To leave my 4 month DS for 4 nights

[ColdCottage]

I made a commitment when just pregnant to go away for 4 nights.
I wasn't sure how I would feel when DS arrived so thought I would book my flight and I could always not go or come home early (event is in France) if I needed to.

It is now 2 months away and I'm not sure what to do.

Part of me thinks "goodness how can I leave my baby" (PFB) and the other part thinks "he will be with his daddy and not notice I'm not there, plus the sun, wine and sleep will do me good".

I'm also EBF so am pumping to freeze for him.

Advice please.

When did you first leave your DC for more than one night? How did you feel?

[diddl]

A hen abroad?
I'd be going for as short a time as poss as it wouldn't be important enough to me tbh.

[ColdCottage]

London, We couldn't afford for DH to fly over and stay elsewhere I'm afraid

[CrispyFB]

If he can't come with you in any shape or form (and totally understand the passport issue!) I guess it's going to be a case of either going for a much shorter time, or weighing up the relative importance to you of EBF versus the hen "weekend".

I kept hoping I'd feel better about going for the full two nights when she was four months but in reality I felt no different at all at four months than I did at two - i.e. reluctant to leave!

There is always the risk after four days of bottle feeding exclusively that she might not want to return the breast, no matter what.

I also agree that two days now at two months isn't necessarily going to be an accurate comparison to four days at four months!

I really do empathise - it is so easy to think it'll be fine before baby arrives, and then the reality is a bit different!!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

[Strokethefurrywall]

I would go too OP. I live on a small island and when DS1 was 5 months I went on my friends hen do in Miami for 3 nights.

It was fantastic - I had introduced bottles of expressed milk at 2 weeks so by 5 months he would happily go between both and it was great bonding time for him and DH.

For my part, I was looking forward to some time with my friends, to do some shopping, party all night etc and I just pumped as close to his feeding schedule as I could. Was brutal chucking all that milk down the sink though!

I think pumping is the key - if you're comfortable doing it, it will definitely help your boobs stay comfortable whilst you're gone. With DS1 I had to give him a bottle a day from 2 weeks for him to remember how to suck until he was at least 10 weeks, with DS2 he knew straight away how to suck and can go days between bottles but know how to do it. It just depends on the baby. Just keep giving the bottle the day for now and closer to the time maybe up to two bottles a day (depending on schedule).

Came back, DS1 and DH had a ball, he didn't even notice I was gone, I was all shopped out and felt fantastic for the relaxation (aside from the dull remnants of a 3 day hangover).

My breastfeeding relationship with DS remained perfectly in tact but obviously only you can really gauge how your baby might deal with it.

Whatever you decide is the right decision, maybe work towards going as you've made the commitment (from a loss of money point of view), start to pump and introduce another bottle a day in another couple of weeks or so and then make the final decision a couple of weeks before if you have the luxury of time.

[GermyElephant]

I think, for your supply, it is too long to be away from a 4 month old. Sorry. A couple of nights would probably work though.

[appealtakingovermylife]

I left my ds when he was 11 months old to go to my nans birth place in Germany.
He was with his nan during the day when ex-dp was at work and I was away for 3nights/4days.
I missed his first steps!!
He however didn't seem to care that mummy wasn't there and was fussed over and had bonding time with daddy. Go and enjoy yourself:)

[BrunoBrookesDinedAlone]

Argh. Honestly, if ebf is important to you, four months old, four days away - it has disaster written all over it. Even if you get loads out with the pump, it's a long time to be away from you, the boob, the routine. And you will be engorged as hell!

I think you'd get away with two nights, as long as you do a trial run.

[Shouldwego]

If I were you I'd go Saturday to Monday like some of the others. 4 days is quite a long time especially if ebf is important to you.

Have fun!

[Catsize]

I have a four month old, this afternoon, I went out for four hours. On the one hand, it was nice but I felt in a rush to get back. The cavewoman thing I guess. Also, DD was unsettled all afternoon whilst I was out. We mustn't forget we have babies who do not realise they were born into 2014 and they just think 'agh, milk source has disappeared and other parent doesn't smell right'. Or something.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

I wouldn't do it if you're breastfeeding. It will be awful. The emotional side of being apart from the baby could well be OK and you're the best person to judge but you just sensibly leave a breastfed baby for that long. Your breasts will be so engorged and uncomfortable and pumping won't be the same.

[Andrewofgg]

Took charge of my (ff) DS for three nights when he was two months old. I loved it and so far as I could tell so did he.

[PrincessOfChina]

I went away for three nights when DD was 11 weeks and it was fine.

Until then I was expressing around 50% of DD's feeds. I stopped that weekend and always used it as my mental stop point. I was engorged the first day but a hot shower and hand express sorted me out.

I, of course, missed DD but only really towards the end of the weekend. I was generally just thrilled to be with my friends, concentrating on doing something for me. I miss her more now that she's 3.

[katienana]

Only if you like carting rock hard leaky tits roynd I left my 7 month old for 1 night for a hen and ended up hand expressing in a nightclub toilet with staff banging on the door convinced I was doing drugs as I'd been in there so long. Yoyr baby will probably be fine, you might not. I wouldn't risk it.

[Solasum]

I am not sure if I can adequately describe how desperately I needed to feed EBF DS the first few times of being away from him for 8 hours. Even with expressing through the day. I had no concerns at all about his wellbeing. But by the end of the day I could think about was the next feed, as in spite of expressing I was still engorged and lumpy and itchy, for want of a better word. (Thankfully now he is older it has settled down a lot). I think it could make for a very miserable trip. As a pp said, you probably won't be able to pump as often as you would feed. Maybe try a 5 hours without feeding practice run?

