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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get wound up about MN and sleep advice

386 replies

LittleMilla · 16/02/2014 21:00

I love MN and will often come on to get advice...can normally count on it for sensible pointers for everything except for sleep.

AIBU to wonder why noone on MN seems to want their children to sleep through the night? I no of noone in RL who co-sleeps - but everyone on MN seems to? And people seem to think it's entorely normal for a 8 month old baby to wake repeatedly through the night.

I just don't get it. So much valuable advice...yet everyone on here seems to go madly soft when it comes to sleep.

Am I the only one?

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 16/02/2014 21:56

Gosh Pandafeet, do you think that ALL people who have picky eaters give in and offer crisps? Is that why you think all people with non sleepers get up and have a party in the middle of the night when baby wakes us?

FWIW my older children sleep brilliantly now...

CoteDAzur · 16/02/2014 21:56

YANBU. I've never heard of people like the mums on MN sleep threads, who cosleep and breastfeed on demand until their 'babies' are 2, 3 or whatever, who would rather be delirious with sleep deprivation than sleep train their babies.

Pitmountainpony · 16/02/2014 21:57

A lucky super strict knob Panda?
That was a joke. Good for you. But the sleeping is different from manners which kids do not really get till they are older anyway....some kids do sleep better than others. You cannot stop your child waking. They wake. You deal with it. Or you let them cry themselves back to sleep. But you cannot control, if they wake.

TisforTiger · 16/02/2014 21:58

humphry - no advice apart from surely our children will sleep through at some point! (And then we can join all the judgy MN posters about how patents of non sleepers must not be trying hard enough).

Jeregrette · 16/02/2014 21:58

I once met someone who said their baby slept through at a week old. That I just can't believe (surely a newborn can't drink enough to keep them going all night) but I suppose on the spectrum it is possible,

Pitmountainpony · 16/02/2014 21:59

Yes, if sleep training involves leaving a baby to cry, I take mild delirium. Parenting puts you in this state anyway to some degree. What is a bit more delirium....really over teaching
a baby that it can not communicate its need....well it can , but it must learn it will be ignored. That I find very peculiar and unnurturing.

undecidedindecisive · 16/02/2014 22:00

It looks a bit like the people who have experienced babies who will sleep long stretches find it annoying to be called lucky. And the people whose babies wake frequently are finding it annoying that they are being blamed for 'not wanting their babies to sleep through the night' - i.e. not trying hard enough.

So Group A have babies who sleep long stretches and so are more rested and cross about not having the credit for this.
Group B have babies who wake lots and so are tired (understatement) and are cross about being blamed for this.

I'd kind of prefer to have the sleep and mild irritation about not getting parenting brownie points. I'm sure that feeling a bit more sane and having longer sleep stretches would have enabled me to cope with this particular parenting critique. On the other hand, when I was barely keeping it together with sleep deprivation, the idea that it was all my own fault and I just hadn't tried hard enough was enough to make me sob.

BeeInYourBonnet · 16/02/2014 22:02

I'm not judgy about people who's dcs don't sleep through. But I am a bit judgy about people who moan about it but don't do anything positive to encourage better sleeping (like the examples I mentioned upthread). And then try to make out people who have worked very hard to encourage better sleep (and NOT by CC, CIO etc) are just lucky.

PandaFeet · 16/02/2014 22:02

Gosh Pandafeet, do you think that ALL people who have picky eaters give in and offer crisps? Is that why you think all people with non sleepers get up and have a party in the middle of the night when baby wakes us?

Gosh Humphrey, are you purposely trying to twist what I am saying?

I posted about what I witnessed in my family. Not about what I think other mumsnetters do in their own homes.

My brother is a picky eater, as is my partner. Neither my mum or MIL gave crisps after dinner.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/02/2014 22:02

mamapain, thank you for your offer to help

DS3 is five months
He is fed on demand
He naps half an hour at nine, an hour or two at midday and half an hour at five.
He goes down to sleep at eight in the carseat after a feed (his other naps he is not fed to sleep) as he needs propping up and I am keeping him in the room due to SIDS advice.
I have tried an amby nest but it didn't help.
We co sleep out of desperation.
I am really hoping that solid food will help as his current waking pattern is completely random.

My point is still that I AM trying, I DO try, I don't just give up....it just doesn't work for my babies until about 14 months

alarkthatcouldpray · 16/02/2014 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TodayIsAGoodDay · 16/02/2014 22:03

Spot on undecidedindecisive

MamaPain · 16/02/2014 22:03

Fadbook, I'm really surprised by your post. I personally don't wake up at all during the night unless something happens to wake me (cat jumping on my head, child screaming, phone ringing, that sort of thing), I would say I generally sleep through solidly. Now I am aware that I'm a deep sleeper, but a quick survey of the 7 adults in our house and only one of them wakes regularly during the night, even then it's a recent thing put down to age. All the children in this house also sleep through.

Is regular waking during the night very common in adults?

I am not talking about insomnia by the way, which I have experienced as part of an intense case of stress, and is very different to waking for sips of water.

