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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get wound up about MN and sleep advice

386 replies

LittleMilla · 16/02/2014 21:00

I love MN and will often come on to get advice...can normally count on it for sensible pointers for everything except for sleep.

AIBU to wonder why noone on MN seems to want their children to sleep through the night? I no of noone in RL who co-sleeps - but everyone on MN seems to? And people seem to think it's entorely normal for a 8 month old baby to wake repeatedly through the night.

I just don't get it. So much valuable advice...yet everyone on here seems to go madly soft when it comes to sleep.

Am I the only one?

OP posts:
inlawsareasses · 16/02/2014 21:02

Nope I think this is as well

Sirzy · 16/02/2014 21:04

I don't think its about being soft, it is about being realistic. And if someone thinks its abonormal for a child to not sleep through at 8 months then I would say it is them who would be giving the wrong message.

Co-sleeping is great for some (and a way to get more sleep for many parents!).

Each child is different and one of the biggest issues surrounding sleeping through is this expectation that a) children will sleep through at a young age and b) all children are the same

Koothrapanties · 16/02/2014 21:04

I agree. I posted asking for advice about my baby waking up at 4am ready for the day and explained how I was really struggling with this. The majority of replies said I should be gratefull that she is sleeping until then. Not much constructive advice really, not very helpful.

Superworm · 16/02/2014 21:05

YABU

I think most parents want their child to sleep through. Some just don't. MN normalises that.

FudgefaceMcZ · 16/02/2014 21:06

WTF? I expect my 12 and 4 year old to sleep through the night (barring noise/bad dreams/illness). That is not in any way the same thing as expecting an 8 month old baby to sleep through the night (which neither of them did).

I would guess you are probably the only one who can't see a substantive difference between a child and a baby, yes. I think most people manage this distinction before leaving primary school.

Steben · 16/02/2014 21:08

I agree (although expect this to kick off) no one seems to want their dc to sleep in own rooms! On quite a few threads I have seen the answer to most sleep problems is co sleeping which whilst fine for some is my worst nightmare (and no one sleeps)...

MatryoshkaDoll · 16/02/2014 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janethegirl · 16/02/2014 21:09

Personally I think it totally depends on the child. DD1 slept through from around 6 weeks, DS1 however was a complete nightmare, waking every 2 hours until around 24 months. And they were treated the same. I just went with the flow, with DS1 I just got up in the night and dealt with him without even waking :)

HumphreyCobbler · 16/02/2014 21:09

most eight month babies DON'T sleep through the night. I agree that MN normalises this. Lots of people I know co-sleep.

I tried everything to get my first child to sleep through and none of it worked. I felt better when I realised my expectations were a tad unrealistic.

PandaFeet · 16/02/2014 21:10

I agree tbh.

Both mine slept through from young. Though DD2 was later to do it than DD1. And I couldn't co sleep at all. Just couldn't relax enough.

Sleep is one of the things that I have to have sorted. DD1 had a dummy til she was nearly 3, and DD2 still takes a bottle at 15 months. But sleep is something I was keen to get a routine going and keep it.

MyNameIsAnAnagram · 16/02/2014 21:10

I don't know any 8mo babies who sleep through the night. That is entirely normal.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/02/2014 21:11

I was keen to get a routine going too Panda, it just didn't work Grin

TheGreatHunt · 16/02/2014 21:11

People are probably too embarrassed to admit they co sleep in real life. Or admit they have any other sleep problems. Because they fear they'll be judged.

I remember mums talking about how easily their babies slept then let slip about problems another time. Or once I got to know someone they'd be a bit more honest...

Martorana · 16/02/2014 21:11

It's fantastic if babies sleep through the night. And that is what everyone wants. The problem is that many don't. And if you have one that doesn't, you are made to feel that a) yours is the only one that doesn't and b) that you are doing something wrong.

There is so much emphasis on sleeping through that it's good to remind people that it's not the norm. And that actually there isn't much you can to make it happen, but there are things you can do that make it easier to cope until they do.

Oh, and people lie about how long their baby sleeps and whether or not they co sleep more than anything else. Except possibly how much they smoke.

Sirzy · 16/02/2014 21:12

Sleep is one of the things that I have to have sorted.