[Solasum]

I think you do not need to worry too much about whether a bottle would end up being preferred to you though. DS is bottle fed during workdays but not at evenings and weekends and has never refused bf.

[ColdCottage]

Thank you all for your support the last 10 messages have helped me.

I think I am still concerned about EBF but am going to try suggestions and see how I feel nearer the time. Plus do some more research into the likelihood of him rejecting the breast on return.

Nothing would be worth that for me however much I love my friend.
Night night.

[HamAndPlaques]

Cottage, you might find others' experiences if you post on the breast and bottle feeding board.

I'm afraid that if ebf is important to you then you need to be aware of the impact that it will have. I agree that your DS will probably be absolutely fine but you need to consider firstly how you will feel about pumping every few hours, including through the night, to maintain supply and ease your discomfort. You will need to make sure that you have a very efficient pump to remove as much milk as possible as you run the risk of blocked ducts and potentially mastitis. There will be an impact on your supply and you will need to take a 'babymoon' when you get back - loads of skin-to-skin with DS and feeding on demand. Bear in mind that four months is a typical growth spurt.

You mentioned the idea of pumping and bottle-feeding ebm for 48 hours as a test run. Please don't do this. You are still establishing your supply and this could derail you. Far better to continue with a regular bottle of ebm (but be prepared for the fact that some babies begin to refuse a bottle anyway).

I'm sorry if this sounds very negative. You absolutely would not be a bad mother if you went. Your DS will be with his dad and he will be fine. But you do need to be aware of these facts so that you can make an informed decision. Lastly, please only go if you want to. Going because you feel implicit or explicit pressure from your friends is the worst possible reason and will only leave you feeling resentful.

[weasle]

OP your last message answers your question. No one can predict how/if your BF will survive a trip this long at a young age. If you were ambivalent about feeding and really wanted to go, then fine go. But if, like I would have been, you would be devastated if BF fails on your return then I wouldn't have thought it's worth the risk. Difficult as the risk can't be quantified but it is there.

When parenting a young baby you do sometime miss out on events but you have the consolation of a lovely baby!

I would have struggled for half a day away from baby at that age. The primeval urge to feed when engorged is quite strong and might ruin your trip. Your friends, even those who are mothers may not understand, and might pressure you to go, but you'll have lots of parenting issues you might do differently from them so one gets used to that!

I'd only go with baby (sounds quite an ideal set up in a villa) or have a nice lunch out with the hen in UK. She may understand one day!

[newchronicles82]

Your baby is only 4 months old and relies upon you for comfort and food. Yes it wouldn't be as if you would be leaving him with a stranger, but it won't be the same for your DS, he will know you aren't there and it will be stressful for him.

Unless it was life or death situation I would not leave my baby that long.

[ItMustBeBedtimeSurely]

I wouldn't have gone away at this age. I was the main attachment figure to my babies - they're really close to their dad now, but as little babies I was the one they wanted. There's no way they could have understood I was just away for a few days. Four months was a tricky time for mine too. They both went through growth spurts (so CONSTANT feeding again) and sleep regressions at this age. No guarantee your baby will, but it's certainly not uncommon.

Also, the ebf. As others have said, you'd be seriously endangering bfing, which you've said is really important to you.

[Dinosaursdontgrowontrees]

From you last update I def wouldn't go, you can never predict what might happen with your supply and if you feel that strongly about it it's not worth it..

However just to add a positive story when I worked as a nanny my employer left her ebf baby at 5 months old for 10 days! She took her pump left me a freezer full of BM. She said she was prepared for the baby to not accept the breast on her return and was happy to give up bf if that was the case. Baby was fine and when she got back latched straight on like she'd never left!

[TheTertiumSquid]

Just to add - please check your frozen milk before you go away. Some women's milk contains higher levels of an enzyme that changes the fat to a soapy taste over time. When I defrosted my stored milk it was all soapy and my DS wouldn't touch it. I ended up pouring bags and bags of it down the sink (and nearly crying over it - due to the effort I had gone to to produce it!).

[ColdCottage]

Thank you for your advice Ham

I have now posted on the Breast feeding Topic ("will my supply dry up" don't know how to link).

I do really want to go, these are my closest friends and a few days of sun, wine and the girls would be great but I am most worried about being able to continue to feed DS on my return.

I know he will be totally fine and dandy (feeling a bit retro with 'dandy'!) with DH and my parents and sister.

Although I would be sad to miss the hen do I would be devastated if I could no longer feed DS.

When a physio told me I would have to stop feeding for my back to get better (another feed, suspected slipped disc when DS was 1 week, still on drugs and recovering) I'd been holding it together until then but that broke me - leading to 24h of tears.

(Fortunately physio was wrong and after speaking to the pharmacist at the BFnetwork, I was told I could go on diazepam for short periods and still BF).

[ColdCottage]

I am lucky, the bride and my friends all said they would totally understand if I decided not to go or had to leave early to come home if I missed him too much.

I am very lucky as due to my back DS is very close to my mother and little sister and I have needed someone with me all the time so they have been taking turns. DS lights up when they arrive, especially with my mum. My DH has also been super hands on, changed more nappies than me (when I first hurt my back I couldn't bend to change nappies).

Think sadly I am leaning towards not going. Shame I didn't discover MN and all you kind helpful people before I booked my flight. It has been an education.

[HamAndPlaques]

No problem, Cottage. I'm glad that you have such supportive friends. There is a wealth of knowledge on the feeding boards and you might find this recent thread useful - the poster was in a similar situation to you and there is some very good advice on the thread.