BeeInYourBonnet · 16/02/2014 22:03

And people who have had success in improving sleeping patterns, should be able to provide advice to those asking for advice, without being labelled as smug, lucky or some vicious CC advocate.

soupmaker · 16/02/2014 22:04

Oh, how marvellous. A thread full of experts who can tell me what I'm doing wrong when it comes to getting my 6 month old DD2 to sleep through the night.

I mean clearly I am getting it all wrong, but I really, really want her to sleep through.

So come on then, what's the solution when you have a generally very happy baby, who is EBF and feeds well during the day, naps brilliantly, self settles for naps and at bed time with very little fuss, and rarely cries during the day unless hurt or really knackered. She feeds at least twice overnight and can be difficult to get back to sleep if awake after 4am.

So looking forward to being put right.

RabbitRabbit78 · 16/02/2014 22:04

YANBU because so is everyone else on this thread apparently..!

HumphreyCobbler · 16/02/2014 22:05

forgive me Pandafeet, I am somewhat sleep deprived Grin

actually though, you were lucky in that what you did worked. I am UNlucky in that what I did, didn't work.

HearMyRoar · 16/02/2014 22:05

After a while of feeling crap about it I made a conscious decision to be very open and honest in real life about dd's crap sleep. I found once I started telling people that she woke multiple times and we coslept it really surprised me how many parents who i had thought had perfect sleeping babies were in exactly the same position.

The fact is in real life there is a bit of a stigma attached to having a child that doesnt magically sleep all night by 6 months. You are given the impression that it is your fault, you are a bad parent and should try harder. That is way so many people give the impression that their babies sleep through the night when in fact they don't. So if you think that you don't know anyone whose 8 month old doesnt sleep through I would think again.

Sirzy · 16/02/2014 22:07

Is regular waking during the night very common in adults?

I was away with a group of friends this weekend and we had this converstion, 3 out of 7 of us didn't "sleep through" to differing extents. Some people can literally sleep standing, others struggle to fall asleep. Some people sleep until there alarm others will wake up for a wee, or spend an hour staring at the ceiling reglalry.

Littleen · 16/02/2014 22:07

Not got my baby just yet (hurry up out!), but just wanted to say that I will on purpose lie to people about how baby sleeps, as the amounts of advice given, to an as of yet unborn baby, is mental. Can't imagine how it will be once he's here, so it's easier to just say it's fine. I wouldn't expect and 8 month old to consistently sleep through though, and got to agree it's very random :) I sleep so light anything wakes me up, if I get to sleep at all! My other half however shuts his eyes, goes to sleep and wakes up for the alarm. So it's very individual as adults anyway :)

LittleRedDinosaur · 16/02/2014 22:07

Let me get this straight- You're getting angry at being told you're lucky?...So you must be doing something we're not doing to get your babies to sleep through at 8 months?Well aren't you the best mum ever. Well done.
Please can you just leave other people alone to get a bit of support when they need it. Sleep is so important and if we have to co-sleep or rub our babies back to get some then why on earth does it bother you? Confused

FadBook · 16/02/2014 22:08

Mama - maybe it's just me and my family then Grin If I go to bed too early, I wake in the night. I have a deep sleep for no longer than 2 hours, then fairly light sleep after then, or sometime dreaming and wake up all flustered because of dream.

I suppose, for me, it's normal, but for you and your family, it isn't. Kind of brings home my point that every adult is very different!

Original poster
LittleMilla · 16/02/2014 22:08

I think that the simply point that sleep threads are usually frequented by parents of rubbish sleepers probably explains the lack of constructive advice (and no I'm not talking just Cc or CIO).

I wasn't being sanctimonious Grin. Just genuinely perplexed about why it all goes to shit when you ask for some constructive advice.

OP posts:
PandaFeet · 16/02/2014 22:09

If an OP posted that her FOUR year old wouldn't go to sleep/ was waking regularly, then yes, I would tell her to cut out the bedtime story AS ONE SUGGESTION.

There are people on this thread asking for advice, and when someone gives a bit of advice they are mocked. Can't win.

SingMoreWhenYoureWinning · 16/02/2014 22:09

none of you have any useful information on what I should be doing, do you?

Here is what I did to 'sleep train' my two. Ds1 slept through from 8 weeks, ds2 from 14 weeks. They'd both go 12 hours.

From a few weeks old:
*Bed time was ALWAYS at 7pm. At 7pm, we went to the bedroom...obviously that meant I would need to go too when they were tiny, so i'd read in bed from that time.

  • I never, ever, ever took them back downstairs after bedtime. For no reason. I can count on one hand the times either of my dc have been downstairs after this time, which would only be when they're ill (they are now 6 and nearly 4) *We would get up at 7am every morning and go downstairs. Even if we'd been up half the night. Even if the baby had only gone back to sleep at 5am.
  • I did not engage with them at all between 7pm and 7am. I would rock them if needed, feed them, change their nappy. I would try and leave them in the crib as much as possible. I never played, talked to them etc. Feed, burp, bum change, back down. Cry = soothe, back down.
  • I never co slept when they were babies. The exception was past 6 months (by which time, the routine was well established), if they were ill, they would possibly sleep in with me and dp.