Comments like this, espcially from someone who was lucky enough to have children who sleep through from a young age make me laugh.

Some children no amount of routine, dummies or anything else will make them sleep through at young age. Some people are bad sleepers whether baby, child or adult. Yes there are things you can do to try to help that but its not something you can just sort and sometimes nothing works!

TheGreatHunt · 16/02/2014 21:13

And everyone wants their baby to sleep through, what a ridiculous idea to think otherwise.

People suggest cosleeping as a way of coping because it worked for them.

I've also been around on the sleep boards for long enough to know that people also suggest cc as if it were the magic bullet!

HumphreyCobbler · 16/02/2014 21:13

Me and DH are terrible insomniacs, I don't know why I expected a sleeping baby.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/02/2014 21:13

I agree with you. In rl I don't know any children beyond 6 months who don't sleep through. Can't dare suggest that on here, in a sleeping thread where leaving your baby to cry for, shock, horror, a second, is vile.

BonaDea · 16/02/2014 21:14

I think the issue, OP, is that in real life people would have you believe that an 8mo sleeping through the night is guaranteed or to be expected, when in fact many many 8mo babies are in reality too small to do that yet. Of course it is the ideal, but it helps to realise that all babies don't so this and that there isn't a magic bullet.

The intense focus that bloody everyone in your life - when you have a young baby - places on sleep can be incredible. And of course the helpful comments of having to give formula, having to make sure they eat xyz during the day etc can be exhausting and it helps to have some more realistic expectations sometimes.

Fairylea · 16/02/2014 21:15

Yanbu to a degree but I think there's a balance between expecting an 8 month old to sleep through and then turning to crying it out when they don't (I'm not saying that's what you're suggesting before everyone flames me!)

I was lucky that both my dc slept 7-7 from about 12 weeks but I think a lot of that was me being very rigid about routine (not feeding, I fed on demand I just mean not letting them nap longer than 2.5 hours in the day without a feed being offered and creating a day and night from an early and also going against sids advice and putting them in their own rooms from about 8 weeks, I do understand the sids advice, I just made a choice based on the risk etc).

I could never have co slept. I struggle to sleep with my dh let alone a baby as well.

I did pick up and put down, neither dc were ever left to cry.

I also think similarly about the advice on here to always suggest a sling straight away anytime anyone has an unsettled baby. I must have very odd babies because both of mine absolutely hated a sling!

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 16/02/2014 21:15

I have never contributed to a sleep thread but I have read them a few times with a face like this Hmm

I completely understand what You are saying Op!

Jeregrette · 16/02/2014 21:15

My 3 year old still wakes up once or twice. Just recently she's gone through on occasion. I might have cracked the holy grail.

Of course I always wished she'd sleep through the night but breast feeding and co-sleeping and perhaps my refusal to force her to night wean too soon got in the way.

Lots of people I know have bad sleepers in one way or another. Mine are always in bed by 7 but I know lots of people who can't get theirs to stay in bed in the first place.

dietcokeandwine · 16/02/2014 21:16

I agree, OP (although I also agree with Steben - this will kick off!).

The general attitude to sleep on MN seems to be almost entirely based around the theory that 'you either get a good sleeper or you don't; it's all down to luck.'

Which I just don't get.

Imagine someone starting a thread asking about how you teach children good manners and getting responses saying 'oh, you either get a well mannered child or you don't, it's all down to luck!'

Surely with all these things there is the nature/nurture argument, and to be fair in most other aspects of life there seems to be a healthy acknowledgement on MN that all children are different, but that parental support and involvement and sensible strategies can influence outcomes - i.e. that a reluctant reader can be helped to enjoy it, that a fussy eater can be encouraged to try new things, etc etc.

But not with sleep. Oh no, not sleep. Sleep is all down to luck.

noitsachicken · 16/02/2014 21:16

I thought this was going to be about all the advice to do sleep training of some sort!

I know people who co-sleep and people who don't.
I don't know any babies who slept through consistently at 8 months.

I do know people lie about babies sleep. I did, it saves unwanted advice!

WillowB · 16/02/2014 21:16

Ok slightly different perspective. I would say nearly all of my friends babies and my own slept through by 8 months. My DS was one of the last & he cracked it at about 6 months. I don't think its unreasonable to expect an 8 month old to sleep through.