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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get wound up about MN and sleep advice

386 replies

LittleMilla · 16/02/2014 21:00

I love MN and will often come on to get advice...can normally count on it for sensible pointers for everything except for sleep.

AIBU to wonder why noone on MN seems to want their children to sleep through the night? I no of noone in RL who co-sleeps - but everyone on MN seems to? And people seem to think it's entorely normal for a 8 month old baby to wake repeatedly through the night.

I just don't get it. So much valuable advice...yet everyone on here seems to go madly soft when it comes to sleep.

Am I the only one?

OP posts:

PandaFeet · 16/02/2014 21:27

and parents who have children who don't sleep through don't put in effort? Bloody hell this gets better. Do you think they CHOOSE to be up constantly through the night? That they don't try things to help them sleep better?

Where did I say that?

By saying that I am LUCKY you are implying I didn't have to do fuck all to get my kids to sleep. When that's just not true.

Don't twist my words.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 16/02/2014 21:27

I dragged dd into bed to desperately try for sleep between 2 days and 11mths. It works if bf. Unsure if bottle.

I selot on my side along the edge. Dh slept other edge. Dd slept in middle. Both of us wore jumpers as a duvet so kept that lower down. I had moments of being terrified but never actually squashed her. I never drank though. Didnt dare.

PandaFeet · 16/02/2014 21:28

And ofcourse I am LUCKY so I never read up about sleep!!! Oh no. Not at all.

SS3J · 16/02/2014 21:28

Yanbu. I cannot stand the assumption that it's just fine to survive on no sleep. But I got this a lot in real life, haven't so much experience of mn sleep advice. I just remember feeling such despair when asking for help as dd only slept 45 mins at a time day or night and being told by everyone that 'it's normal'. That is not helpful when you feel as if you are going to die from sleep deprivation. To be honest, I'd rather have had someone say 'get her in a routine - here are some tips'! Eventually I figured it out for myself, but much pain could have been avoided!

Superworm · 16/02/2014 21:28

People lie about this.

My friend whose baby 'sleeps through' gets up 2-3 times a night to replace a blankie.

Pitmountainpony · 16/02/2014 21:29

Erm I have a 22 month and frankly would be amazed if she slept through the night and most people I know apart from the sleep trainers are the same.....I had no expectation of sleeping through at 8 months. Some babies do but none I know of. But then everyone I know breastfeeds and does the whole attachment parenting thing. Depends who you hang out with I think. But I just accept babies are wired to wake up to feed. I hope by two to be maybe sleeping till dawn...that would be amazing.

Sirzy · 16/02/2014 21:30

Panda,, I am not twisting your words. I am going off what you have said. You are putting the idea that hard work = child sleeping through. Therefore implying that people who don't have children who sleep through don't work hard to try to change things.

No twisting of words but if you start putting things down to hard work then surely you have to see why people will take that badly?

a lot of whether a child sleeps well is down to luck, as can be seen by the amount of people who have more than one child but with very different sleeping patterns/routines.

dietcokeandwine · 16/02/2014 21:30

Sirzy, you are missing the point a bit.

What I was trying (probably badly) to explain was my perception that the MN view is that there is no point in trying to help a child to sleep any better. No point in doing anything, because luck and only luck is what ensures a child will sleep.

Which is unutterable bollocks. It isn't all down to luck. Nothing about parenting is all down to luck! Any aspect of parenting, whether it's sleep, food, behaviour, whatever, is going to be influenced by a mixutre of what you do as a parent, and what your child's nature is, surely?

Some children will naturally be better sleepers than others, of course they will. But there are thing that parents can do that might help poorer sleepers sleep better, and by the same token things they can do that might make things worse. Surely it's only common sense to acknowledge that?

Sleep is not down to luck and luck alone!

Pitmountainpony · 16/02/2014 21:31

Most people I know co sleep. My neighbour uses a crib but the wife works and dad stays home so they really work better that way as she stopped breastfeeding earlier. I think they sleep longer on formula is my impression. Whatever works for you. I cannot bear to think of the cortisone flooding the brain with the crying when I know I can so easily comfort by feeding.

TheOnlySeven · 16/02/2014 21:31

DD1 is 2 and always comes into our bed in the night . She was sleeping through and then was ill and sleep has been a problem since. We co sleep because it's better than no sleep, but I don't like it and long for her to spend all night in her own bed!

anothernumberone · 16/02/2014 21:32

I have to say when I had only the bottle feeding experience to go on I thought everyone whose lo's didn't sleep through must have been shattered all the time. That was not my experience of bf. It honestly did not bother me that he was not sleeping. When I went back to work he woke even more, reverse cycling as he was missing daytime feeds and I loved it because it meant I got snuggles in the nighttime. He wasn't co sleeping at that stage, 1 year but he would wake up and climb out of his bed and climb into ours for feeds. As long as they are not up for the day at an ungodly hour which would drive me crazy I am happy enough and I love my sleep.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/02/2014 21:34

dietcokeandwine, but what do you think we DO when our babies wake up? We try to get them to go back to sleep!

arethereanyleftatall · 16/02/2014 21:34

Well said tea cup and diet coke.

sleepyhead · 16/02/2014 21:35

Well it's not if you're going in to the room and poking the baby with a stick, or putting Red Bull in its bottle, but otherwise... Yeh, my experience is that it's largely down to luck.

Sirzy · 16/02/2014 21:35

I have already said there are things you can do to help encourage sleep but that doesn't guarantee they will sleep which is why comparing it to something much easier to control such as teaching manners is madness.

I think the worst thing we can ever do though for a parent who is struggling is to try to make out that it is abnormal for a young child to be a bad sleeper - it isn't and realising that helps so much in trying to deal with it.

BeeInYourBonnet · 16/02/2014 21:35

Agree with Teacup - I never used to 'go on' about my DCs sleeping through, in case someone punched me

Some people are okay with cosleeping, responding to every little sound etc. But some people are going INSANE from lack of sleep and desperately need help. Telling them this is completely normal til 2yo or whenever, is not helpful.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/02/2014 21:36

Also no one has answered my question - except for CIO, what do you suggest I do?

Koothrapanties · 16/02/2014 21:36

Ss3j that is what annoyed me. I was getting to the point where dd waking at stupid o clock in the morning ready to play was making me incredibly sleep deprived and run down that I couldn't cope. To be told that it was normal and given very little constructive advice was really quite souls destroying. I was told by one poster to watch tv! That isn't going to help when i can barely function during the day!

DomesticSlobbess · 16/02/2014 21:36

YANBU. Everytime I see a sleep related thread I know the general consensus will be to bring baby in with you or just accept. There will be a few who will offer advice to get baby to sleep, but the majority seem to accept co-sleeping or not much sleep!

DS was in his own room at 4 months and his sleep improved drastically compared to being in a room with us where just one cough would wake him up. I can't remember when exactly, but he was definitely sleeping all the way through at 8 months. 7pm-6am. His is 3 now and on the rare occassion will wake in the night but it take two seconds to get him to go back to sleep. I personally wouldn't co-sleep and DS having his own room since 4 months has worked out fine for us.

bakingaddict · 16/02/2014 21:36

You do know mumsnet is a cross section of parenthood. Some people will have babies that sleep others wont. Some people spout shit others post useful advice. Take the good advice and the bad or failing that seek proper advice from a health visitor but to be all sanctimonious is just plain nasty

ExcuseTypos · 16/02/2014 21:36

Babies are ALL different.

DD1- slept through from 3 months. Not a peep from her form 7.00- 6.00

Dd2 slept through at 2 and a half. I did cosleep or I think I would have died from tiredness.

Lots of 8 month old babies don't sleep through the night. It is quite common.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/02/2014 21:38

I am sure there are some babies where it doesn't matter what you do, they will not sleep through.
But, I believe there are also cases where it is indeed the parents 'fault' - going in every 2 seconds, to check they're ok, over panicking etc

PandaFeet · 16/02/2014 21:38

But sirzy, I have been told on this thread to read up on sleep. Because I am so LUCKY that it is assumed that I would never have had to do that. Wtf is that all about?

I had sleepless nights with both my kids. I had (and am still having) sleep regressions. Night waking here and there. But by and large my kids sleep through 7-7 because it is a routine that isn't broken. I don't read bedtime stories because I believe they overstimulate and I respond to night waking on a case by case basis. Genuine need is responded to. A bit of a cry is ignored. My kids are both happy and well adjusted.

From my experience of threads on here about non sleepers, when CC or CIO is suggested the OP immediately shuts it down. I am sure there are parents who have tried everything and it doesn't work, but that doesn't make them UNLUCKY.

To say I am LUCKY is so patronizing and undermining its unreal.

maras2 · 16/02/2014 21:39

Ahh. Some babies sleep, some don't. Can't remember much about my 2 but I have never , ever had a child in my bed. Now I have DGC's overnight every so often; one sleeps 12 hours the other two are little monkeys but eventually settle.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/02/2014 21:39

still, no actual advice on what I should do

it is dark
it is quiet
my baby had reflux so has to be propped up
I don't feed with every waking

what should I be doing?

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