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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that dh has a secret facebook and that must mean the worst?

133 replies

hidinginoblivion · 16/02/2014 18:07

I deleted my FB account a few months (permanently deleted it) and today I decided to create a new one, out of boredom/interest etc.

I started adding people I know when a mutual friend came up - dh. The mutual friends I had in common are his two close friends and his brother. DH already has an account, one which I was friends with before and re-added. This is an entirely separate one - he is using a shortened version of his name and the profile photo is a very recent one. I can't see anything else as it's private.

I can see his main one with all friends and family etc. I asked my friend to have a look on her account and I sent her the link and it just comes up with page missing.

aibu to think the worst? dh is currently working away and ... I don't want to ask him because it would be all too easy to delete.

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 16/02/2014 18:08

What is your relationship like with the mutual friends? Could you ask them? I agree it sounds dodgy...

KippyVonKipperson · 16/02/2014 18:11

I know the mature answer would be to ask him, but as he's away how about setting up another facebook profile yourself under a pretend name, with a good looking woman as the profile picture. See whether he accepts her friendship request and if he does, you can have a nosy at what the page is like and check out how many other friends he has on this other profile.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 16/02/2014 18:12

I would do what Kippy suggests.

It does sound very dodgy to me, especially as the profile picture is recent.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 16/02/2014 18:12

Does he have a big hobby / own business or anything that would warrant having 2 separate accounts?

Is his old 1 still active?

I'd screen shot what you can see of the new one then ask about it.

Does he have history? You seem quick to assume the worst. (Genuine question, not a dig)

ButICantaloupe · 16/02/2014 18:14

I have a fake account for snooping. I don't gave anyone as a friend on it though.

Are there any devices in the house he may still be logged into?

JanineStHubbins · 16/02/2014 18:16

If it's a secret account he has set up to shag around, it seems unlikely to me that he would add his brother and friends.

Don't engage in subterfuge and set up a fake account - just ask him why he has 2 accounts when he gets back.

YouTheCat · 16/02/2014 18:24

Does he play games that require neighbours to send things? I have a spare account I use for this purpose.

AbbeyBartlet · 16/02/2014 18:26

I agree with those that say to ask him. To set up a fake account and try to catch him out would just show you don't trust him - if someone did that to me, it would be a deal breaker.

If he was up to something, he would probably go under a different name and a profile pic that you wouldn't recognise. I know people who have a profile for work people and another for family - it could be totally innocent.

Am Shock that people would have a fake profile to 'snoop'!

YellowDinosaur · 16/02/2014 18:27

Yes agree with the screenshot and ask to his face option. You'll be able to tell from his reaction if there is anything dodgy about it.

Choccybaby · 16/02/2014 18:28

Is he a bit obsessive about tech stuff?
I ask because my dad has OCD and has about 3 Facebook accounts to check (and double check) the security settings in his main page.
Not necessarily dodgy having more than one account, but depends on the context .

phantomnamechanger · 16/02/2014 18:28

surely he would have to be pretty stupid to have a secret account for anything "untoward" that has mutual friends of yours on ? I would have thought the number one rule of cheating via fb would involve NOT friending people your wife knows!

sadbodyblue · 16/02/2014 18:31

can't see he would add his brother to a fake account.

I had 2 fb accounts once because I ballsed up the password thought it was deleted and made another.

I am crap with stuff like this so maybe that's what he's done.

but ask him as you know you will have to.

it sounds like a mistake though.

Original poster
hidinginoblivion · 16/02/2014 18:31

would involve NOT friending people your wife knows

True but they are his friends not mine, he has known them since school.

So they would have his back rather than mine I guess.

OP posts:
jojane · 16/02/2014 18:32

Dh hates Facebook but has an account as lots of things now require a Facebook account to log in with. He doesn't have any friends though and has disabled the option for people to add him as a friend

Coconutty · 16/02/2014 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 16/02/2014 18:36

If he had some random women as friends, then I'd be worried.

The fact that his friends are old ones and his brother just means he has a separate account and is really no big deal.

afterthought · 16/02/2014 18:37

A friend of mine has two accounts - nothing untoward, there are just certain things she doesn't want family to see so she has two. I am friends with her on both accounts.

I've considered getting a separate account for work friends, but decided that as I'm quite careful about what I post, it isn't really necessary.

There could be a really innocent explanation - I think the best thing would be to ask him outright. It isn't like you found it by snooping - he was suggested as a mutual friend so it should be fairly easy to bring up in conversation.

KippyVonKipperson · 16/02/2014 18:39

On second thoughts, it does sound plausible that it could be because he's got into a game on facebook where if you invite friends etc you get points, a bit like FarmVille used to do (back when anyone actually played it). I think there is an innocent explanation to this.

ButICantaloupe · 16/02/2014 18:41

Why Shock Abbey?

I don't 'snoop' on DH! It's just there if I need to check things. Have my security settings updated properly? Has that person blocked me or deleted their Facebook account? That kind of thing.

Greenkit · 16/02/2014 18:42

how about he fancied a new account without family on, just mates so set up another account.

I would just be grown up about it and send a friend request. If he blocks you then you can worry

NoArmaniNoPunani · 16/02/2014 18:44

Just send him a friend request. If he denies your request then you have grounds for suspicion

BrianTheMole · 16/02/2014 18:44

Might be for games. I've got another one just for that reason.

harriet247 · 16/02/2014 18:44

Is the account cloned?this happened ro a friend very recently and was very scary.
Could it be a new group for a stag weekend/sports hobby?i would go through the friends list if poss

Original poster
hidinginoblivion · 16/02/2014 18:45

He's obviously blocked my friend on it which is why I am suspicious

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 16/02/2014 18:46

Maybe he doesn't like your friend?

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