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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU? Asking school to not use Mr and Mrs. R Bonkers

293 replies

bonkersLFDT20 · 09/10/2013 11:10

Got a letter from DS1's secondary school.
It was addressed to Mr and Mrs R Bonkers
R is my husband's initial.

I've just written to them suggesting they use more a more modern way to address parents e.g Mr and Mrs Bonkers or Mr R. Bonkers & Mrs M Bonkers.

WIBU?

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 09/10/2013 11:12

YABU to have changed your name in the first place ;)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/10/2013 11:12

YANBU. I thought the 'husband's initial' way of addressing couples had been pretty much abandoned.

shewhowines · 09/10/2013 11:13

They need to move with the times. It doesn't sound like a very enlightened schools. What else are they doing that is archaic?

Feminine · 09/10/2013 11:14

I wouldn't mind. That is not to say you shouldn't, just that I don't think its worth thinking about! :)

MellowandFruitfulSnazzy · 09/10/2013 11:14

YANBU, it's not the 1950s. Plus I bet statistically more mothers than fathers will be opening and reading these letters, so doesn't look great to treat them as the adjunct part of the couple. In fact, wouldn't it be easier just to address everything to 'Parent/s' of

LunaticFringe · 09/10/2013 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livinginwonderland · 09/10/2013 11:18

I find it weird that people care about these things Blush

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2013 11:18

Ours are always addressed "To the parents/carers of (insert child's name)"

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 09/10/2013 11:22

Who could really care....really?? Does it matter in the grand scheme of things? God, I really wish I had nothing else to worry about!

cingolimama · 09/10/2013 11:25

Well clearly the OP cares! Frankly I think it's wildly outdated and borderline rude. Yes, I would definitely mention it to the school.

frostyfingers · 09/10/2013 11:25

Is it really that important? Our letters come addressed in a variety of ways, I really don't care and even if I did I don't think I'd do anything about it - maybe hurrumph quietly to myself, but quite honestly there are so many other pressing things on that contacting school to correct it wouldn't even occur to me.

SpecialJK · 09/10/2013 11:25

Wouldn't bother me at all

HopeClearwater · 09/10/2013 11:27

YANBU it's ancient and needs to stop!

Bowlersarm · 09/10/2013 11:28

Wouldn't bother me.

However if I had married a Mr Bonkers, I am fairly certain I wouldn't have changed my name in the first place.

TheInquisitor · 09/10/2013 11:29

I seriously wouldn't care if school addressed letters to me as Mr and Mrs (DH's initial) Inquisitor.
I'd save my energy for getting worked up about things that really matter.

sonlypuppyfat · 09/10/2013 11:29

Wouldn't bother me we've all got the same name in this house anyway what does it matter.

SoupDragon · 09/10/2013 11:30

I have no problems whatsoever with Mr & Mrs (his initial) Surname. I hate Mrs (his initial) Dragon though.

I'm also surprised you changed your surname if you get annoyed by this sort of thing. Mr & Mrs R Bonkers is no more old fashioned than you being Mrs Bonkers in the first place

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 09/10/2013 11:32

I still haven't changed my name, but school send us letters addressed to Me and Mrs H Hanging.

Couldn't care less, I am glad they write and I think the administrative staff have a tough enough job without pandering to my feminist whims or imagined slights.

Are your kids doing ok there? That's the important issue.

QueenofKelsingra · 09/10/2013 11:33

YABU to suggest the school should adopt 'a more modern' approach for everyone. I am very happy to be addressed as Mr & Mrs

HowlerMonkey · 09/10/2013 11:34

If it's that small a problem then it will take 3 seconds to rectify and the school won't mind doing it, seeing as it's such a small problem and all.

This would bother me too op!

QueenofKelsingra · 09/10/2013 11:35

I'm also surprised you changed your surname if you get annoyed by this sort of thing. Mr & Mrs R Bonkers is no more old fashioned than you being Mrs Bonkers in the first place

exactly!! well said! you either embrace the idea of being a traditional family unit and accept all that goes with it or be 'modern' and keep your own name completely.

Pendeen · 09/10/2013 11:35

Yes, YABU.

I would imagine some amusement in the school office when they open your letter.

HowlerMonkey · 09/10/2013 11:35

Feminist WHIMS HangingGarden?!?

Silly me, thinking I have a right to be acknowledged by my own name and not my husband's. Silly, whimsical me.

sonlypuppyfat · 09/10/2013 11:36

Well said Queen.

LadyBigtoes · 09/10/2013 11:36

I have to agree if you went to far as to change your name to his, you can only expect this kind of thing and it's hard to see what the difference is. Your surname is arguably as important a part of your identity as your first initial yet you were happy to see that go.

BUT if it bothers you for whatever reason, it's OK to let the school know how you would like to be addressed. I do politely ask mine to call me Ms myname myname, some of the teachers and the HT seem deeply baffled that I have dared to challenge the patriarchy, but they do try!

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