to think that if you don't conceive within about 3 months...

[DaftOne]

... It's likely that you're going to take a long time to conceive?

Posting here rather than conception as just want an open and honest conversation. Really don't want to upset anyone.

Totally anecdotal. It just seems to me that of the people I know, they either get pregnant immediately every time or they have long struggles on their hands. There don't seem to be many "in betweenies" who take between 4-10 months. I'm basically wondering if statistics are misleading, comprising of averaging out those who get pregnant immediately and those who take ages and ages.

(TTC 5 months now and a bit impatient... Can you tell?)

Inbetweenie here. No problems getting pregnant, lots of problems making them stick.

Just RTFT and realised I'm probably talking about the same show as PinkParsnips.

The programme really does illustrate so well what sleepyhead says in her post:

Honestly, when you realise all the ducks that have to be lined up in a row for a baby to result it's a wonder that there are any at all!

A very long 4 months for DC1, about 6 months for DC2 and I have no idea for DC3 - under a year but we weren't really trying, just not preventing.

There is exactly 4 Years 1 month between DC1 and DC3, but the gap should have been less, but DC1 was born 5 weeks early.

Thanks for sympathetic replies.

I fear I'm one of those women who doesn't like waiting for stuff/not being in control. Definitely need to work on my patience!

ViviPru haven't seen that doc but would be v interested to!

1 shag
DH was - especially as I had my head in a bucket before I even got a BFP !

I find it baffling that people are surprised not to conceive quickly. It's a shame because it puts a lot of women through the mill when 2 months into trying, they're despondent and symptom spotting like crazy. As others have explained, there is a lot that has to go right to conceive. 33% is really the very best chance. Most people have around a 25% of conceiving if they have sex at exactly the right time and give sperm and egg perfect opportunity to meet.

It's entirely possible according to research that up to 50% of all cycles in a woman ttc result in a chemical pregnancy. So it's obvious that the sperm and egg getting together isn't all that's needed. You chuck in implantation problems, chromosomal issues, chance other defects, luteal phase defects, mistimed sex, people not understanding their own cycles, uterine scarring and a whole host of other things, you can see why it's utterly normal for it to take 12 months sometimes. In the rest of Europe, most countries actually advise to give it 24 months.

I think people not understanding conception doesn't help either. I had a friend who was ttc and having really regular sex from day 12 through to day 16 and failing to get pregnant. All fertility tests started coming back. No problems found. It turned out she ovulated on day 10 and by day 12, she'd missed the window completely. She just assumed that all women ovulate on day 14. I had another friend who religiously followed her OPKs and thought the surge was proof she was ovulating. She wasn't.

It turned out she ovulated on day 10 and by day 12, she'd missed the window completely.

I've heard regularly taking your temp. helps, when your temp is slightly elevated during rest, it's the 'best bit' of the ovulation window.

6 months for ds1; 7 months for ds2.

it depends on your knowledge of conception - was discussing with a friend and we were both to discover than until we started to TTC in our 30s, neither of us realised that there is an optimum time of the month to do so! Just shagging - took a while. Using an ovulation kit - straight away.

I can only find it in low res but I promise it really is well worth watching. If you can find a decent quality one then that would be better, but if not, here it is...

Inside The Human Body : Creation

The best bit is the animation of the sperms journey from 6'17" in. If you only watch that bit, it's worth it.

Showy I know what you mean and I do understand all that. Equally, I am baffled that my friend has got pregnant "first try" three times in a row. I mean taking into account all that you say in your post, that really is extraordinary isn't it? Yet it seems to be that way for a significant number of women. And DH's parents claim that DH and his two siblings were all accidents - I mean, how?!?! Am not expecting a serious answer to that, and I do understand all the factors, but really the mind does boggle.

I was an inbetweeny. After 4 cycles, I got some OPKs. Turned out I was ovulating later than I thought, and I got pregnant that month. So 5 cycles for me.

