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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 4 month DS for 4 nights

107 replies

ColdCottage · 11/07/2014 14:48

I made a commitment when just pregnant to go away for 4 nights.
I wasn't sure how I would feel when DS arrived so thought I would book my flight and I could always not go or come home early (event is in France) if I needed to.

It is now 2 months away and I'm not sure what to do.

Part of me thinks "goodness how can I leave my baby" (PFB) and the other part thinks "he will be with his daddy and not notice I'm not there, plus the sun, wine and sleep will do me good".

I'm also EBF so am pumping to freeze for him.

Advice please.

When did you first leave your DC for more than one night? How did you feel?

OP posts:
CharmQuark · 11/07/2014 16:40

keep up giving a bottle of ebm regularly because DS absolutely would not take a bottle at4m.

Also you might find that he isn't keen to latch again when you get back - and in the absence of his presence to get your let down going you will have to pump like a demon to keep going while you are away.

I was quite matter of fact about leaving my pfb, and went back to work early, but I left him overnight for the first time when he was 8m and I was desperate to get him back by 9am the next morning.

pillowaddict · 11/07/2014 16:44

DH and I had a night away when dd was 2 months. I missed her a lot even though we were away for less than 24 hours, but she was fine and I had a great nights sleep! Also went away for 4 nights when she was 6 months. She wasn't EDF as she had weaned at 4 months, so slightly different, but she was again absolutely fine and I had a great time although I missed her. I don't think there's anything wrong with short breaks as long as you know they're well cared for.

callamia · 11/07/2014 19:12

Tortoise, this happened to me. Anything over a month and a half was stinky. I could cook with it, it's not spoiled, but it was so disappointing.

Xmasbaby11 · 11/07/2014 19:18

I wouldn't do it. Too soon and for too long. I would be far too anxious and miss the baby.

If you have to go, can you take the baby ?

Original poster
ColdCottage · 11/07/2014 20:22

It is for one of my best friends hen dos. I know all but one of the girls and half are also mothers and I'm super close to the non mother half.

I mentioned bringing the baby before he arrived but they weren't keen. However now he is here and he is such a good baby, so easy and my friends adore him do you think it's worth mentioning again??

What would you think if someone took their baby on a hen do?

It's being held at a villa with perhaps one meal out in the local village (I'd be happy to stay at home) and maybe one visit to the beach and an optional wine tasting trip.

Tortoise - thanks for that tip, will check defrosted milk.

If I do go after missing him I am most worried about my supply, EBF is very important to me and I'm scared I will decrease or dry up (sob).

I think he will be happy, he is used to lots of different people taking care of him (I've not been well since his birth) and I was told other people should feed him a bottle so as not to confuse him. So my mum and DH have done this and he has been fine. It is more me I am worried about and my supply.

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 11/07/2014 20:22

I think there is a big difference between a fully bf baby and a formula fed one at this age, I found even missing one feed and going out for a few hours a challenge due to engorgement and rock hard boobs. I didn't take to expressing very well either, I am in awe of people pumping loads out, i used to get very little but then get very engorged which didn't make sense.

Sorry, I think four days with an EBF baby is going to be too long for the practical reason of engorgement/discomfort/pain in the breasts, we aren't made to switch on and off for a few days physically. Psychologically I'm sure it would be fine.

Original poster
ColdCottage · 11/07/2014 20:24

Thenapoleon I also have trouble pumping. Am starting now to get enough for just 4 days!

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 11/07/2014 20:36

Why don't you do what someone suggests and miss a feed or two and see what happens (while feeding with bottled milk)? If you can't go 12 hours here, with you on tap, then four days will be too many. I am not worried about your baby, he sounds super-chilled and gorgeous, but it really hurts a lot to suddenly stop feeding and I'm not sure four days of pumping (unless you are a super-pumper!) will be very nice for you at all, lots of leaking and rock hard breasts.

The other thing I found was that because I seemed to have to pump so many times to get enough milk even for one replacement feed (I used to pump about 1 oz a time) the milk wasn't very nice. I think it was too mixed up/curdling thing the other poster mentioned. I never cracked pumping although I know lots of people do, but I wouldn't depend on having four days supply by that point all fresh and ready to go, I'd possibly think about having formula as a back up if that's something you are fine with (I was, I fed one formula bottle a day from about four months).

ShineSmile · 11/07/2014 20:38

Start giving one bottle feed a day from now. If it's not too taxing for you, go!

Lweji · 11/07/2014 20:53

I wouldn't take a baby to a hen do in a villa.

As it is a hen do, I think I might just do it for a couple of days instead. You can still enjoy it and be there for the bride, but it won't be as long.

At 4 months breasts don't engorge quite as much as now, though. And if you pump at least as often as the baby feeds, it's likely that it will be ok.

