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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let him back in the house!

156 replies

nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 08:55

My husband has gone away for a week, he has taken his bank card and his tablet (our way of transferring money) and has left the kids and I with NOT A PENNY to buy food or nappies or anything.

Who does something like that?

The earliest I am going to be able to speak to him is at 7pm tonight and that is only if he answers his messages (which he conveniently hasn't all morning)

I am SO angry with him!

OP posts:
drspouse · 12/05/2014 10:45

Yes it is capable of Online banking but you need the little login-pin thingy to do that and I don't have it.

It is pretty easy to get several of these. I think we have about 5. If you have 2 accounts you should have 2 of these.

It does sound pretty chaotic to only have 1 card on the account and no money in it.

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 10:47

Well maybe it is chaotic but it works when we work together and don't bugger off to the other side of the county without bothering to transfer anything!

OP posts:
MyFirstName · 12/05/2014 10:47

Yesterday DH was going for a run. He was going to grab his keys. I said don't worry, I will put some in x for you (our normal place if we need to hide keys) as I was going out with DCs.

I forgot. (I could lay down lots of reason...DCs being painful/distractions etc etc)

He was furious with me. Or with the situation. Really angry. (Other stuff going on so kind of misplaced, understandable anger) .

I understandable was really pissed off. I came home apologising. I had fucked up. Hadn't meant to forget to leave the keys. But I had forgotten.

I can totally understand why you are furious. It is hugely inconvenient. If not done with malice though just cut him a bit of slack. As you yourself know....trying to hold any coherent thought with DCs in the house can sometimes be a challenge.

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 10:48

It is exactly that sort of situation yes My

anyway regardless of how pissed off I am with him now, I will be pretty past it by Thursday night when he gets home I think! So no harm done.

OP posts:
softlysoftly · 12/05/2014 10:51

nomore we have 3 accounts so I can see how it happens 1 to save money, 1 bills, 1 day to day. All joint but DH NEVER remembers the log in.

On the flipside I don't think this means hr doesn't think about you and the kids. When people are busy they have what they are doing in their heads and make mistakes. I've gone to a meeting and had DH calling me saying he's put fuel in the car and the card has declined because I forgot a transfer/DD has come out.

conversely I've got to his mum's to pick the kids up to find he's blithely gone off to work with the kids car seats instead of leaving them.

It happens, it's annoying but human don't read too much into it unless it's part of a bigger issue you need to resolve.

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 10:51

will definitely look into getting another key-card thingy.

OP posts:
youwish · 12/05/2014 10:52

YABU.didnt you have ANY food in your fridge/cupboard to survive for 1 day??he fixed it as soon as he knee about it,it was just a mistake,happens to everyone.

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 10:52

so to summarise;

IWBU to lock him out of the house

IANBU to have a good rant about the inconvienence of it all!

OP posts:
Nocomet · 12/05/2014 10:53

FFS open a proper joint account with ordinary debit cards and make sure you keep a months money in it!
(Even if this means a few months saving to build it up).

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 10:54

we live hand to mouth, this 'saving' thing is for people much better off than us!

We can't get a joint account at the moment because of our financial situation. We will sort one out in time.

OP posts:
grocklebox · 12/05/2014 10:54

Well whatever you are using to type on here, if not your phone! If you can set up a tablet to not need the pin generator, ypu can set up another device as well. Or get another one.
You wouldnt be posting this if you had a handle on ypur money.

And dont send "shitty messages" to other people because you are pissed iff with your partner. Thats appalling behaviour.

SanityClause · 12/05/2014 10:55

I feel your pain, OP.

I have the only working cash card between the two of us. DH has had so much trouble getting one from the bank, he has just given up trying. So, if he wants to get cash, he has to take mine.

This is rare, but it when it happens, he often forgets to put it back in my purse, but will put it in another "safe place", so I don't have it when I need it. Or, he will ask me to get cash, as I have the card, and it's a bit annoying that he can't just do it himself.

Our finances work just fine. He is not financially abusing me, any more than your DH is you. We don't need a different setup for our accounts and money.

