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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my dB's ex is a total bitch????

186 replies

ginmakesitallok · 25/12/2013 23:07

dB and his ex been split up for about 2 years, she was abusive. She always been very awkward about letting him see his D's, and although we've advised him to take her to court to get access formally sorted out he hasn't. So, today, Christmas day and the bitch wouldn't let him see his son. Happy for him to play Santa, but not willing to let him see his son at all. Am so oooo stopping myself phoning her and telling her what I think of her. It's killing him. How can anyone be so cruel????

OP posts:
Monetbyhimself · 25/12/2013 23:08

Why doesn't he go through the courts ?

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 25/12/2013 23:10

He doesn't want to upset her anymore, and thinks that if he goes through the courts and won't let him see his ds at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 25/12/2013 23:12

I think this might change his opinion though. Turned up there this morning and she told him that if he wasn't spending the whole day there he couldn't come in. He was working, emergency services, so couldn't stay all day, so she told him he wasn't allowed in.

OP posts:
Monetbyhimself · 25/12/2013 23:12

He has nothing to lose by going throughs the courts.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/12/2013 23:12

let him fight his own battles? If he did go to Court, you phoning her to call her a bitch on Christmas day wouldn't make him look too good.

helenthemadex · 25/12/2013 23:13

it up to him to sort out and if he was that bothered then surely he would have sorted it by now.

Im sure my wanky ex's family talk about me in the same way as you talk about her, Im equally sure they have been fed a pack of lies by the lying twat.

keep out of it is my advice and tell your db to get off his arse if he really wants to see his ds and go through the courts

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 25/12/2013 23:14

Of course I'd never call her.

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 25/12/2013 23:16

You do have to bear in mind that her version of events may not match your brothers. Family should not get involved in these situations - you don't really know enough.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 25/12/2013 23:16

If he was that bothered????? Ffs! He works all hours, spends most of his money on her house, drops everything at the drop off a hand when she decides that he can have ds, and has put up with so much shite over the last couple of years... He's not sitting on his arse.

OP posts:
Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 25/12/2013 23:18

Trust me, he is not the one in the wrong here

OP posts:
LineRunner · 25/12/2013 23:20

He needs to get a contact order in the family court. And then he needs to stick to it.

Calling a woman a bitch is not helpful, really.

MincedMuffPies · 25/12/2013 23:21

I always click on these threads thinking its my dds utter fw dads family... I'm sure he tells everyone what a bitch I am to.

MelanieCheeks · 25/12/2013 23:21

It doesn't sound like a phone call from you would make everything better, though. Shame about today, but it's something she and he need to work out together, either through talking, if that's possible, or other routes if that's not.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 25/12/2013 23:25

A phone call from me would cause all hell to break loose! Agree that a contract order is the way to go. However, as soon as she knows that he thinking of court she'll stop him seeing ds until it's all done, and even then she wouldn't stick to any agreement.

OP posts:
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/12/2013 23:27

helen, same with xp's family which is why I'm wary when it comes to posts like this!

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 25/12/2013 23:37

Even the ex's family thought dp had made a good choice leaving her!

OP posts:
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/12/2013 23:42

her story would probably be totally different though? He probably did make a good choice if they weren't compatible but if this is how her xp's family talk about her I'm not surprised if she's not all sweetness and light.

jinglemel · 25/12/2013 23:42

How old is their ds? Surely it should've been pre-arranged anyway. If things aren't amicable, dropping byiisn't really an option. Maybe she didn't want their ds upset if it was only a flying unexpected visit

VelvetSpoon · 25/12/2013 23:47

I'm always a bit wary of threads like this - all exs are mad women according to the men they were involved with. My XP told his family all sorts about me, my favorites being refused to let him see the DC and that I'd stolen money from him. When in fact I've never stopped him seeing them (only asked he agree in advance when they're coming back etc) and he was the one who ran up a £40k debt on our joint account while it was meant to be frozen....so I think sometimes it's easy to get into mud-slinging without knowing the whole story!

PresidentServalan · 25/12/2013 23:49

Unfortunately you do need to keep out of it, hard as that is - he is presumably capable of fighting for his children, or accepting that he won't see them. I can understand your anger though - she sounds awful.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/12/2013 23:51

ha I'm sorry to say it velvet but stories like that make me feel a lot less isolated, I had to endure so much crap from xp's family and unbelievable lies and I didn't think other families like that existed! OP I hope your family doesn't drive this woman to have a mental breakdown.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/12/2013 00:03

Vampyre and Velvet

Unfortunately its the disbelief at posts like the OP that make it easy for nasty Ex-partners to get away with what they do.

caruthers · 26/12/2013 00:05

Not allowing her son to see his father is shocking and it's not uncommon.

Advice him to go to court and support him although even with a court order she can still dig her heels in and snub a court order.

Be sure though that you are supporting him for the right reasons and not just because he's your brother.

Good luck.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 26/12/2013 00:06

She may well be a 'bitch' but we're only getting one side of the story and OP is understandably biased.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/12/2013 00:09

Vampyre

We only ever get one side of the story.

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