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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let him back in the house!

156 replies

nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 08:55

My husband has gone away for a week, he has taken his bank card and his tablet (our way of transferring money) and has left the kids and I with NOT A PENNY to buy food or nappies or anything.

Who does something like that?

The earliest I am going to be able to speak to him is at 7pm tonight and that is only if he answers his messages (which he conveniently hasn't all morning)

I am SO angry with him!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 12/05/2014 08:56

He just up and left?

Forgettable · 12/05/2014 08:57

Oh dear

Have you family or friends to sub from for today?

Do you not have access to any money at all, no joint account or anything?

softlysoftly · 12/05/2014 08:58

Do you have a bank card but there is no money in the account?

It depends really if this is an oversight and he hasn't realised there is no money in the account (I have done this, DH doesn't know the access codes through his own crap memory).

Or does he have form for keeping you short and this is deliberate?

YABU / YANBU dependent on the above!

bigfuckoffpie · 12/05/2014 08:59

If he's away with work I'd try contacting his company saying it is an emergency and he needs to call you, and also try to the hotel he's in with the same.

What happened? Did he forget or is it malicious?

Mouthfulofquiz · 12/05/2014 09:02

What are the circumstances here? Why haven't you got access to your own / family money?

LiberalLibertine · 12/05/2014 09:02

Surely he knew the situation? I'd be beyond fucking livid.

Agree to ringing the company and anyone else you have to to get hold of him, if he doesn't answer his messages.

shoppingfrenzy · 12/05/2014 09:07

There must be more to this than you're saying. Why don't you have a bank card? Do you have to rely on him to give you every penny you spend?

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 09:07

He knows full well I have no money. I do have access to my family money as we 'share' by all intents and purposes the two cards and use whichever is suitable to us at that time. I would think (obviously crazy) that he would take the card with a small amount of money on it and leave the other card for me to buy food for the kids etc.

But no, he has just jollied off first thing in the morning without a second glance and taken ALL our money. I will survive beg/steal/borrow but I shouldn't have to.

I just hate that he is so selfish in his thoughts about stuff like this.

OP posts:
ladyandthelamp · 12/05/2014 09:08

Where has he gone? Can he come back early to bring the card to you?

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 09:08

I do have a bankcard, there is no money on it (as he is well aware) we have no secrets we share everything, it so happens that the Monday TC fall in his bank account and we transfer amounts to the nursery/my card or use his cards as well see fit.

Unfortunately today he has decided to just leave with the bankcard and not make a transfer. Probably an oversight but he should be thinking about US more than that rather than just about HIM.

OP posts:
Tobagostreet · 12/05/2014 09:09

Can you ask a neighbour or friend if you can use their tablet/pc for 5 mins to log into bank account and transfer money? Just make sure you don't click 'remember me' on the login page?

Surely this was an oversight?

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 09:09

No hes gone a 2hr drive away and he doesn't drive. I'll get hold of him tonight (I hope) and get him to transfer some money. Right now I need to find something to do with the children and cobble together some food for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 09:10

I need the key-card thingy to do that, which he also has in his bag!

The only place I can transfer money is on his tablet which is usually here but he's taken it as he is away for a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 09:10

Okay so maybe I can't kick him out forever (as its an oversight) but can I lock the door and go to bed as an 'oversight' when he gets home?

OP posts:
LiberalLibertine · 12/05/2014 09:11

Ah right, if it's just a case of him forgetting to transfer, he will probably do it this morning when he remembers no?

LiberalLibertine · 12/05/2014 09:11

Can't you do an online shop? Do you have the other card number?

Forgettable · 12/05/2014 09:12

Oh goodness, it sounds like this isn't an unusual occurence either

He has form for ignoring calls and messages from you as well.

And you have already found him to be selfish in other matters, thoughless towards his family

Sad
CoffeeTea103 · 12/05/2014 09:13

Can't you go to an Internet cafe and just use the computer there to transfer, or even use a friends? So this is him being forgetful?

mrsbucketxx · 12/05/2014 09:15

Do you not have an overdraft option on Your card, if not call your bank to arange one, and get your dh to pay you back when you see him.

Id be livid if this was me.

HecatePropylaea · 12/05/2014 09:15

What a bugger for you. I know it's easy done when you're rushing around in the morning to forget about something that you would think would be bloody obvious! I've done it myself.

can't you use some other device with internet access to log on to the bank account and transfer the money? Does it have to be the tablet? I'm just thinking that I can log on to my bank from my phone, the laptop, pc and tablet. Or do you not have the login details?

as a longer term thing, maybe the tax credits could go into a different account to which you both have constant access? Or if it is that you don't know the login, change that so that you do! I know that doesn't solve your problem today, but once you have dealt with this, you might want to work out a way to ensure that if a mistake is made again, it doesn't leave one or other of you up shit creek.

I hope he gets back to you sooner than 7pm and sorts it out.

HecatePropylaea · 12/05/2014 09:16

sorry, xpost with you saying why it has to be the tablet.

I would change that for the future. Again, bugger all help right now but it stops this happening again.

softlysoftly · 12/05/2014 09:20

Forgettable where do you get that he is selfish / ignores messages etc from?

I think YABU its a mistake, one I myself have made if he's gone off early to work he could have been rushing or anything. You must have something to make do with today in the cupboard and then keep trying to get hold of him and he can transfer this evening.

CarbeDiem · 12/05/2014 09:21

Ywnbu.

This goes beyond selfish, I'd be furious with him.
He should have made sure before leaving that you had what you needed.

Forgettable · 12/05/2014 09:22

From the posts here on this very thread by OP

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 09:28

He can be thoughtless and that is what winds me up. He will always put himself/his work/his study first which can be infuriating for me because I always put the kids first but I suppose that is the balance.

I wouldn't have taken the card unless I had already transferred the money so I knew him and the kids were okay, it annoys me (probably U) that I have to seek him out and remind him whilst aware that if I can't find him we are screwed for the day.

Anyway I sent a shitty message to his work colleague (who we know really well it won't create issues for him) saying that he needs to transfer money now because I am stuck with nothing and he has got back to me and said its done.

So crisis averted (thank goodness) but I do wish I didn't have to chase him on such simple matters.

Does anyone else have a DH who is totally on the ball with work related stuff, meets all his deadlines and always looks smart for work but just fails to be as organised in every day life? It is infuriating!

OP posts: