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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you don't conceive within about 3 months...

185 replies

DaftOne · 18/02/2014 13:03

... It's likely that you're going to take a long time to conceive?

Posting here rather than conception as just want an open and honest conversation. Really don't want to upset anyone.

Totally anecdotal. It just seems to me that of the people I know, they either get pregnant immediately every time or they have long struggles on their hands. There don't seem to be many "in betweenies" who take between 4-10 months. I'm basically wondering if statistics are misleading, comprising of averaging out those who get pregnant immediately and those who take ages and ages.

(TTC 5 months now and a bit impatient... Can you tell?)

OP posts:
FightingOverImaginaryIcecream · 18/02/2014 22:03

DS1 9 months, but I had been on the pill and I think that's how long my body took to return to normal.

DS2 straight away.

I think you hear more about accidental/instant conception and very long TTC stages, as people tend to mention they're a bit bowled over by how quick it was, or start talking about fertility worries if it's not happening.

I very rarely mention the 9 months as it seems fairly average, other people don't tend to enquire and we didn't tell anyone while we were TTC. Whereas with DS2 I was 'WTF Shock Shock!' to quite a few people for quite a while (never expected to become one of those 'instantly' people who secretly annoyed me quite a lot while I was TTC first time round).

Sharaluck · 18/02/2014 22:09

Well i often think it is hard to get a true picture of the situation.

Some women stop the pill/other hormonal contraceptives and start ttc straight away. The affects/hangover of hormonal contraceptives is surely sometimes a factor in this delay.

So I think if you have just stopped hormonal contraceptives and started ttc straight away I think you need to allow for a few extra months. (This is why I think gps say to try for 6-12 months before referring on, they are just allowing for some time for the regular cycles to resume, and I think they assume women have recently stopped the pill).

If you have not been on hormonal contraceptives I think you should be more worried after 6 months of ttc.

MrsSeanBean1 · 18/02/2014 22:12

How's this for an interesting one......and I have no idea why. DD1 took 3 years with very careful ovulation monitoring. Finally conceived when I was so sore, tired and sick of TTC that we used a turkey baster for a week instead of having sex. Pregnant instantly! Then 3 miscarriages - each conceived only when we basted instead of sex and finally DS (due 2 days ago) - conceived straight away by basting. Very very weird!!!

StuckOnARollercoaster · 18/02/2014 22:29

6 months here...
Like you I was a bit impatient and hated that this wasn't a process that could be 'controlled'.
I actually fibbed to my gp that we'd been trying for longer as I was worried about my age (37) and the fact I had fibroids so I was booked in for an ultrasound to check said fibroids when I got my bfp. (which meant the ultrasound at 5 weeks ended up looking for the embryo not at the fibroids and the sonographer found it!)

I loved the images of uncooperative sperms and eggs. I suspect my egg played hard to get and then decided at 6 months that was enough - the sperm had proved themselves to be responsible and were permitted entry!

Willdoitinaminute · 18/02/2014 22:53

My gyni told me that we have both a monthly cycle and a six monthly cycle and when both coincide we are more likely to concieve. I work as a hcp and have observed over the years that many families have children with close birth dates and birth dates about six months apart.
My DS was due on my sisters birthday and she had Dniece on my birthday our birthdays are 6 mnths apart. My other sister s birthday is the same month as mine. My DH was born almost exactly 5 years after his brother. I have cousins whose birthdays are a day apart.
So it can also be intergenerational. I had several miscarriages the conception dates were similar. One would have meant I would have had a DC a week after my Dniece was born and my Dsis miscarried a DC that would have been born the same month as my DS. Dsis and I do not live close to each other or see each other reguarly enough to have synced cycles.
I think it is well worth looking for patterns in your own family.

ViviPru · 18/02/2014 23:15

WillDoIt that's SO fascinating... My two DNs and my birthdays are days apart, and my sister's birthday is 6 months from mine almost to the day. I will certainly look into that theory some more....

RuddyDuck · 19/02/2014 04:01

We conceived dc1 almost as soon as we started trying. Dc2 came along 20 months later, 9 months after the only time in my life tbat I failed to use contraception (apart from when conceiving dc1). Given that we were sleep deprived and exhausted and having sex about once a month at that point, its amazing that dc2 came along at all. My cycle is very long and very irregular ( 30- 50 days) so no idea when my fertile times are.

Not very scientific I know, but in my ante natal class of 6, 4 of us conceived straight away (ie within one cycle) and 2 took almost a year. All of us had second children within 20 -26 months of the first.

MrsMook · 19/02/2014 04:23

DS1 was first month of trying and I was amazed that it happened so quickly I'm not very regular. I opened the pack of OPKs intended got first time for attempt 2. That took 4 months, but part of that was life getting in the way at prime time. I know lots of people where DC1 and 2 were on very different timescales.

