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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to orgasm every time I have sex?

131 replies

Feckssake · 29/08/2013 13:29

My H has ED issues and we are due to see his Doctor in a few weeks' time. I'm expecting to be asked what I want from our sex life, but I'm pretty inexperienced, apart from with H, so I don't know if this is a reasonable thing to expect or not. I orgasm just fine from manual stimulation, but my H can't keep hard long enough for me to get myself to that point from penetrative sex. Do most people orgasm every time they have sex, or is that just the media? A bit of perspective would be great, thanks.

OP posts:
Feminine · 29/08/2013 13:31

The media is fooling you if you think its always from penetrative sex alone.

Some do ...some don't!

So I guess Yanbu.

livinginwonderland · 29/08/2013 13:37

It's harder for women to orgasm from penetrative sex alone than it is for men. I would say I orgasm through sex alone maybe 1 or 2 out of 10 times. Otherwise, you need lots of oral/foreplay beforehand to make sure you orgasm during intercourse.

KedenTTC1Cycle2 · 29/08/2013 13:47

H can't keep hard long enough for me to get myself to that point from penetrative sex

It doesn't really matter HOW you achieve an orgasm as long as you get it. For me there are two types of sex. Sex for the intimacy of it (orgasm not necessary but bonus if it happens) and Sex for the sole purpose of getting off (orgasms very much necessary!).

Pay no mind to the media or anyone else for that matter. Find the frequency that works best for you and stick with it.

obviouslyneedsupernanny · 29/08/2013 13:48

I never ever have through sex

Hegsy · 29/08/2013 13:50

I very rarely orgasm through penetrative sex alone, I love sex for the intimacy and DH always 'sorts me out' one way or another either before, during or after.

littlemog · 29/08/2013 13:57

I always orgasm every time. So does my husband. Penetrative sex is not the best way for me. Try other stuff!

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 29/08/2013 14:00

YANBU to hope for it, YABU to expect it.

Why would his GP ask you what you want? Confused

BlueJellie · 29/08/2013 14:01

I orgasm every time but not necessarily through penetrative sex, sometime I do through oral before we have sex. Any time I have it's been when I have been on top so have control on the rhythm and pressure

DropYourSword · 29/08/2013 14:01

I could easily be wrong, but I'm not sure that's really what the Doctor would mean.

If DH has ED issues then I would have thought the Dr would concentrate on the following sorts of things when it comes to what you want or if your sex life;

  • your partner having the ability to maintain an erection for an acceptable length of time

*the ability to have sex xx times a month with your partner

Orgasming is all about technique and I don't think a Dr looking into ED issues is going to whip out the Kama Sutra!

(Am really sorry to living in wonderland. I'm on my phone and it acts up a lot. Keeps moving around where I'm typing etc. As I scrolled up to fix another bloody error I accidentally tapped the report button next to your post. Have never done it before so I don't know if that automatically reports the post or whether you have to 'confirm' it. It was an accident, sorry!)

gamerchick · 29/08/2013 14:02

I've NEVER had one through penetration. There are bother things you can do to have an orgasm. Can your bloke not finish you off manually?

DropYourSword · 29/08/2013 14:03

Oh ffs... bloody phone. I meant "when it comes to what you want out of your sex life"

gamerchick · 29/08/2013 14:04

Drop your sword.. I've done that tons.. you have to confirm it.

DropYourSword · 29/08/2013 14:05

Thanks gamerchick! Felt really bad!

gamerchick · 29/08/2013 14:07

I wouldn't worry anyway even of it did.. posts wouldn't be deleted if they didn't break the t&cs so it wouldn't matter.

DaleyBump · 29/08/2013 14:14

Hmm. That's a tough one. I think YANBU to expect to orgasm, but I think YABU to expect to orgasm from penetration every time. I've never orgasmed through penetration, some women don't.

Sallyingforth · 29/08/2013 14:14

I wouldn't use the word 'expect' because it sounds like a demand. Sex should be about mutual pleasure rather than achieving a guaranteed result. But yes it usually happens for me, if not always just from penetration. There is so much more to be done!

EricNorthmansFangbanger · 29/08/2013 14:19

I've never had an orgasm from penetrative sex. The majority of the time it's manual, with a small percentage being oral. I think a lot of women cannot orgasm through penetration alone. Does your DH help you to orgasm in other ways?

Montybojangles · 29/08/2013 14:22

Sorry, can you just clarify if this is a recent thing. I mean, did you previously orgasm through penetrative sex with you DH, but now it's over too soon? Is this something you achieved in a different relationship? Does your husband manage to reach his own orgasm?

AngryFeet · 29/08/2013 14:24

I always orgasm. Not through the penetration alone but that with manual stimulation at the same time. My orgasm is much stronger with manual and penetration together so I understand it must be frustrating to not be able to achieve that.

Lweji · 29/08/2013 14:24

I don't remember having an orgasm from penetrative sex.

Sex should be the entire experience, not just penetration.

ParvatiTheWitch · 29/08/2013 14:28

I think you are reasonable to expect an orgasm the same as a bloke if they expect it ever time. I know it is harder for women to come (much harder for me, grrr), but the female orgasm should be as high a priority as the male orgasm.
There are lots of resources within the NHS for the blokes, but I don't think any gynae would be that interested in getting women orgasms for the simple fact, we can get pregnant with out one, which really pisses me off.

Thurlow · 29/08/2013 14:29

As far as I'm aware most women don't orgasm purely from penetrative sex but from foreplay, manual stimulation etc. As far as expectations go within a relationship, I'd expect that couples should be comfortable to discuss what they need or want to do to orgasm, and to help each other, whether it's a different sexual position, more foreplay, watching each other play etc.

As far as expecting and orgasm every time... I'd say that's a bit trickier. I don't orgasm every single time we have sex. Not because I'm having sex when I don't want to, and not because I'm not enjoying myself, but sometimes it just doesn't feel that it's going to happen and - most importantly, for me - I won't be bothered or frustrated afterwards if it didn't happen. The important bit within a relationship would be that if one partner didn't orgasm before the other partner did, the other partner would be willing to do what was needed to 'help out'.

DfanjoUnchained · 29/08/2013 14:32

Well, men do every time so why shouldn't you! :)

I can't through PIV sex personally but use other means.

Lweji · 29/08/2013 14:37

Ah, yes, and I normally get one every time.

Original poster
Feckssake · 29/08/2013 14:42

Wow, this is an eye opener, thanks everyone for responding. I thought orgasming from penetration was far more common than this thread suggests. It's an ED specialist we're seeing, and apparently she also wants to know why it's suddenly become an issue - from the way my H is reporting it, it sounds like she's asking if I am suddenly dissatisfied. I have no idea how I'm going to tell her in front of my H that it's been an issue for about four years, but I've only now just screwed up the courage to bring it up. It's not helped that my normally completely New Man H has gotten hugely defensive about the whole thing and is seeing it as something of an attack on his manhood - he is incredibly easy to talk to on every other topic, but this seems to have touched a nerve, big time.

I have come through penetration before, but it was yeeeaars and two children ago. I'm definitely a bit looser in the fanjo department, but I was v. tight before (sorry for the tmi), so I don't think it's a sensation thing: I still feel plenty.

So is the answer to say that I expect to orgasm in some fashion every time we have sex then? or most of the time?

OP posts: