies

ColdCottage · 11/07/2014 14:48

I made a commitment when just pregnant to go away for 4 nights.
I wasn't sure how I would feel when DS arrived so thought I would book my flight and I could always not go or come home early (event is in France) if I needed to.

It is now 2 months away and I'm not sure what to do.

Part of me thinks "goodness how can I leave my baby" (PFB) and the other part thinks "he will be with his daddy and not notice I'm not there, plus the sun, wine and sleep will do me good".

I'm also EBF so am pumping to freeze for him.

Advice please.

When did you first leave your DC for more than one night? How did you feel?

OP posts:

Lweji · 11/07/2014 14:51

More than one night must have been when he was 13 months old. :)

But you will be fine and the baby will be fine too.

Make sure he takes a bottle before you go, though.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 11/07/2014 14:53

I would do it in your situation. A good old battery recharge, four nights of not having to think of anyone or anything but yourself (though you will, undoubtedly miss your LO).

He will be with his daddy, and what a lovely experience that will be for the both of them too.

BiteMeEricNorthman · 11/07/2014 14:56

Me and dp went away for 2 nights when DS was 6 weeks old. We had booked it before I found out I was pregnant and would of lost all the money if we'd of cancelled. I know a lot of people might judge me for that but tbh, it was lovely to have 2 full nights of sleep to look forward to. We had a brilliant time, DS was well looked after at my mums and it really helped me and DP

Go for it! You will have a lovely time!

Solasum · 11/07/2014 14:57

I made a commitment when just pregnant to go away for 5 nights when DS was 4mo. In the event I took him with me. I have done a couple of 12 hour streyched, but not overnight yet (nearly 7mo).

Original poster

ColdCottage · 11/07/2014 14:58

Thank you both. Helps to see I'm not a terrible mother to leave him.
Yes he can take a bottle. Already practiced with that from week 5 with expressed milk.
How did you feel when you were away? I think the worst bit will be saying good bye

OP posts:

callamia · 11/07/2014 15:02

I've not managed it. DS is nine months.
He's come with me to anywhere where I needed to be overnight (with dh to look after him while I'm out). This is because of not enough milk in the freezer though, lots had been used when I was at work, and some just didn't last well in the freezer.

Four nights is quite a long time. If your baby takes a bottle without issue, then it'll just be hard work for your husband . Mine didn't do great at a bottle, so I was concerned about him not getting enough milk over the time I would have been away. Breastfeeding is easier and quicker than bottles/cups for him. Also, it meant I didn't need to express as much.

All this said, if you go, all will be well, and you'll have a lovely break.

Lweji · 11/07/2014 15:02

I didn't feel bad. At 4 months, if you are breastfeeding, the worst part will be engorgement, though.
Only for that it might be worth taking the baby with you. Make sure you express regularly or they may get too swollen. A warm shower/bath and hand massage work well, though.

I assume you're going for work and can't take the baby. Otherwise, small babies travel well, actually.

rootypig · 11/07/2014 15:02

Go! My initial response was, that's too long. But I damn near had a breakdown after doing everything for DD for too long without a break in her first year, and so I should probably take this advice too. He'll be grand.

milkjetmum · 11/07/2014 15:02

I went away to France for work for 2 nights when dd1 was 5 months. So totally possible and you/ds/dh will all be fine. But with hindsight wish I had just splurged on the credit card and taken dd/dh with me...

eatscakefornoreasonwhatsoever · 11/07/2014 15:02

just to let you know that 4 months can be a bit of (for want of a better word) rebellious time for bf babies as this is often when ones who have happily taken a bottle suddenly refuse to. I'm not saying this will happen, but be prepared there's a possibility and maybe have a back up plan?

rootypig · 11/07/2014 15:03

And yes definitely take your pump with you, and a camera for bikini pics of your rock hard, engorged breasts

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 11/07/2014 15:04

I always felt marvellous whenever I was away! Dd is 2 1/2 and ive been on a london weekend, plus three hen weekends in her lifetime and enjoyed every one!

I texted dh a little bit on the trips to check all was well, but didnt call and speak to dd til the days I was due to return so she didnt realise I was gone, if that make sense.

BelleOfTheBoys · 11/07/2014 15:07

You're absolutely not a terrible mother. Would your DP feel like a terrible father for going away for four nights when your baby is 4 months old? I doubt it very much (as my DH did exactly that and had a great time). I know it's different when you're bf, but if your baby can take a bottle fine, then go. Maybe sort out some Skype/facetime while you're away?

Honestly: he'll probably notice you're not there, especially if ebf, but he will quickly figure out that Daddy also can provide milk (albeit not a boob) and they will bond and have a great time and you'll be fine.

Pack breast pads and a pump (especially pads. You'll need them) and when you get back, spend a couple of days doing skin to skin and feeding on demand in order to protect your supply (which will be fine, but to make sure).

I would also say, get your baby used to taking at least one bottle from your DP now so he is well used to it by the time you go - we did have issues with DS1 when I went back to work full time when he was 4mo and left him with DH all day, and DS refused the bottle all day. We just hadn't practised enough. HV helped us sort it and suggested that we ought to have practised more beforehand - so we have done with DS2 this time around and when I go back next week I know he will take a bottle fine (although he is much older). Anyway.