But it's still a PITA when it happens.

I'm pleased you're sorted, now.

MyFirstName · 12/05/2014 10:56

nomore a good rant is fantastically theurapeutic sometimes. Just best sometimes to do it here. Then deep breath and move on.

(oh and as PP...and use the situation to realise that you need a solution to your banking 'ishooos Grin)

Have some [tea] and Cake

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 10:57

grockle I really can't explain the mobile device/key card thing for your again, please re-read my posts if you are having trouble with them.

I often send his work colleague messages if I can't get hold of him, mostly because he is monuementally un-contactable!

OP posts:
Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 10:58

Yes a rant is therapuetic, trying to explain myself a million times to people intend on not understanding the situation is proving not to be though!

OP posts:
grocklebox · 12/05/2014 10:59

Ive read them thanks, but clearly you dont really understand your own money set up very well.

Sending a please ask x to call me text is very different to what you sent. Drawing others into your arguments is really off.

Nicknacky · 12/05/2014 10:59

Bu if he is at work, that's maybe why he is uncontactable? What is so important that you frequently have to text his colleague?

I would be less than impressed if I was used as a go-between for someone I work with and his partner.

BeggingYouForBirdseed · 12/05/2014 11:02

nomore glad your crisis has been averted. YWNBU to be furious with him, he does need to put his kids first and that means being a bit more organised and reminding himself to transfer money.

I wish posters would read the OPs updates so she doesn't have to keep repeating herself! Also YWNBU to give him an earful when he gets home! I know I would!

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 11:04

grockle let me say it one more time slllooowllly

We have two bank accounts

we cannot have a joint bank account (we have tried)

we have a device with mobile banking set up which is usually at home

we have two computers for which you need a keycard to use the banking

I am not my husband so cannot use his internet banking

the tax credits have come into my husbands account this morning

he has taken his bank card and the keycard to work with him (probably not on purpose)

I cannot transfer money as I usually would because the keycard and the tablet are with him (because he is staying away for a week)

Usually we would just transfer money or use the card with money on it.

It's really not 'that' hard to understanding, its a normal set up for people without a joint account.

The issue is that he didn't transfer money over when he took the card this morning, he forgot/had other things to do/assumed the keycard was here.

Yes I am going to contact his mate and tell him to get in touch urgently because I have no money and I'm pissed off about it. That is okay, that is the relationship we have.

I hope that is clearer for you. I think the answer to stop it happening again would be to point out to DH that he needs to take control of the money transfer if he has both the tablet and the card and also get another keycard thing sent to us.

OP posts:
Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 11:05

I haven't 'frequently' texted his colleague, I sent him one message today and I think the last time I needed to contact him was six months ago when the car broke down and I needed to find a way of collecting the children from nursery. Its hardly frequent!

Gosh you lot are hard work!

OP posts:
Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 11:06

I am not my husband so cannot use his telephone banking that should say. I use his internet banking all the time when he doesn't bugger off with the means to do so

Grumble.

OP posts:
grocklebox · 12/05/2014 11:07

Oh lord, I give up. You have entirely ignored what I said. Grow up and yourself out, you have the life of a teenager.

ProfessorBranestawm · 12/05/2014 11:07

FWIW I use natwest online banking (as does DH - and like you we don't have a joint account, just freely move money in between accounts as and when needed) and we don't need the card reader or VPNs and stuff to transfer to each other - very easy and convenient. Might be worth finding out at some point if there's a way you can do it more easily if the way your bank does it is a PITA.

Speaking of PITAs - sorry your DH is one. How very thoughtless of him :(

Nicknacky · 12/05/2014 11:10

You did say you "often" text him. That came across as more than two texts in 6 months.

Original poster
nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 11:10

Thanks Professor will look at that when we finally get round to getting a joint account.

grockle you are being obtuse and absurd, you've not said anything to me I have ignored you have just asked the same questions over and over again and seem (insanely) invested in my life.

I wish I had the life of a teenager! Things were a lot simpler then. I have the life of a busy mum with fuck all money and lots of things to juggle, life was much, much easier as a teenager!

OP posts: