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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that if you don't conceive within about 3 months...

185 replies

DaftOne · 18/02/2014 13:03

... It's likely that you're going to take a long time to conceive?

Posting here rather than conception as just want an open and honest conversation. Really don't want to upset anyone.

Totally anecdotal. It just seems to me that of the people I know, they either get pregnant immediately every time or they have long struggles on their hands. There don't seem to be many "in betweenies" who take between 4-10 months. I'm basically wondering if statistics are misleading, comprising of averaging out those who get pregnant immediately and those who take ages and ages.

(TTC 5 months now and a bit impatient... Can you tell?)

OP posts:
JabberJabberJay · 18/02/2014 13:27

Even if you are both healthy and time it exactly right, the chances you will conceive are still only about 33%.

DC1 we tried for 7 months. DC2 I got pg the first go.

elliejjtiny · 18/02/2014 13:27

I've been pregnant 8 times

7 cycles
4 cycles
0 cycles
2 cycles
1 cycle
0 cycles
0 cycles

So I've been an in betweenie and conceived quickly

DaftOne · 18/02/2014 13:28

I suppose by TTC I mean putting some sort of thought and effort in - e.g. every other day during fertile time if not all out opks, charting and temping. But yes, I guess the sheer number of variables involved makes it really hard to say. Still, interesting to see what you all think and very pleased to see that I am basically BU!

OP posts:
PinkParsnips · 18/02/2014 13:28

It took 1 month for us to conceive the first time (mc at 6wks) and 18 months for dd.

I watched a really interesting programme once when we were ttc about all the tiny little processes that have to go exactly right inside your body to conceive and that is not as straightforward as you might think. It did make me feel a little better!

ksrwr · 18/02/2014 13:28

i've been pregnant 4 times, 2 miscarriages (6w and 11w), 1 DD, and currently 8 weeks pg... so not sure which way this one is going to go.

but all 4 of them have taken around 6-8 months, so a bit inbetweeny here.

Fairylea · 18/02/2014 13:28

I think it's just one of those very odd and unexplained things (unless there's a very obvious fertility problem).

It took 18 months to conceive dd and 11 months to conceive ds (with an 11 year gap in the middle)!

With ds we were on the waiting list for ivf due to low sperm count and my pituitary problem and we found out we were pregnant naturally the day the ivf appointment letter came through the door!

We were very lucky.

5 months is nothing at all. I know it doesn't feel that way though.

differentnameforthis · 18/02/2014 13:29

What are you counting as a long time?

Dd1 - took a year, but I didn't know about cervical mucus, listening to my bodies cues as to when I was ovulating. As soon as someone sat & explained this to me (at the 11mth mark), I conceived the following cycle.

dd2 - 6mths.

I don't really class either of those time frames as a long time.

Lilicat1013 · 18/02/2014 13:29

My first son took six months to conceive and my second nine months (although I have a fallopian tube removed in m first c-section so that might be why it took longer). I used a Clear Blue Fertility Monitor both times.

Good luck.

sleepyhead · 18/02/2014 13:29

Not all eggs are good enough for fertilisation, even if you're an 18 year old in perfect reproductive health.

Not all sperm are good enough for fertilisation, even if you're an 18 year old in perfect reproductive health.

Plus, there's a much smaller window of opportunity for sperm to meet egg than most people realise. Theoretically, the egg goes off the boil (as it were) a few hours after ovulation. Sperm can hang around for a good while, but again it won't necessarily be in great shape.

You could easily miss ovulation, even if you're using opks or charting or symptom spotting - none of these are fool proof. Yes, very regular sex will minimise the chance of missing it, but this is hard for most couples to do month after month.

Plus, women tend to have anovulatory cycles occasionally, even if they don't have fertility problems.

Even if conception occurs, there's a good chance that the resulting embryo will have a chance defect that may mean that it fails to even get to the implantation stage.

Honestly, when you realise all the ducks that have to be lined up in a row for a baby to result it's a wonder that there are any at all!

Ds1 took us 2 months to conceive. Ds2 took 3 years, but if I'm absolutely honest, out of the 40 or so potential cycles about half of them we probably had no chance as we hadn't dtd at the right time for whatever reason, a couple of times I had some odd symptoms and may have had a very, very early chemical pregnancy (but no bfp so could have just been one of those things), factor in our age and some bad luck and you have 3 years. But there's no real reason it couldn't have taken us 1 month, or 6 or 12 or 24. Nothing had changed between the first cycle and the successful one, it was all a roll of the reproductive dice.

PrimalLass · 18/02/2014 13:29

I was 1 month with DS and 4 months with DD.

Leviticus · 18/02/2014 13:30

4 months for DC1. I shag for DC2. It's not time to worry yet.

BobaFetaCheese · 18/02/2014 13:30

11 m and 1 loss for dc1
9m and three losses (2 really early, chemicals) for dc2
Trying for dc3 and we're on 1 loss, 2 months atm.

I have a short luteal phase so rubbish at keeping hold of my eggs for long!

Everyone elseI know got their dc first time or by accident or needed ivf.

cinnamongreyhound · 18/02/2014 13:33

Took 6 months with ds1, but had a lot of stresses that I really feel contributed to me not conceiving! We were using condoms so no hormones to get out of my system. Ds2 wasn't planned but we were also starting to think about a second and not being too careful iyswim. I don't have a lot of experience of others really.

ooohiknowiknow · 18/02/2014 13:34

first pregnancy got pregnant within a month but sadly miscarried, took 12 months for dc1, one month for dc2 and one night for dc3!! in my case it seems the worrying about getting pregnant delayed it massively for dc1....didnt feel so stressed for dc2 and 3 x good luck op

DustyBaubles · 18/02/2014 13:35

I'm an inbetweeny.

Took between 4-12 cycles each time. No issues that I know of, but I was pushing 30 when I had my first, so probably missed all the 'good first time' eggs. Grin

curiousgeorgie · 18/02/2014 13:37

I conceived on the first try with DD1.

DD2 took 2 years, 7 miscarriages and medical intervention.

It's not always so simple.

DaftOne · 18/02/2014 13:38

Ah Dusty well yes I am 30. Not that I consider that old AT All!

OP posts:
EthelredOnAGoodDay · 18/02/2014 13:38

Five months both times! So in between.

Hopefully · 18/02/2014 13:38

I took 1, 1, 6 and 4, (second pg ended in MC very early) so a bit of both for me.

ViviPru · 18/02/2014 13:40

OP have you seen the BBC documentary that was on a couple of years back - "Inside the Human Body : Creation"?

Anyone TTC has to see this. I'll post the link if you've not seen it.

BumpAndGrind · 18/02/2014 13:42

8 months here.

felt like a lifetime

StupidMistakes · 18/02/2014 13:44

2 years wiyh first two pregnancies (both ended in mmc's) and a year to the day with third (healthy ds)

falulahthecat · 18/02/2014 13:44

Some people seem to be assuming if the sperm reaches the egg you get a baby. Don't forget the egg has to implant/settle in the womb etc. Lots and lots of fertilised eggs come away as bad periods, I know at least three people who went to the doctors with 'unusually bad' periods (1 actually went with food poisoning) to be told they'd been a few weeks along. Goodness knows how many more don't bother going to the docs.

ITCouldBeWorse · 18/02/2014 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Forago · 18/02/2014 13:45

Mine were 12 months (early mc) 6 months, first try and first try so I don't know what the hell we were doing wrong at first.