Also; do you usually feed him to sleep? I did with both of mine and leaving them overnight has proven difficult for DH more than the baby as we had no other way of getting them to fall asleep (bless them). Might be worth getting your DH really involved in bedtime in advance too.

I say most of this to make you feel better, of course. Even if you don't do any of that stuff, they will be just fine. Are you going away for something fun?

Mother guilt is amazing, isn't it?

Lweji · 11/07/2014 15:12

Or get one of these for your OH.

somethingbeginningwith · 11/07/2014 15:33

I went to the Edinburgh Fringe to work for a week when DS was 5 months. It was tough because I missed him a lot, but on the other hand, it was quite nice to have some time and a lie in . I was constantly busy though, so I didn't have to pine over him, if that makes sense.

I'm really glad that I went because it was a big deal for me to work there and DS was so young that he wouldn't have noticed that I'd gone because DP was there and that's all that mattered to him. I think, now that he's 16 months, I'd find it harder if I had to go this year.

I wasn't BFing so can't offer any advice there. Apart from a little cry for a couple of nights, I was ok really. I had a group of friends with me who kept me occupied so I'd say as long as you make sure you're busy, the days will fly by and you'll be back having cuddles as though you'd never gone! Enjoy it

LastTango · 11/07/2014 15:37

Mine was 4 months old when I left him for a few days. He was fine, my Mum had a wonderful time with him, my DH and I achieved what we needed to.........all was well.

diddl · 11/07/2014 15:37

"When did you first leave your DC for more than one night? How did you feel?"

When I was in hospital having had PSB!!

Knew he was with his dad so all OK!

Plus I was knackered & busy with new baby.

I think if it's something that you're looking forward to, why not?

As you say, he'll be with his father!

TarkaTheOtter · 11/07/2014 15:54

I think mentally you would be fine. I think baby will be fine and it will be good for baby bonding with your dh.

I do think that you will find it hard going physically though because at 4 months your body will be producing a massive amount of milk. You will have to pump a lot (in terms of frequency) to avoid mastitis and your supply might take a bit of a hit. I don't think it will make it impossible but it might make it unpleasant and therefore not worth it. Maybe try to do 24hrs without feeding directly first to get a sense of what it will be like.

extraneous · 11/07/2014 16:00

If you are breastfeeding it will be difficult. I went away at 6 months for a night (was meant to be 2) and it's 5-6 pump and dumps a day and baby is taking quite a lot at that stage.
Please don't let it put you off bf (I'm sure more knowledgeable people will say it is possible) but it sounds a bit too long to me for a bf baby.
Good luck whatever you decide and good luck with the BFing. I promise the advantages (for me anyway) outweigh the downside even if it sounds a bit much!

littlejohnnydory · 11/07/2014 16:27

I personally wouldn't. I know that my babies would have been distressed at being away from me at that age - I think when they're breastfed they do associate Mum with comfort and don't get that from anywhere else. But then I hadn't even left them in another room at that age, if they were used to it perhaps they would be ok.

Physically, I don't think I could have left them overnight until they were about a year old. I do know people who have managed one night away from an ebf baby before any solids were introduced. I'd also be concerned that milk supply might suffer over 4 nights because pumping doesn't empty the breast fully like baby does when feeding.

dc3 is 2 and I haven't left for more than one night but I have been away for one night - I was fine mentally because I knew she was ok with DH and siblings. I did get engorged and uncomfortable over 1 night (2 days + the night in between) despite expressing and couldn't wait to feed her when I got home! I did leave the others at a slightly younger age, I think, for work reasons - a couple of nights - around 18 months. I didn't enjoy it though - dc2 was definitely affected by it and wouldn't speak to me when I got home, cried and ran to dh, I hated that. dc1 was less bothered by it, so perhaps it depends on the personality of the child. I do think 4 nights at 4 months is a bit long personally.

rootypig · 11/07/2014 16:32

I think leaving them at 1-3yr is harder though isn't it, because they know you're gone but don't really understand (unless they regularly go to grandma's or whatever so have a routine of you going and coming back in their memory)

I left DD one overnight when she was 8mo - DH and I had a night away and my mum had her - she was happy as a clam! I left her recently (20mo) with her dad while I went away for three nights with a friend and she was definitely upset with me when I came back, for a day or two.

slithytove · 11/07/2014 16:34

15 months and I've left DS once, for one night.

But we are all different, nothing is right or wrong, and if you think that YOU will be ok (DS will be just fine with his dad) then go for it. If you think you wouldn't enjoy yourself, then don't go!

Do you need to decide now?

slithytove · 11/07/2014 16:36

Oh, he was 13 months when I left him

Next time is likely to be 1/2 nights in September when DD arrives unless I can persuade DH to let me home birth

CoffeeTea103 · 11/07/2014 16:39

As you said he will be with his dad, you will be leaving enough milk for him, I don't see why not. I think it will be great for your DH to have that special few days just the two of them.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 11/07/2014 16:39

Have you checked your defrosted breastmilk? A minority of women find that theirs curdles and tastes "off" after defrosting and they need to scald it before freezing to avoid that problem. It would be heartbreaking to build up a big stash of frozen milk and only then discover the problem.

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