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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that dh has a secret facebook and that must mean the worst?

133 replies

hidinginoblivion · 16/02/2014 18:07

I deleted my FB account a few months (permanently deleted it) and today I decided to create a new one, out of boredom/interest etc.

I started adding people I know when a mutual friend came up - dh. The mutual friends I had in common are his two close friends and his brother. DH already has an account, one which I was friends with before and re-added. This is an entirely separate one - he is using a shortened version of his name and the profile photo is a very recent one. I can't see anything else as it's private.

I can see his main one with all friends and family etc. I asked my friend to have a look on her account and I sent her the link and it just comes up with page missing.

aibu to think the worst? dh is currently working away and ... I don't want to ask him because it would be all too easy to delete.

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 17/02/2014 03:05

He will already have deleted anything untoward.

Badly played, OP. You showed your hand too early :(

YankeeMum8 · 17/02/2014 03:20

I had two accounts at one time because my first one went squirrelly on me and I couldn't see anything I posted. I did delete the first one but when I set up the second used a totally different screen name, etc.

I'd definitely friend him and see what happens. If he doesn't friend you then I'd just come out and ask what the scoop is. Just the fact he used his real photo makes (which of course you'd recognize) me think there is a good reason other than a bad reason.

TobyLerone · 17/02/2014 03:24

RTFT.

LucieLucie · 17/02/2014 03:55

You will need to go through his computer /phone with a fine tooth comb now op. He has at least one secret email account in order to create FB. The fact he is using real up to date photos and blocking your friends makes me suspect he is probably using sex sites/dating sites and has created a fantasy single life for himself.

Unbelievable yes but highly probable. I caught my Dh 2 yrs ago and it was shocking and a horrible discovery. Hugs

giraffesCantMakeResolutions · 17/02/2014 06:43

what does he say about recent photo?

RedFocus · 17/02/2014 07:29

Just because he has family members and mates on his secret fb means jack shit I'm afraid. If they are loyal to him they will cover for him.
The facts are quite clear here as another poster said he would have been getting notifications all the time so the friend request didn't "remind" him he had it, he knew all the time.
He panic deleted or blocked you.

He even has another email address you know nothing about about.
The picture is recent (2 weeks old) so you've just caught him in a big fat lie anyway.
I don't think you will ever know what he's been up to I'm afraid op as he will stop panicking, re log onto his account and delete everything that might give the game away.

A bloke I had the misfortune to know had 2 accounts, one for the wife and one for his "hobby". He had all his work mates on his "hobby" one because he used to post pictures of the girls he was having sex with and they used to vote on them! His wife found out and moved half way across the world to get away from him and they are no longer married.

harriet247 · 17/02/2014 17:03

Did you get anywhere with it op?

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 17/02/2014 17:13

greenkit I did that as well. So I changed my password first to a random set of letters and numbers that I could remeber just long enough to type in twice! Then logged out. Can't log in again cause I had fuck all idea of what my pw was!

I want to know how you do this? I have two accounts, one I set up but never use and my normal one. I tried to deactivate it, but accidently keep logging on drives me mad

CloverHeart · 17/02/2014 17:21

If it was one just for banter with his mates then why delete it?

Also, why use a recent picture and then think you are stupid enough to believe it is a really old account?

I feel for you OP. I really hope this turns out OK for you in the end Thanks

Givesyouhell · 17/02/2014 18:32

Try doing a Google search on the photo he used as a profile picture. Might turn up other secret accounts...

sadbodyblue · 17/02/2014 18:43

but would his brothers/friends really back him up in an affair or inline dating? unless of course they are all on it

so sorry op this must be horrible for you. Flowers

BumPotato · 17/02/2014 18:52

Have you a big birthday coming up? Has he set it up to organise a surprise for you? grasps straws

MamaPingu · 17/02/2014 19:34

Sadbodyblue- his family and friends aren't going to tell his wife if he's having an affair.
My "friends" never told me my ex was cheating as he was their friend first.
As you can imagine I was thrilled to find out they'd lied also

Caitlin17 · 17/02/2014 21:10

If he were having an affair why would he put it on Facebook?

Wouldn't he just contact her/him by text or email? He could set up a Gmail or Hotmail account only the paramour knows about and only check it as a Web page so you don't see any new email accounts.

Also if he has an Android phone it is possible to get apps which hide certain messages if he thought you'd snoop on his phone

Honestly I've never had an affair or done any of these things but if he is having one I'm really not seeing what the point of secret Facebook account is. If he is and he and the bit on the side want to share things they could do it far more securely with any one of the free cloud services which only they can access.

YellowDinosaur · 17/02/2014 21:11

Unless he's looking for his shag through Facebook...

KitNCaboodle · 17/02/2014 21:28

He's lied to you and that in itself is suspect. Hope you're ok OP.

JapaneseMargaret · 17/02/2014 21:32

It's probably easier to pull unsuspecting people if you have a fake FB page.

Otherwise your illicit paramours might look you up on FB, try to friend you in full view of everyone, and basically just see that you're not who you say you are.

KonkeyDong · 17/02/2014 22:01

RedFocus am genuinely Shock

sooperdooper · 17/02/2014 22:13

I was all ready for a plausible explanation tbh, I thought since you'd deleted your profile a while ago he could've easily updated his picture and the way his name is displayed in that time

But his explanation makes no sense, you can have private groups for friends if you want private group conversations, you don't even need a separate profile!

I would set yourself up another account, made up, and search again for him, or for his friends who were linked to this account, and see what you can see?

EverythingCounts · 17/02/2014 22:33

Agree with JapaneseMargaret. Most people expect other people to be on Facebook, and you can easily make an 'innocent' connection with someone by looking them up and friending them on FB, then progress to using private messaging. It allows you to disguise yourself as not obviously a person looking to have an affair, when in fact that is exactly the intention.

Caitlin17 · 17/02/2014 22:43

Do most people expect other people to be on Facebook? I'm not . I have an account but that was only for a particular obscure musician and all my settings were set to as private as you can make them. I have no public Facebook profile (although just googling my name real life will produce quite a lot of results)

I've never searched for anyone on Facebook.

VanitasVanitatum · 17/02/2014 22:52

You need to talk to him about it in person op. You won't get the truth over text.

sadbodyblue · 17/02/2014 23:27

MamaPingu double betrayal and awful.

op any update?

Cerisier · 17/02/2014 23:36

I didn't know you could search for matching photos on Google Givesyouhell, I thought you could only search for matching text.

DrCoconut · 17/02/2014 23:39

Don't ignore your instincts. They are there for a reason. I speak from very bitter experience of exactly this sort of thing.

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