To leave my 4 month DS for 4 nights

[ColdCottage]

I made a commitment when just pregnant to go away for 4 nights.
I wasn't sure how I would feel when DS arrived so thought I would book my flight and I could always not go or come home early (event is in France) if I needed to.

It is now 2 months away and I'm not sure what to do.

Part of me thinks "goodness how can I leave my baby" (PFB) and the other part thinks "he will be with his daddy and not notice I'm not there, plus the sun, wine and sleep will do me good".

I'm also EBF so am pumping to freeze for him.

Advice please.

When did you first leave your DC for more than one night? How did you feel?

[Happy36]

Hope you had a super time away and that your son and husband enjoyed their boy time too.

[Mim78]

I'm sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner with my positive experience. I'm bf right now!

[Happy36]

The "wisdom" I received and followed was not to leave them between 6-12 months (for periods longer than 48 hours). No idea whether that is accurate, but it seems to have been for us. I left both of mine before 4 months, with grandparents, uncle/aunt and Daddy and they never noticed I was gone. Everything was fine, and the same when their Dad had to go away.

You said your son will be with his father so my advice to you would be not to worry at all. They will have a great opportunity to spend time together as "men". Enjoy your trip.

[Catsize]

OP, I think you have made the right decision. You may not have enjoyed it anyway if you were worrying about child, feeding etc. At least this way you will be certain. Nice idea re:cousin. Do some different special things instead.

[Mim78]

I've just got back from 3 nights in Portugal with older dd leaving mixed fed (but boob preferring) ds with dh. He is 4 months.

All went absolutely fine. Ds quite happy with bottle - he usually has only 1-2 bottles per day but was fine with all bottles. I pumped to keep up supply while away and ds has just had a good feed. Remembered how to bf fine.

Dh is v confident with him and seemed to have no probs. yes I missed him ( baby and dh!) but it was ok.

Pumping was a bit boring but doable.

It was for my brother's wedding if anyone wonders. And if you really want to judge me I took dd (5) put of school for two days, which were approved, to do it.

[wigglylines]

ColdCottage that must have been a tough decision. I'm glad you have such lovely friends :)

What a lovely idea for you and her cousin to skype, such a nice thing to do.

Having to make these kind of decisions does suck, but FWIW I reckon you've made the right one.

[ColdCottage]

I have made the decision not to go. As much as I want to and know he will be fine even if there is a small risk of not being able to EBF on my return I'm not prepared to take it.

My friend was lovely about it as I knew she would be and I did cry as as she is one of my dearest friends and I have been planning this for her for months.

Her cousin who she is also very close to cant make it so I am going to invite her to mine and we will Skype in for one of the games (Mr & Mrs!) so we can share part of it with her.

At least I can make the wedding and there will be lots more girls weekends away.

[HamAndPlaques]

No problem, Cottage. I'm glad that you have such supportive friends. There is a wealth of knowledge on the feeding boards and you might find this recent thread useful - the poster was in a similar situation to you and there is some very good advice on the thread.

[ColdCottage]

I am lucky, the bride and my friends all said they would totally understand if I decided not to go or had to leave early to come home if I missed him too much.

I am very lucky as due to my back DS is very close to my mother and little sister and I have needed someone with me all the time so they have been taking turns. DS lights up when they arrive, especially with my mum. My DH has also been super hands on, changed more nappies than me (when I first hurt my back I couldn't bend to change nappies).

Think sadly I am leaning towards not going. Shame I didn't discover MN and all you kind helpful people before I booked my flight. It has been an education.

[ColdCottage]

Thank you for your advice Ham

I have now posted on the Breast feeding Topic ("will my supply dry up" don't know how to link).

I do really want to go, these are my closest friends and a few days of sun, wine and the girls would be great but I am most worried about being able to continue to feed DS on my return.

I know he will be totally fine and dandy (feeling a bit retro with 'dandy'!) with DH and my parents and sister.

Although I would be sad to miss the hen do I would be devastated if I could no longer feed DS.

When a physio told me I would have to stop feeding for my back to get better (another feed, suspected slipped disc when DS was 1 week, still on drugs and recovering) I'd been holding it together until then but that broke me - leading to 24h of tears.

(Fortunately physio was wrong and after speaking to the pharmacist at the BFnetwork, I was told I could go on diazepam for short periods and still BF).

[TheTertiumSquid]

Just to add - please check your frozen milk before you go away. Some women's milk contains higher levels of an enzyme that changes the fat to a soapy taste over time. When I defrosted my stored milk it was all soapy and my DS wouldn't touch it. I ended up pouring bags and bags of it down the sink (and nearly crying over it - due to the effort I had gone to to produce it!).

[Dinosaursdontgrowontrees]

From you last update I def wouldn't go, you can never predict what might happen with your supply and if you feel that strongly about it it's not worth it..

However just to add a positive story when I worked as a nanny my employer left her ebf baby at 5 months old for 10 days! She took her pump left me a freezer full of BM. She said she was prepared for the baby to not accept the breast on her return and was happy to give up bf if that was the case. Baby was fine and when she got back latched straight on like she'd never left!

[ItMustBeBedtimeSurely]

I wouldn't have gone away at this age. I was the main attachment figure to my babies - they're really close to their dad now, but as little babies I was the one they wanted. There's no way they could have understood I was just away for a few days. Four months was a tricky time for mine too. They both went through growth spurts (so CONSTANT feeding again) and sleep regressions at this age. No guarantee your baby will, but it's certainly not uncommon.

Also, the ebf. As others have said, you'd be seriously endangering bfing, which you've said is really important to you.

[newchronicles82]

Your baby is only 4 months old and relies upon you for comfort and food. Yes it wouldn't be as if you would be leaving him with a stranger, but it won't be the same for your DS, he will know you aren't there and it will be stressful for him.

Unless it was life or death situation I would not leave my baby that long.

[weasle]

OP your last message answers your question. No one can predict how/if your BF will survive a trip this long at a young age. If you were ambivalent about feeding and really wanted to go, then fine go. But if, like I would have been, you would be devastated if BF fails on your return then I wouldn't have thought it's worth the risk. Difficult as the risk can't be quantified but it is there.

When parenting a young baby you do sometime miss out on events but you have the consolation of a lovely baby!

I would have struggled for half a day away from baby at that age. The primeval urge to feed when engorged is quite strong and might ruin your trip. Your friends, even those who are mothers may not understand, and might pressure you to go, but you'll have lots of parenting issues you might do differently from them so one gets used to that!

I'd only go with baby (sounds quite an ideal set up in a villa) or have a nice lunch out with the hen in UK. She may understand one day!

[HamAndPlaques]

Cottage, you might find others' experiences if you post on the breast and bottle feeding board.

I'm afraid that if ebf is important to you then you need to be aware of the impact that it will have. I agree that your DS will probably be absolutely fine but you need to consider firstly how you will feel about pumping every few hours, including through the night, to maintain supply and ease your discomfort. You will need to make sure that you have a very efficient pump to remove as much milk as possible as you run the risk of blocked ducts and potentially mastitis. There will be an impact on your supply and you will need to take a 'babymoon' when you get back - loads of skin-to-skin with DS and feeding on demand. Bear in mind that four months is a typical growth spurt.

You mentioned the idea of pumping and bottle-feeding ebm for 48 hours as a test run. Please don't do this. You are still establishing your supply and this could derail you. Far better to continue with a regular bottle of ebm (but be prepared for the fact that some babies begin to refuse a bottle anyway).

I'm sorry if this sounds very negative. You absolutely would not be a bad mother if you went. Your DS will be with his dad and he will be fine. But you do need to be aware of these facts so that you can make an informed decision. Lastly, please only go if you want to. Going because you feel implicit or explicit pressure from your friends is the worst possible reason and will only leave you feeling resentful.

[ColdCottage]

Thank you all for your support the last 10 messages have helped me.

I think I am still concerned about EBF but am going to try suggestions and see how I feel nearer the time. Plus do some more research into the likelihood of him rejecting the breast on return.

Nothing would be worth that for me however much I love my friend.
Night night.

[Solasum]

I think you do not need to worry too much about whether a bottle would end up being preferred to you though. DS is bottle fed during workdays but not at evenings and weekends and has never refused bf.

[Solasum]

I am not sure if I can adequately describe how desperately I needed to feed EBF DS the first few times of being away from him for 8 hours. Even with expressing through the day. I had no concerns at all about his wellbeing. But by the end of the day I could think about was the next feed, as in spite of expressing I was still engorged and lumpy and itchy, for want of a better word. (Thankfully now he is older it has settled down a lot). I think it could make for a very miserable trip. As a pp said, you probably won't be able to pump as often as you would feed. Maybe try a 5 hours without feeding practice run?

[katienana]

Only if you like carting rock hard leaky tits roynd I left my 7 month old for 1 night for a hen and ended up hand expressing in a nightclub toilet with staff banging on the door convinced I was doing drugs as I'd been in there so long. Yoyr baby will probably be fine, you might not. I wouldn't risk it.

[PrincessOfChina]

I went away for three nights when DD was 11 weeks and it was fine.

Until then I was expressing around 50% of DD's feeds. I stopped that weekend and always used it as my mental stop point. I was engorged the first day but a hot shower and hand express sorted me out.

I, of course, missed DD but only really towards the end of the weekend. I was generally just thrilled to be with my friends, concentrating on doing something for me. I miss her more now that she's 3.

[Andrewofgg]

Took charge of my (ff) DS for three nights when he was two months old. I loved it and so far as I could tell so did he.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

I wouldn't do it if you're breastfeeding. It will be awful. The emotional side of being apart from the baby could well be OK and you're the best person to judge but you just sensibly leave a breastfed baby for that long. Your breasts will be so engorged and uncomfortable and pumping won't be the same.

[Catsize]

I have a four month old, this afternoon, I went out for four hours. On the one hand, it was nice but I felt in a rush to get back. The cavewoman thing I guess. Also, DD was unsettled all afternoon whilst I was out. We mustn't forget we have babies who do not realise they were born into 2014 and they just think 'agh, milk source has disappeared and other parent doesn't smell right'. Or something.

[Shouldwego]

If I were you I'd go Saturday to Monday like some of the others. 4 days is quite a long time especially if ebf is important to you.

Have fun!