SunMakesMeHappy · 19/02/2014 05:00

I really think it just depends on your body. It took me two years to get pregnant with my daughter. I then got pregnant 13 weeks after giving birth to her but sadly miscarried at 6 weeks. I then fell pregnant 8 weeks after the miscarrige but again miscarried at 6 weeks.

That was 19 weeks ago, we've been trying ever since but af shows up every month :/.

Really do think it just depends on your body and when it wants to make a baby.

frogslegs35 · 19/02/2014 05:37

willdo
That makes lots of sense.
All 3 of my dc have birthdays just 20 days apart. Even more weird is none of them were planned and I was actually taking the pill with the first 2, 3rd was a lazy accident but the other two I was actively trying NOT to fall pregnant.

Defnotsupergirl · 19/02/2014 05:45

Me, Mirena out one month, pregnant the next. I though it would take ages and was planning as such! :-)

myitchybeaver · 19/02/2014 06:04

I completely agree OP, almost everyone I know is either a 'fall the first month' or a 'long term TTCer'.

I'm both. I'm still so confused as to why. It's not an age thing either, I was 36 at my last birth.

Pregnancy 1- accident
Pregnancy 2 - accident
Pregnancy 3 - 3 years
Pregnancy 4 - 2 years

Good luck, it's really hard Thanks

MrsFruitcake · 19/02/2014 06:45

Tried for 8 months with DD. Married in May, pregnant in January. Thought it'd never happen. But then conceived DS in a month five years later!

Try not to worry too much, stress won't help!Smile

SouthernHippyChick · 19/02/2014 08:01

Not sure and good luck OP.

My periods always absolutely regular and from talking with friends, seems good correlation with straightforward fertility, all other things being equal.
Took 4mths and 2 months.

Original poster
DaftOne · 19/02/2014 09:30

I'm

OP posts:
ToriaPumpkin · 19/02/2014 09:48

Willdo that's interesting, DC2 is due in April/May and that'll be almost exactly 6 months after DS's birthday!

I'm an in-betweener, 7 months and 9 months for my two.

Good luck OP!

Dwerf · 19/02/2014 16:59

How odd about the 6 month cycles thing. Three of my kids have birthdays in a three week period (expensive!) and the other is, well, tomorrow. Four months before the others. But I had a MC before her. And a year to the day (to the hour, almost), dd1 was born.

dustarr73 · 19/02/2014 17:10

My eldest 2 are both in May one in teh beginning and one at the end.Out of the 5 of them only 3, 2 have end of the month birthdays the others are the end of the month

Also between ds2 and ds3 there is 12 years.And i was pregnant on ds4 when i went to get the depo.Thought i had my periods turned out it was an implantation bleed.

needtobediscreet · 19/02/2014 19:46

It doesn't fit with official stats but like the OP, most mums I know either got pregnant v quickly / by accident or needed IVF. I'm the latter. Ours took over two years, infertility unexplained.

Big difference between not preventing and actively trying though.

I wouldn't panic yet OP but if you don't conceive after a few more months I'd visit your GP for a day 21 test for you and a semen test for your partner. How many more months depends on your age (over or under 35)

Good luck!

thegreylady · 19/02/2014 19:53

Dc1 wasn't trying just happened 2nd time we had sex.
Dc2 happened first cycle.
My dd took 3 months with dc1 when she was 32 and 5 months with dc2 two years later.
My dil took 11 months with dc1 and 8 months with dc2.

ladyfordington · 19/02/2014 20:11

My DC1 took over 2 years, DC2 took 8 months, DC3 was conceived the very first night we tried...

Most of the people I know (who have discussed it at least) have fallen pg between 4 months and a year - I don't know all that many who have fallen instantly to be honest.

Good luck ttc!

weebairn · 19/02/2014 20:13

4 or 5 months with DC1. (But I was just coming off the pill.)
1 month with current pregnancy.

My brother took 6 months both times.

I also think people mean different things by "TTC". i count it from being off contraception. But I know people who say "well I stopped taking the pill 4 months ago, but this was the first month we tried." But surely that is 5 months of unprotected sex, not 1.

I have sex most days or at least several times a week whether or not ttc so maybe it's just that some people don't...

Junebugjr · 19/02/2014 20:14

Most of my friends and myself conceived straight away, or had happy accidents.
A few took a year or so, and have conceived with medical help.
I don't know any inbetweeners.

ladyfordington · 19/02/2014 20:17

Just read Willdoit's post and I'm also fascinated - DC 1 & 2 have birthdays days apart in the same month and DC3's birthday falls exactly 6 months later!

weebairn · 19/02/2014 20:18

Willdoit that's fascinating, I got pregnant to the day 2 years after I did the first time.

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