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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be able to get into a routine? Please help me!

169 replies

strugglingtodoitall · 01/05/2014 16:00

Since September DS has started school, and husband got a new job in the city centre with no available parking so I now have to drop him and collect him from work (we also have a 6 month old). Mornings are not a problem as DH starts at 9.15am so I can drop DS at school then DH at work and am back home with baby by 9.30am. But I am finding evenings hard, 3.30pm pick DS up, back home by 3.45pm, leave at 5.15pm to pick DH up and back home by 6.15 pm. DS needs 12 hours sleep on average, but takes about an hour to actually fall asleep, and I am struggling to fit in dinner, bath (every other night) and bed. I know everyone who works full time must do this every day, but what ever routine I try it does not work. I have tried 4pm dinner but baby sleeps through it most days and he is weaning so needs to eat too, and 6.15 bath, DS gets to bed on time but me and DH still need to eat. I have tried bath after school (does not matter if baby sleeps through this) and 6.45pm dinner but DS is so tired does not eat much and takes ages to get to bed as baby takes ages mushing food into his highchair and dinner seems to last for ever. Is there any way to get DS in bed by 7?? Help!!

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 01/05/2014 16:08

Why can't your DH just use transport and come home instead of you lugging everyone off on this pickup mission??

Original poster
strugglingtodoitall · 01/05/2014 16:12

I have asked him this and he won't :( I guess if it was the other way round I would expect him to pick me up instead of waiting for a bus to get home. I wish he would just get the bus though.....

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 01/05/2014 16:14

Sorry op but he is being really selfish to expect you to drag your DS and the little baby along just because he wants the convenience.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/05/2014 16:15

Your problem isnt the routine, my dear, it is your DH.

My Dh Doesnt drive and manages to get himself to work and back every day, and pretty much go where he wants whenever he wants without requiring me to drop and collect him.

As the daytime works for you, by all means keep dping that, but the evening doesnt work for anyone in your house except him.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/05/2014 16:16

If you wont change the evening pick up (and I mean if your dh will stop being a knob), id feed the dcs earlier. Say 4.30.

Once home, slice of toast each for the littlies, dh do bathtime and bed while you make dinner for the two of you.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/05/2014 16:17

The problem is your DH. Why won't he get transport? Tell him tough. He's being selfish.

OnaPromise · 01/05/2014 16:18

You need to be having words. He needs to bloody well get the bus!

OnaPromise · 01/05/2014 16:19

You are running yourself ragged.

PollyIndia · 01/05/2014 16:23

What about cycling if he doesn't want to get public transport every day?
It is mental having to race out to pick him up every night. Like having another child!
Can't you guys have your dinner when both the DC are in bed? Unless it's the weekend, my 18 month old DS has tea at 5pm then I eat at 8 when he's gone to bed and I've cooked.

Mouthfulofquiz · 01/05/2014 16:24

I'm afraid he needs to get the bus!!

Georgethesecond · 01/05/2014 16:25

Bus

No doubt about it

Just don't go and get him, it's completely under your control!

Original poster
strugglingtodoitall · 01/05/2014 16:26

Baby does not settle until around 10pm so don't fancy eating then, I used to eat with DC at 5pm before and save some for DH when he got in at about 6pm before I had to start dropping him and collecting him. He never does bath or bedtime either, too busy on the laptop working still so I am left to do all this plus the stupid evening pick up of 'the third child'. Grrrrr....

OP posts:
Original poster
strugglingtodoitall · 01/05/2014 16:27

Last time I told him to get the bus he took his bike instead, and had an asthma attack on the way home. I don't know what he has got against the bus, he said it is too expensive??

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/05/2014 16:28

Just say 'no' to him!

He doesn't do bath and bed either? Well he needs to buck his ideas up OP and trackside you aren't bloody superwoman and can't do everything!

Just refuse to pick him up. He won't have a choice!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/05/2014 16:28

Trackside?? Realise, even.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/05/2014 16:29

Jesus Christ, what a catch!

Does he do stuff with/for the kids on the weekend?

iwantsun · 01/05/2014 16:30

It is not a routine you need. Sorry, your DH is a selfish git. Tell the lazy waste of space to get the bloody bus

Scarletohello · 01/05/2014 16:32

Hmmm why are these threads never about the presenting issue and always about the man...?

Another vote for him getting the bus!

ShatterResistant · 01/05/2014 16:33

Bus can't be more expensive than petrol and wear and tear on the car for this daily trip, surely? Not to mention the other "cost": stress for you...

iwantsun · 01/05/2014 16:36

Do you like your DH? He sounds pretty awful I am sorry to say

Original poster
strugglingtodoitall · 01/05/2014 16:36

Wow I thought people would tell me they manage to work full time and do evening routine so I was being unreasonable, DH makes me feel that way when I moan I find it difficult picking him up. He thinks I have it easy being at home.....

Sounds like I should just leave him at work tonight, maybe I could 'forget' I was supposed to pick him up haha.

I don't think that would go down well though.

I just feel in am impossible situation. DS is more than happy to eat at 4pm as he is starving after school and asks for never ending snacks, but baby is fast asleep from the school run, and if I try and wake baby he is too grumpy to eat. I wish I could find a solution. I don't really want to do separate eating times for DS and baby and then me and DH so not really sure what to do (other than leave DH at work lol).

OP posts:
HopeClearwater · 01/05/2014 16:36

Had an asthma attack on the way home? Pah. Exercise is good for asthma. Tell him to take his meds and man up. I suppose buses give him asthma too.

HopeClearwater · 01/05/2014 16:37

I wish I could find a solution.

Plenty offered above.

I cannot believe you have tied yourself to being a chauffeur for your DH. He is being unreasonable. Not you.

iwantsun · 01/05/2014 16:37

You know the answer, tell the selfish git to make his own way home

iwantsun · 01/05/2014 16:39

He thinks I have it easy being at home.....

This shows what sort of man he is, can you not see it?