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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not put make up on dd?

292 replies

selfdestructivelady · 13/01/2014 10:11

We went to a children's birthday party Saturday. All the little girls had make up on and all the parents were saying how pretty each other's dds make up looked. Dd is 4 yo the others were aged 4-5 they had nail polish eyeshadow and lip gloss on.

OP posts:
Biped · 13/01/2014 10:12

No. Ugh.

CoffeeTea103 · 13/01/2014 10:14

Up to you.

SomethingkindaOod · 13/01/2014 10:15

Well although there's nothing really wrong as such with a bit of sparkly nail polish at the weekend I think YANBU. DD1 hates make up of any kind (she's 8 years old) luckily and I don't really like seeing it on young children myself.
However it's personal choice and parents see it as an extension of dressing up which isn't U either.
(yep, picking splinters out of my bum on this one Grin)

Boreoff456 · 13/01/2014 10:15

Its up to you. What they do is up to them.

BackforGood · 13/01/2014 10:19
Hmm If you disagree on things like this, it may be wise to widen your dd's circle of friends, as, if this is an issue at 4 yrs old, what are they going to be doing at 13 ?
Justforlaughs · 13/01/2014 10:20

YWNBU but neither were they. It wouldn;t occur to me to put make-up on my 5 yo, but my 14 yo daughter does it occasionally, I don't have a problem with it. I might be reading your OP wrong, but it sounds more as if you want everyone to go Shock "awful parents at the party" whereas actually imo it's not a big deal either way.

TaurielTest · 13/01/2014 10:21

Did the girls arrive at the party already made-up, or was the nail polish etc part of an activity at the party?

My 5 year old DS loves a bit of sparkly nail polish.

pictish · 13/01/2014 10:22

It depends. What is this thread for? Are you genuinely asking, or is it a veiled dig at those who did let their dds have make up?

In short - it's each to their own.

Original poster
selfdestructivelady · 13/01/2014 10:22

Widening her circle of friends will not be easy as she has autism and finds it hard to make friends I'm not judging but as I don't wear make up I wondered if I should have put some on her for a party.

OP posts:
pictish · 13/01/2014 10:25

There's no set social rule on it, no.
When we attend a party (my dd is almost 5), some girls sometimes have a little make up on, but most don't.
As far as I'm aware, no one cares either way.

SomethingkindaOod · 13/01/2014 10:27

You don't need to put anything on like that for a party if you don't want to. Are you worried she will be left out or pointed out as different because she isn't wearing it?
DD1 hates the feeling of it on her fingers, even when it's dry. She hates the smell as well. The last 'pamper party' she went to the nail polish she had on (because her friends were having it) didn't even last until it dried.

GlitzAndGiggles · 13/01/2014 10:32

It was a party I doubt the mum's put it on them daily

Original poster
selfdestructivelady · 13/01/2014 10:32

Yes I am worried she will stand out more than she already does.

OP posts:
ChippingInWadesIn · 13/01/2014 10:37

That age seems to be the 'peak' for wanting to wear eye shadow, lip gloss and nail polish. If the child wants to do it, I don't worry & let them do it - it not the highway to hell - none of them are wearing a face full of slap by 6 Grin Very pale pink polish, a bare whisk of an eyeshadow brush (ahem, often a clean one - they can't tell - Grin) and a bit of clear/pale pink lipgloss - the world isn't going to stop turning, honest :) and yes, parents telling them all the look pretty/lovely whatever.

HOWEVER if this is parents putting makeup on them, 'making them up' for the party then I'd be changing my/my DD's circle of friends - that's just hidious.

ChippingInWadesIn · 13/01/2014 10:39

Selfdestruct - did they make you feel bad for not putting makeup on your DD?

ChippingInWadesIn · 13/01/2014 10:40

Did your DD notice or care?

TalkativeJim · 13/01/2014 10:40

My DD is this age.

She has been to quite a few parties. I've NEVER noticed makeup on any of the girls. Party dresses, depending on location - yes.

Are you sure that you don't have any options for finding new friends? This certainly isn't a universal thing!!

Biped · 13/01/2014 10:42

Yes - exactly what you said, Chipping. I'd interpreted OP's description as describing your "however" scenario. :)

Original poster
selfdestructivelady · 13/01/2014 10:43

No other options tbh I'm just relieved she was accepted enough to be invited to a party dd didn't notice but I felt she was a bit left out with all the parents saying how pretty each child was but not saying it about dd as she had no make up on. I was the one who felt bad not dd.

OP posts:
Katnisscupcake · 13/01/2014 10:44

My DD is 4 and very occasionally (because I work from home so don't wear make up through the working week) will ask me if she can have a little bit of lipgloss on when I'm putting some on to go out at the weekend. She has a tiny bit on and I really don't see the problem.

She wouldn't wear blusher or eyeshadow or anything like that, but then I don't either!

Original poster
selfdestructivelady · 13/01/2014 10:45

Older DS with possible autism and ADHD has not been accepted so I'm overly concerned about her being accepted.

OP posts:
fidgetsnowfly · 13/01/2014 10:46

eek, no! Horrible, imo, and I'd definitely lookm at widening her circle of friends!! I've seen a couple that age with lip gloss on (I wouldn't do it) but it's not the norm as far as I've seen.

SomethingkindaOod · 13/01/2014 10:46

Meaning this very kindly but I think you're projecting your own feelings onto her in all honesty, really don't worry about it! She's only little yet, there will be loads of girls who don't go to parties wearing nail polish alongside those who do.
If you do want her to try it out get a cheap bottle of glittery stuff that won't stand out too much and let her try, maybe on her toes first. See if she likes it.

Original poster
selfdestructivelady · 13/01/2014 10:50

yes I probably am projecting. I'll put some nail polish on her and see how she copes at the next party.

OP posts:
pictish · 13/01/2014 10:55

This can be a contentious issue on MN.

My dd loves to have a little make up on. I do allow it, but rarely.
She sees me putting mine on in the mornings and I think she just considers it something that mummy does, and wants to role play at being a grown up lady like me.
She loves a bit of sparkly nail varnish too.
I see no harm in it, and quite a few of my friends (just ordinary mums like me - not fashion divas) are the same. We all view it as harmless dress up fun.

Dd has her own set of children's nail varnishes (peel off stuff) and eyeshadows (very faint and wipes off with water), and she loves having a smudge on for a party...just the same as she enjoys getting her party dress on.

However, on MN I fear being dragged through the ringer as a dumb-ass who encourages the early sexualisation of my daughter. Some folks on here would react as though I've got her in thigh boots and a thong, mounting a pole.