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AIBU?

To not want this child to come on holidays with us

838 replies

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:08

A group of girls I used to share a house with years ago have arranged to go on a reunion weekend to the West of Ireland in June. The plan was to book into a nice hotel, and spend the time relaxing, having nice meals and a few drinks and catching up and reminiscing. However, one of the group has now asked if its okay to bring her six year old daughter as her husband wants to play in a golf tournament that weekend. A child hanging around is going to completely change the tone of the holiday imho. I haven't spoken to all of the group yet but the two I have been in touch with are not too keen either.

AI (or we)BU to think of saying that we'd prefer if it was kept to adults only as it's the first time we've all been together in about ten years?

OP posts:

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Mrsrobertduvall · 10/04/2013 11:22

God no, it would be awful with a child in tow. Completely change the event.
Can't believe the reason is because her dh wants to play in a tournament. Well I can, but even my golf mad dh would not do this.

DiscoDonkey · 10/04/2013 11:23

Ah well in that case your going to have to say no. Good luck with that!

Angelico · 10/04/2013 11:24

YANBU. Friend's DH needs to sort out where their DD is going to go - maybe to GPs?

AMumInScotland · 10/04/2013 11:26

YANBU - there is a world of difference between an adults-trip and a families-trip. This has been planned and booked as being just for the adults, and everyone else has made their plans / called in favours accordingly. If she can't do that then she will have to miss out.

TBH though, I think its probably her husband getting her to ask, and she expects/wants to be told "No that doesn't work" so that she can go back to him and say "No, sunshine, you don't get your golf trip, 'cos I got this planned ages back. Tough shit. Have fun with dd while I catch up with the girls."

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:26

Yes, our weekend was arranged at Christmas and her husband only decided he wanted to play in this tournament a couple of weeks ago. I think he's being a selfish tosser, to be honest, and am really annoyed with him.

OP posts:

lashingsofbingeinghere · 10/04/2013 11:26

Your friend should be asking her husband if he can take their DD to the golf tournament. No difference as far as I can see.

expatinscotland · 10/04/2013 11:27

YANBU.

wonderingsoul · 10/04/2013 11:28

ynbu. im a lone parent to.

its not a child hoilday i would suggest kindly that it wouldnt be child friendly and you asked the others and they agree. if that means shwe has to miss out well thats sad but thats life.

Floggingmolly · 10/04/2013 11:28

Out of the question. If she can't arrange childcare she can't go, just like everyone else.

LadyBeagleEyes · 10/04/2013 11:28

Good point lashing.
And no YANBU, and I'm speaking as a single parent though ds is 17 now.

Levantine · 10/04/2013 11:30

Her DH can't do his golf trip.

ExitPursuedByABear · 10/04/2013 11:32

It would completely alter the weekend. The six year old could caddy for Daddy.

Branleuse · 10/04/2013 11:34

i think there are many sensitive ways of saying this without any falling outs

Rainbowinthesky · 10/04/2013 11:35

Yanbu

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:35

Can you suggest some Branleuse? I was going to email her and say would it be possible to get someone else to babysit as it would probably be a very boring weekend for her, and hope my friend takes the hint.

OP posts:

Booyhoo · 10/04/2013 11:36

it's really fucking selfish of him to expect a whole group of other people to either change their pre-arranged holiday plans or to babysit his child (which of course you all wouldn't be as her mum would be there but you wouldn't be child-free as planned) so he can golf.

i know of a few men who have done things like this out of badness tbh. he sounds like one of them.

BornInACrossFireHurricane · 10/04/2013 11:37

YANBU. It really isn't fair on anyone else (especially the ones who have children imo!)

Teeb · 10/04/2013 11:37

I think I would suggest that she shouldn't be the one who has to give up her planned for adult weekend, and that she should leave the childcare worries with her DH, then move on the discussion about how you are all looking forward to the catch up and can't wait to see each other.

Booyhoo · 10/04/2013 11:39

i would email and ask if it would be possible for HER DH to get someone else to babysit as your friend has actually sorted her childcare (her dh). it's her dh that now needs childcare so he needs to sort it or miss the golf trip. in her shoes i would be laughing in his face at the idea that i would give up my trip for his after he agreed to it.

AmberLeaf · 10/04/2013 11:40

YANBU

I assume her DH knew about the planned [adults only] trip?

If so, he is indeed being a selfish tosser.

MissLurkalot · 10/04/2013 11:40

No no no... She is seriously taking the piss.
This is an adults only reunion, no kids. That's the whole bloody point of it.
Put your foot down, and re iterate that.
She is taking the piss! I'm sure she's a lovely girl, but having her, or any child there will completely change the weekend.
No no no!
(I think she's a bit odd to suggest it to be honest! Jeez, how often to us Mum's get the chance to get away like this. Her hubby can have his turn, ffs, but NOT on the same bloody weekend! Unbelieveable!)

Maggie111 · 10/04/2013 11:43

I wouldn't email her that - don't hint. Just say that the group has decided it'll be too difficult to have her daughter along and you're so sorry if that causes her a bother.

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MissLurkalot · 10/04/2013 11:46

Well said Maggie111...

bigTillyMint · 10/04/2013 11:47

Absolutely - tell her to man-up and tell her DH that this adults only weekend was planned months ago so if he wants to play golf, he will have to sort childcare. It is NOT her job!

JenaiMorris · 10/04/2013 11:47

Is it was the case that there really wasn't an alternative (and even single parents can sometimes call on family or indeed the child's father) then it would be awful to exclude her. It would change the dynamic yes but it doesn't have to absolutely ruin the holiday.

However this woman's husband (making yet another assumption - that this isn't some great golfing career pinnacle that could never, ever be repeated) is an arse.

I think I'd be a bit torn actually - do any of you know him? If he really is that dreadful this might be the only nice thing she's managed to do for her for a long time. In that case it would be a real shame for her friends to exclude her when she needs them most.

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