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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this child to come on holidays with us

838 replies

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:08

A group of girls I used to share a house with years ago have arranged to go on a reunion weekend to the West of Ireland in June. The plan was to book into a nice hotel, and spend the time relaxing, having nice meals and a few drinks and catching up and reminiscing. However, one of the group has now asked if its okay to bring her six year old daughter as her husband wants to play in a golf tournament that weekend. A child hanging around is going to completely change the tone of the holiday imho. I haven't spoken to all of the group yet but the two I have been in touch with are not too keen either.

AI (or we)BU to think of saying that we'd prefer if it was kept to adults only as it's the first time we've all been together in about ten years?

OP posts:
N0tinmylife · 10/04/2013 11:09

YANBU. A 6 year old on a trip like that won't be fun for the child or the adults!

AngelWreakinHavoc · 10/04/2013 11:09

Yanbu. I would not like that either.

If she cant get child care then she should not go.

abbyfromoz · 10/04/2013 11:09

Nope. YANBU. Especially if you arranged the trip first before her DH arranged his golf trip.

KellyElly · 10/04/2013 11:11

Wouldn't bother me but I'm a lone parent, as are a few of my friends and we tend to have kids in tow to many things. Surely you could still have adult time in the evening? Do you have children yourself? Not asking to be snippy, but if I didn't have DD I would probably feel the same as you.

LIZS · 10/04/2013 11:11

yanbu - it is a girly weekend not a family do.

DiscoDonkey · 10/04/2013 11:12

Yanbu, if the booking hasn't yet been made you could suggest changing the date for when her dh is able to look after the dd. I wouldn't pay money for a child free weekend only to have someone elses children there but then I'm mean.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 10/04/2013 11:12

Yanbu. It is bound to change the dynamic of the reunion.

HollyBerryBush · 10/04/2013 11:13

No, I wouldn't want to go with a 6yo - not unless there is a crèche or babysitting service she can be banished to. Grin

Original poster
arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:13

No Kelly, it's nothing to do with not having children. The majority of the group have children but they are being left at home with fathers or grandparents so we can meet up without having to take into consideration entertaining the children.

OP posts:
DiscoDonkey · 10/04/2013 11:14

I think it's different kellyelly if everyones got kids in tow, but one child amongst a group of adults planning an adult break is different and will change the tone of the weekend.

doublecakeplease · 10/04/2013 11:15

Yanbu - it'll change the weekend totally. I'd be totally honest and say 'I'd prefer plans to stay the same so that we can all let our hair down and catch up'

Booyhoo · 10/04/2013 11:15

yanbu and i say that as a single parent.

it's not a family break it's an adult break and yes it absoloutely will restrict the activities and conversation. i think she has been unfair to ask tbh. common sense would tell her that what she should have done was tell you she cant go.

Levantine · 10/04/2013 11:16

Oh no yanbu. Can you change the date? No one is going to want a six year old around in a grown ups weekend (I've got one myself!)

DiscoDonkey · 10/04/2013 11:16

I also think people without children are entitled not to want to spend there leisure time with children if that's not what they had in mind.

I think it would be nice if everyone is willing to change the date so your friend can come along. Shame for her to miss out completely

BoundandRebound · 10/04/2013 11:16

Say no adults only

somewhereaclockisticking · 10/04/2013 11:17

Either that person doesn't go or the date needs to be changed or everyone takes their kids which will be moreexpensive and not quite the holiday you had planned. Having kids does make it difficult to all get together at the same time but if it can be managed then go for it because it won't happen very often!! Plus how many gold days does her OH have compared to her getting away??

Original poster
arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:17

Unfortunately we can't change the date as it coincides with one of the group being back home in Ireland for a wedding. That is why we got the idea of the reunion and why it has to be in June.

OP posts:
somewhereaclockisticking · 10/04/2013 11:18

*golf

iseenodust · 10/04/2013 11:18

YANBU. It is for her and her DH to work out who is going to have an adult weekend and who is going to be the parent.

jumpingjackhash · 10/04/2013 11:18

YANBU - you're right it will totally change the dynamic of the trip and I know I wouldn't want a 6yo to join what I was expecting to be an adult-only weekend away.

It doesn't sound like you've booked yet though, can you change the dates so your friend has childcare sorted?

Hulababy · 10/04/2013 11:20

I am normally very open to holidays and weekends away with children involved.

but this is very different. It is an adult weeknd, no one else is taking their children.

The 6y will be bored on her own and will need entertaining. It will change the whole weekend away.

Is the weekend already booked? Can the date be altered to one where her DH can look after their daughter?

TBH if it was my DH I'd be telling him that he couldn't play golf unless he was the one who sorted out the childcare as my weekend away was already in the diary in advance.

jumpingjackhash · 10/04/2013 11:20

Ah, x-post. If her DH's golf trip has come up since you planned this then she needs to push back and remind him she got in there first with the dates.

If she has no other childcare then I think she needs to meet up with you on another occasion.

Teeb · 10/04/2013 11:20

Yanbu. I would tell her it's between her and her DH to sort out the childcare for the weekend, hopefully following the original plan before he discovered the need for a golf trip.

kinkyfuckery · 10/04/2013 11:20

YANBU (single parent here too)

It's an adult's weekend, not a family holiday. Sad if the woman can't get childcare, she'll have to either get her husband to stick to his commitments (assuming the weekend was arranged before his golf trip) or miss out on this occasion.

bigTillyMint · 10/04/2013 11:22

YANBU! The date was set which suited you all - her DH should forego his golf or find someone to look after her.

Who wants a DC around (no matter how lovely they are) on a girly weekend?

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