I suspect we get this impression because people are more likely to mention it if pregnancy happens quickly or takes a while, but not if it's in between. But I could be wrong!

falulah the temperature rise ocurrs after ovulation so that day or the day after might be ok but it's more helpful to look for egg white cervical mucus which happens just before ovulation. Then the temperature confirms it

I hear what you're saying about needing to feel in control, OP. I'm a massive control freak someone who struggles when there are factors outside of my control. That show helped me accept that even with positive OPK, EWCM-a-go-go and a tailwind, it really is so so much to chance...

I suspect we get this impression because people are more likely to mention it if pregnancy happens quickly or takes a while, but not if it's in between.

I thought that too

4 DCs. First 3 conceived within 2 months of trying each time. Fast forward 15 years (and a new DH) and its taken us 2 years of ttc. DD born 2 weeks ago

I'd like to just say to anyone ttc and getting frustrated, that having learned ALLOT about the fertility and ttc, it seems one basic mistake commonly made is simply the timing of sex. For months we were aiming around day 14 of my cycle, which, it turned out, was 2/3 days too early, because my cycle is 30/31 days long. No matter how long your cycle is, you will usually be ovulating 14 days before your period normally starts. Get to know your cycle and count backwards 14 days from when you know your period is due to find ovulation day.

HTH anyone.

All the info you can read about TTC is the best thing to do is have regular sex every other day from around day 7 or 8. Many people who struggle do so because they don't have regular sex apparently.

So if you have that bit cracked and you have no fertility problems then relax and enjoy the process!

Thanks for the link ViviPru.

Off topic a bit but given how many factors have to be right for conception to take place, I think it's a miracle it ever happens!

On topic, I know people who conceived on honeymoon, people who took about 6-9 months and people like me who ended up having assisted conception after a year of trying. At the time we were all mid thirties. The oldest of us who is now 42 was the one who got pregnant first time and has had 2 more since then, roughly one every 16 months. Nature very odd.

Given my experience if you are 35 or over and it hasn't happened in a month or so, consider going to your GP in case you need intervention. Although you may not need it (over 35 average time to conceive said to be 1 year), it gets the ball rolling if you want anyinterventions.
Fingers crossed it happens for you soon OP!

I conceived ds after 6 months and dd after 8 or 9 I can't remember. Aged 24 and 28.

Shock horror, could it be that an online statistical analysis is not going to speed things up for me after all? [Smile] Guess I'm just going to have to relax and learn how to be patient!

Ha ha ha yes it is frustrating and wanting answers is normal but this is the human body we are talking about and it's a very strange thing!

I've noticed the same OP. Most people I know seem to get pregnant in 1-3 months, or it takes a long time and often some assistance. I know very few people in the inbetweeny camp.

It took us 28 cycles and IVF to get pregnant (ended in mc) and then another 10 cycles (including 3 more cycles of IVF) to get this pregnancy (fingers crossed this one continues). We are unexplained - all our (many) tests came back normal. By the time we reached the IVF stage, we were not trying naturally that hard, although we still gave it a half hearted go. But in the pre-IVF stage, for the first 27 cycles of ttc, sperm should have had an opportunity to meet egg on every single one. I was ovulating very regularly (I knew when from opks, temping and ov pains, and the timing was later confirmed by cycle monitoring), my tubes were clear, he had viable swimmers and we dtd in the fertile window every single bloody month. I have no idea why it didn't work. The first time sperm and egg were put together in a lab, bam, BFP. The next two cycles gave me chem pregs and the fourth cycle another BFP. So clearly there was some undiagnosed issue stopping sperm and egg meeting.

falulah that's not quite right. The progesterone released after ovulation causes your temp to rise a little. In fact, it often dips slightly around ovulation. Temping is useful for getting to know your cycle.

5 TTC years for DD1. My subsequent pregnancies were not planned but very welcome none the less.

A year for me, hoping the next one isn't as long but it could be. My DH quitting smoking is what I think changed things for me.