To have not put make up on dd?

[selfdestructivelady]

We went to a children's birthday party Saturday. All the little girls had make up on and all the parents were saying how pretty each other's dds make up looked. Dd is 4 yo the others were aged 4-5 they had nail polish eyeshadow and lip gloss on.

I don't own and dresses or skirts and only wear make-up on special occasions like weddings. dd1 went through a phase for about 5 years where she wouldn't wear trousers, not even in the snow. She's older now and still very fashion conscious, she can sew and customises her clothes and yes, she wears make-up. She has never been my mini-me, I spend half my life being bemused by her, but she is her, and it would be very wrong of me (imo) to tell her that she shouldn't take pleasure in fashion/beauty just because some boys don't. Boys are not the gold standard.

Quite Daykin.

I can't help but read Ice's posts as being a little misguided, if well intentioned. She says it's because boys won't lower themselves to do girly things...but in doing so she is making out like boys set the bar.
Do they fuck.

YANBU. Five year olds shouldn't wear makeup.

Society says that men set the bar, not Ice. Women are still treated as second best in many ways.

Ice do you let your dd play with dolls and prams? I had a friend who wouldn't let her twin girls play with dolls prams hoovers etc!!
My 2 boys both had little buggies and ds2 had a Hoover and kitchen!

I can't think of the top of my head where woman are treated 2nd best!

How about where women are paid less than men, still the case in this country.
And considerably worse around the world - girl babies are less wanted in many societies, FGM etc

It seems ludicrous to spend time (I'm assuming you do) trying to make sure they avoid unnecessary additives in food and that their clothes are washed in non bio only and use stuff for sensitive skin in their baths only to put stuff on them that is completely unnecessary. Our bodies absorb the chemicals in toiletries. Do you think 'Kiddy eyeshadow' is any different? Why would you expose a child's skin to that?

There is no doubt in my mind that we still live in a patriarchal society.
Stopping my daughter from enjoying dressing up isn't the answer though is it?

But what will happen? - that is what I am asking you.
What terrible thing is it you think will occur from my dd's very occasional play make up?
What will be the result?

So far there has been no adverse effect from it. Educate me!

no it is not we can only equip our girls with the tools to be independent women with their own minds a bit of nail polish is not going to make her any less of a girl/woman

I wouldn't mind nail varnish if the girl had a real urge for some (it's usually chipped and crap looking anyway) but I wouldn't allow face makeup at that age.

My DD will go one of two ways. I hardly ever wear face makeup day to day; just when I need to look smart/respectable, and then that will often only be mascara, blusher and lipstick. So she will either think I look shit and washed out and wear loads, or she will accept that it's OK to look natural. Personally I hate heavy makeup. I think I get more appreciation from men when natural or very lightly made up, than I would if I was Barbie-faced the whole day.

Yes but it might teach her that without the makeup she isn't good enough. That pretty girls wear makeup.

It is a patriarchal society but I'm not sending out my kid to lead the revolution. She likes fashion - so what? And I'm not even going to add any qualifiers about her climbing trees either. I love her stiletto sharp shine and telling her that society will be more equal if she gives up everything that makes her her is not the answer. My sons don't get half the stick for liking stereotypically masculine pursuits that my daughter gets for enjoying stereotypically feminine ones. It's just another way of bashing women. You can be anything you want - just so long as its something a man would want too.

I wear make up every day - mascara and shadow - very light, and I don't think that. Why would she?

well yes there is that but i am safe in knowing that my own girls feel fine with or without make up I hardly ever wear it can't tell you the last time I did my youngest wears it sometimes she really isnt that concerned if she is pretty or not, there is such a thing as balance

I think YWBU if she wanted to wear make up and you wouldn't let her. That's limiting her choice.

But if she has no interest in it, that is fine (and easier) for you.

What would happen if you left her asleep in the house alone for an hour? You'd probably get away with it and she'd be fine but it's not a risk I'd want to take.

In fact, it is fair to say that I am not expecially pretty, but yet I still think I'm worth the effort of making the best of myself for my own satisfaction.
Try and tell me that's wrong...go on.

havant - you still haven't told me what might happen as result of the eyeshadow.
Can you please just answer a straight question? You have very firmly expressed views about this, but you still haven't explained why.

So in order to make the best of yourself you change your skin colour (foundation), lengthen your eye lashes, paint your eyelids, paint your lips a nicer colour, etc

I wear make-up and have loads but it's not wholly harmless to people's self esteem

well if you leave a 5 yr old in the house for an hour they might leave get run over they might stay in and spill juice everywhere if they tried to sort a drink the house might burn down you put some lip gloss on them and....

Eye infection

Have a quick google of the chemicals in it.

Yes Bear that's right. I also have a decent haircut and wear clothes and shoes I consider to be nice.
What's your point?