Lweji · 11/07/2014 20:57

To freeze properly, it should be frozen very fresh. It would be better to freeze in cubes (or ice cube bags) rather than in bottles, as it freezes faster.

Mouthfulofquiz · 11/07/2014 21:11

I was always very much against leaving babies... But then I had to go into hospital when my little one was 15 months old - for 5 days. I was devastated - my DS barely noticed!!
He was breastfed too (bit obviously eating food too) and was fine on a bottle. I know four months is a lot younger, but his sense of time will be even less! The world won't end if he has a bit of formula too. The ready made up stuff is good to have in the cupboard for emergencies.
Enjoy it - you can come home early if you want to.

TarkaTheOtter · 11/07/2014 21:17

You can't take the baby on someone else's hen do.

Can you stay nearby with oh and pop back for feeds or not go as long.

If your body doesn't respond well to the pump and you aren't able to extract much milk you are going to be in agony with engorgement after only a few missed feeds.

stopgap · 11/07/2014 21:20

Introduce a bottle NOW. I'm EBF DS2, with a once-a-day pumping, and was told to introduce a bottle at three weeks, so that there's no issue with accepting one. I EBF DS1 for 20 months, with one bottle of breast milk per day, and did the same thing.

In any case, I've never left my three-year-old overnight, but that's mostly because my family is overseas. I would do it in a heartbeat. Enjoy!

DoJo · 11/07/2014 21:23

I found that the special breast milk bags worked well for my milk - they are really strong so don't split and they defrost really easily in a jug of warm water or the fridge.

Lweji · 11/07/2014 21:25

Regarding engorgement, manual expression can be much better than pumps. Only it's not so good for expressing into bottles. :)
But a nice warm bath or shower, a bit of massage and the right movements and it can flow very easily.

Pugaboo · 11/07/2014 21:29

Can you just go for 1 or 2 days? I'm guessing not...

Personally I wouldn't go, I would have been too worried about leaving/missing DS and him refusing the boob after 4 days straight on the bottle. I found 4 months a tough age mentally and physically (sleep regression/growth spurt) and would have liked a break - but not that kind. More a night in a local hotel type thing, or someone to take him for the afternoon as I had no help except from DH.

Incidentally my DH would not have gone away for 4 days then either, unless an essential work trip - he didn't want to leave us for that long. I first left him overnight at a year old for a work thing although had been on days/nights out from about 5 months.

Maybe if you don't go you could treat the bride to be to a girly night and both stay in a hotel locally?

what's with 4 day hen dos anyway

purplemurple1 · 11/07/2014 21:31

I left my 3 month old for 3 nights - but like you he wasn't alone or with a stranger he was with his other parent. Who is as sensible, loving and competent a parent as I am.

I missed ds but wasn't worried and it really helped us as a couple as OH really then understood how my days at home were.

NorksEnormous · 11/07/2014 21:31

DD is almost 2 and I still haven't managed to leave her for more than one night!! If you feel comfortable with it, then go and enjoy it. However you can't bring your baby to a hen weekend!!

Xmasbaby11 · 11/07/2014 21:35

4 days is a really long time to rely on a ebf baby to take a bottle. My mixed fed baby has been on bottle strike a couple of times and it was very stressful - only took breast for 1 or 2 days so was screaming with hunger. If it were me I would not enjoy being apart from my baby for so long, especially if you are a long way away - abroad? I would cancel and do something else with the friend.

Droflove · 11/07/2014 21:38

I would be totally fine with that. 4 months is an easy age to leave, it gets harder for a while when they are older so I would definitely go.

mumminio · 11/07/2014 21:38

I still can't do it. I'm not going to say how old my children are. You're not a bad mother, we're all different and we all mother differently. Do what works for you, and what you feel comfortable with.

If you're not comfortable leaving him, then don't. Remember there is Skype/email/etc now so you don't have to go without seeing your child at all.

sixlive · 11/07/2014 21:41

I would have felt awful engorged breats, I found pumping wasn't the same. Hen dos aren't really that important (to me) so I wouldn't. 4 months mine had growth spurts and were permanently attached to me.

DoJo · 11/07/2014 21:42

Could you introduce a noise or other other sensory experience when he is going to sleep now, so that he has other things that he associates with going to sleep rather than just breastfeeding. If he can hear a sound which he thinks of as meaning 'bed time' then he might find it easier to settle without feeding. We have Ewan the Dream sheep and even now at 2, when my son hears it he starts to migrate towards his bedroom!

WyrdByrd · 11/07/2014 21:49

From a purely practical POV, I wouldn't do it in your circumstances. It does sound like BF issues could be tricky & if it's really important to you it may be better not to take the risk.

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