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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you don't conceive within about 3 months...

185 replies

DaftOne · 18/02/2014 13:03

... It's likely that you're going to take a long time to conceive?

Posting here rather than conception as just want an open and honest conversation. Really don't want to upset anyone.

Totally anecdotal. It just seems to me that of the people I know, they either get pregnant immediately every time or they have long struggles on their hands. There don't seem to be many "in betweenies" who take between 4-10 months. I'm basically wondering if statistics are misleading, comprising of averaging out those who get pregnant immediately and those who take ages and ages.

(TTC 5 months now and a bit impatient... Can you tell?)

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 18/02/2014 13:06

I think it's a very valid question - part of me thinks if you are ovulating and having regular sex then why wouldn't you get pregnant straight away? If the egg is there and the sperm is there then it makes sense a pregnancy would occur? I know it isn't this black and white but I often wonder what determines whether an egg gets fertilised or not if both the egg and sperm are there together??

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 18/02/2014 13:07

I'm an inbetweeny.

My problem is getting them to stick once we've made them.

BreconBeBuggered · 18/02/2014 13:08

YA definitely BU. And a bit daft. Anecdotally from my experience, most people are 'in betweenies'. Good luck with TTC, and the thread.

soverylucky · 18/02/2014 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wishingchair · 18/02/2014 13:09

I took 4, 3 and 7 cycles. So am an inbetweeny

akachan · 18/02/2014 13:10

I've heard this said quite often but no idea if it's actually true. If everything is ok and you get the sperm and egg together then I think there's about a 33% chance so I suppose there is some sense to the idea that after 3 lot's of people should have got it. Dunno.

I conceived in the third month, one of my friends it took 13, not sure about my other mates. You could probably use the bus threads on the conception board and count the number of BFPs from different cycle numbers.

Supercalafraga · 18/02/2014 13:10

YABU most people I know took between 6 months - 1 year. I took 8 months (and hadn't been on the pill for years!)

Just be patient - turned out all I needed was a relaxing holiday Wink

akachan · 18/02/2014 13:10

Sorry about the terrible syntax and misplaced apostrophe above.

MangoBiscuit · 18/02/2014 13:10

It took us 3 months for DD1, then over 2 years for DD2, but that probably wasn't helped by decreased frequency some months due to there being a DD1 !

Groovee · 18/02/2014 13:11

It took me 9 months with ds.

I remember my GP telling me to come back after 6 months and he would run some tests. I never went. But had read somewhere that many people take up to 6 months to conceive when they start trying.

There was also something else I read that only 1 in 6 conceptions go on to a live baby and most women don't know as they get a period which may only be a day or 2 late!

SJisontheway · 18/02/2014 13:11

It took me 4 months the first time, then straight away for the next 2. Despite having a regular cycle I was miscalculating when to try. Using an ovulation test helped me conceive straight away. I know I am very fortunate and didn't have fertility issues, but it took 4 attempts first time round.

chosenone · 18/02/2014 13:11

Dc1 - 9 months. Dc2- 1 month. Most people I know either less than 4 months or over 10 ....so maybe.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 18/02/2014 13:11

Mine took 6 months, then 3 for DC 2 (if you don't count the months with no pill but also no AF due to BF, then about 10 of "seeing what happens" not actively ttc for DC3... so I think you are unlikely to be correct, but not U for asking...

YouStayClassySanDiego · 18/02/2014 13:12

It took me 9 months to get pregnant with ds1.

We then had 2 more after him, there's 4 years between ds1 and 3.

Good luck!

Groovee · 18/02/2014 13:12

Also while ttc Ds, my dad was really ill. He had his transplant in the January, I conceived in the February. I think the pressure which had been on me with my dad was suddenly over and I relaxed and it happened.

Writerwannabe83 · 18/02/2014 13:13

akachan - but if the egg and sperm are both together at the right time and in the right place then why is there only a 33% chance of conception occurring?? Unless there are undiagnosed fertility issues why is it not 100%?

BTW - I'm being rhetorical, I don't expect you to know the answer or even if there is one Grin It's just a thought that always occurs to me Smile

Original poster
DaftOne · 18/02/2014 13:14

Normal, sorry for your losses. Ha, Brecon obviously I want to be being unreasonable - though can see why you think i'm being daft. I know there will be e.g.s of people getting preg at all stages - I suppose I just wondered if the stats so often quoted really gave a true picture as so often stats are misleading. But I do agree in general what i'm asking is silly. Once again I really don't mean to offend - goodness knows it's a sensitive issue.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 18/02/2014 13:15

Unless as Grovee says, maybe the rate of fertilisation is actually very high but they go on to be chemical pregnancies and so when the woman has her period she just assumes she didn't conceive even though she had?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 18/02/2014 13:16

For me, I seem to be as you say. The only time I didn't fall pregnant pretty much straight away there was a health issue and I got pregnant as soon as it was sorted.

My SIL has taken up to a year each time. No fertility issues, and no big long struggles. It just doesn't seem to happen first time for her for whatever reason.

Then my sister who needed fertility treatment first time and then got pregnant by surprise with her second because she didn't think she needed to be too careful.

Bodies are weird. I think there are plenty of people in each camp.

5 months is frustrating, because the fun has kind of worn off TTC but there's still no reason to worry and nothing you can really do to speed things up.

Kittymalinky · 18/02/2014 13:16

My DD was an inbetweenie. 6 months to conceive, although saying that for some of those it was impossible to dtd some of the months due to my DH shift pattern

PGTip · 18/02/2014 13:21

16 months dc1, 7 months (mc) & 9 months dc2

Velma67 · 18/02/2014 13:22

I think it might also depend on what you mean by trying to conceive. If you are actively using ovulation sticks and counting dates and stuff like that, then there is a good chance that the sperm and egg will be together at the same time.

If you are just having sex without contraception, then it may take longer, unless you are at it like rabbits. Anecdotally, DC2 took 6 months (compared to 2 months with DC1) but I suspect that with a toddler in the house, we were both too knackered and there were fewer opportunities to conceive, hence why it took longer.

piratedinosaursgogogo · 18/02/2014 13:24

Within my group of friends, people either fell pregnant straight away or took a long time and needed fertility treatment. I fell into the latter category and ended up adopting.

I'm not sure about the science behind it but my dh and I had one egg out of six fertilize on our first round of ICSI, and zero fertilization on the second. Apparently my eggs and his sperm just don't like each other 'on a genetic level' (consultant's words) and couldn't even get on when the sperm was injected directly into the egg. We took the hint and that's why we adopted Smile

Dwerf · 18/02/2014 13:25

children 1, 2 and 4 were concieved very speedily (days or weeks). Number three took over a year. I think it was a hold-over from the contraceptive jab. I'd just about given up, went for a smear test and bam. Next month I was pregnant.

polarpercy · 18/02/2014 13:26

writer I think it is because there are a range of factors that can affect conception including; quality of the egg and sperm that makes it (not all are genetically viable), site of implantation, time it takes to implant, quality of the uterine lining (too thick, too thin, scaring) and position of implantation for example. Then there is also, as you mentioned, early miscarriages/chemical pregnancies, it is thought that these occur when a sperm fertilises an egg in less than optimal circumstances

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